Asking 30pp for friends 30th birthday

[seeitthroughmyeyes]

It's our friends 30th in June and we've found out the family have rented a house out to host up to 100 people. We've all been asked to pay 30pp for drinks, food etc. we've already spent a fortune for the couples wedding, previous parties etc last year and although the money isn't an issue, I just feel it's a bit steep to ask for 30pp towards all the food and alcohol, considering it's also a 45 minute drive away so we will have to fork out for taxis too.

You know if this was a normal party where you just arrived for the night ahead in a party venue.....how much do you anticipate spending for the evening on drinks? Assuming there would usually be a free buffet, but not free drinks.

6 drinks each at £5 per drink is £30pp. Are you suggesting you wouldn't have been paying this anyway?

Exactly!

Presumably if you were going to a restaurant or bar you’d be paying similar or more (even factoring in the taxi)?

as PP have said, either go and accept or don’t go 🤷🏻‍♀️

It depends how you view it and what is included.

If you were asked if you wanted to celebrate in a nice restaurant, you would have almost certainly paid for your own meal and including drink this would have cost more than that £30 each plus you would have had travel costs as well.

If you are going to have a decent meal/ buffet and alcohol included in the hired house, then £30 is still comparable.

If you are getting a sad selection of sausage rolls and a cheese and pineapple hedgehog and not much to drink, then it's a bit of a piss take.

Much prefer this and better value than meal and drinks/night out in town.

Sounds reasonable to me.

You can't get much for 30 quid nowadays.

I’m old enough to think this is a fucking cheek. You host a party and invite people. I’m sure it’s driven by the need to ‘look at me’ on SM. Look at me getting my friends funding my lifestyle more like.

Fair enough. Don't go if you can't afford/justify it.

Drinking alcohol is not mandatory one of you could drive if you need to keep the costs down. Personally I hate parties in houses so I wouldn’t go.

Missing the point, but I wonder if the house owners know their property is being used as a party venue for 100 people ...

I think if one of my friends said hey, let’s have a get together. It’ll be £30 each all in, then fine. Great. Good value evening.

The trouble is that this is a birthday celebration, so it’s less equitable. The birthday person is inviting the guests and has full control over the catering choices. They are the host. And if you’re hosting, it’s a bit crass to charge your guests who are coming to celebrate your milestone.

It’s easier to opt out of a general group get together without any hard feelings - “Count me out on this one Bob; nice idea and everything but me and Katie are saving up for a loft conversion this year”.

There’s more of an expectation that close friends will attend a birthday celebration - saying you don’t fancy it and are trying to save money is not so easy to say in that scenario. So it’s a little unfair.

I’d feel a bit off about it, but I’d probably still go, because FOMO.

I think it's your choice whether or not to go

If you were going for a meal out, it would be similar cost.

Fairly normal for a big milestone party though? Plenty of people organise big celebrations in a function room or at home, and provide the catering, either doing it themselves or booking caterers.

Is it going to be professionally catered for? What happens if you don't pay and just turn up? This is the second thread today about people making a huge deal out of their 30th. If you can't afford to host 100 guests, invite the amount you can afford to host. Or put the idea out there before inviting anyone that you could rent a house etc and guests pay a bit towards a catered party. But you would never get that agreement from 100 people. 100 people must include quite a lot of peripherals - no way would you pay that if you weren't inner circle.

I agree with many previous posters that 30 pounds each is not a lot of money to spend on an event like this, and probably less than you would spend if you were going to a restaurant or something.

But, your friend's family claims to be hosting this party, so they shouldn't be charging admission. That's not how hosting works.

I agree with PP saying it depends how you view it. You are technically getting a good night for a reasonably price. Seems a bit cheeky that your friend wants an all out celebration but wants everyone else to fund it though.

£105 out for a couple for a milestone event is cheap, and I say that as someone on a low income.

If you really can't afford it, then surely your partner should go and you drive/pick up.

Blimey, me and DH can spend £0 each easily on a night out, if not double!
OP, £30 for food and drinks is reasonable. You could easily share a cab with another couple to reduce the cost - or even hire a minibus.

They are not charging you the full cost - it's a contribution. Just say no if you don't fancy it.
I wonder how often you host and pay 100% for venue, all food, all drink and presumably music. Wedding maybe - but I bet you asked for presents or "money towards our honeymoon".
Most people can't afford to host and pay for everything - and even if they do, well-mannered guests usually bring wine, flowers, chocolates or gifts.
No need to go at all. Send a polite decline. Stay in and save your £60

You can say no, you can just be busy

You invite you pay. 1st rule of hosting

People may bring a bottle if at your home (but would always have enough anyway) but I cant imagine a party where people would be charged for food

Fur coat and no knickers.

Sounds like a cheap night out to me!

You invite you pay. 1st rule of hosting

Except lots of people have parties in venues and guests pay for the meals and drinks