Asking 30pp for friends 30th birthday

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

It's our friends 30th in June and we've found out the family have rented a house out to host up to 100 people. We've all been asked to pay 30pp for drinks, food etc. we've already spent a fortune for the couples wedding, previous parties etc last year and although the money isn't an issue, I just feel it's a bit steep to ask for 30pp towards all the food and alcohol, considering it's also a 45 minute drive away so we will have to fork out for taxis too.

I don't think £100-ish for a night out including taxis for two is too expensive in this day and age. I've reached an age, income and lifestyle that I would fund a big birthday gathering I was hosting myself, but for 30th birthdays among my friendship group it tended to be meals out where everyone paid for their own food and drinks. None of us could have afforded to cover the full bill back then.

I have never been invited to a party and been expected to pay my own way!

I have never, and I mean never, been invited to birthday party and paid anything towards food and drink. A party is different to a meal out.

If I wanted to go I'd pay. X

I bet the Airbnb hosts think they are renting house for a family to have a weekend away, not 100 people for a party. Does it have neighbours? Will the cars be everywhere?

They are having a party and want everyone to pay to attend??? Say what??? No no no and no!

It's very normal here, but then again we're in a poor area and most people can't afford to pay hundreds/thousands of pounds towards a party.

Fur coat and no knickers people do

Good hosts invite and foot the bill

What an unpleasant attitude.

Not everyone can afford to foot the bill for all their friends and family - asking for a contribution so everyone can enjoy themselves doesn't make you "fur coat and no knickers"

People are assuming it'll be a full meal. I bet it'll be a buffet - probably the cheapest one available.

i don’t think it’s a lot of money and I’m used to paying for parties. My friends who had 40th parties just paid for the venue - we all paid for our own food and drinks. And I had to travel there and stay with a friend. It is normal in my circle.

£100 for both of you to have a night out with friends is fine to me. I guess the difference is you haven’t chosen the details and you say you’ve spent a lot of money on celebrating with this couple. All you can do is decline if you don’t want to go.

Well usually for a celebration like this we would go out to a restaurant or a bar where everyone pays for themselves. Sometimes there'll be a party at someone's house and people will bring food and drinks. But, no, I've never been invited as a guest to a party and been expected to pay. That's the difference.

But why is the former okay and not the latter? I genuinely don't get it.

You're happy to pay £30 (or probably more) to go for meal and drinks in a restaurant, but not to enjoy the same food and company in a different location? Why?

I need more info to vote.

Is it a buffet?
Will they be fully catering to every allergy etc not just shitty side bits.

Because for the former everyone is going together to the restaurant. You're not being invited as a guest. No one is hosting the party. That's not the case in this scenario. You can't claim to be hosting a party and inviting guests if you then charge them. Maybe it's just semantics, but if the OP said that a group of people were going in together to rent a house and provide food and drinks that would be different to what is actually happening here.

It sounds good value BUT
Its in a house.
They will be taking £3000.
£3000 think about that.
They go to the cash and carry or even bog standard supermarket. How much booze can you buy with that?
I can tell you that would be more than enough for 2 bottles of wine per person plus a few sandwiches, bits of fruit,nuts, crisps, sausage rolls, a slice of cake.
Getting caterers in will not cost £3000 or anywhere near it.
You can buy a bottle of wine for £5.
A box of beer is less that £10.
Add on all those who won’t be drinking so will be drinking about £1 worth of pop.
I understand the couple wanting a contributing but this sounds cheeky to me.

I'd happily pay it for a friend.

If you wouldn't happily pay it, don't go.

I'd spend more than £100 on a standard night out anyway.

I never expect a host to provide everything.

Just a distinction without a difference imo.

What a pity that you have another commitment on that day...

Why not?! No one is forcing them to have a big party

I have never been asked to pay to attend a party. It’s one thing taking a friend out to dinner for their birthday but quite another to be asked to contribute to someone’s party when they pick the venue and the food!

in my experience buffet good at these things isn’t great. It’s not what I would chose if I was buying myself dinner.

it sounds like the host wants a party they can’t afford.

I would politely decline.

Just say yiu have other plans.

You are allowed to have other plans.

These people are socialising at their friends ’ expense. I bet they’re creaming off the too as well.

Do other people / you have parties?

£60 for an evening out including food and drinks is good, you would pay way more if you want to a bar and then a restaurant afterwards! Rather than getting taxis, why don't you pay for a cheap room to stay overnight? It will cost the same as the taxi anyway, then you can both drink. OR....

You don't go, its that simple really.

If you went out for a meal you'd pay more. £30 is pretty reasonable.

But if you don't want to then decline.

It's an invite not a summons.

So you're all staying in the house overnight? Or just attending the party and going home?