To ask you to ‘Destroy without reading’? (Bereavement related)

[Izzy24]

Would you?

So if you were coping with clearing personal belongings and you came across a package marked as above, would you respect that person’s privacy and dispose of it without reading? Even if it was unsealed?

Just label it old love letters, private, please destroy.

the label telling you what it is heavily influences the persons decision

I wouldn’t read love letters. I would read something unspecified.

@Peteryourhorseishere this sounds very much like my dm, I'll be amazed if she doesn't leave me a letter or something to read when she's gone, having the last word and control from beyond the grave. I wouldn't read it as I know exactly how her mind works and the contents would only be upsetting.
Unless in your df's case it could be some kind of apology / regret? Sadly I know this wouldn't happen with dm and I'd dispose without reading or watching if it was a video.
Curious, did your df behaviour towards you get worse when he developed dementia? Dm is in her 80's and showing more and more signs, she's being more toxic than ever too and I wonder if it's linked.

To the op, I honestly don't know what I'd do in that situation if it was my dad, I'd possibly ask my dh to quickly scan and tell me whether it's something I should know or not. Problem is if it was something dodgy I wouldn't want him to then have to carry that knowledge. Also I'd be suspicious that if it's something he didn't want anyone to see that it likely is something I could do without seeing.

I'm nosy so would read.
However. A relative died, a not nice one who ruined a lot of lives along the way. I read their diaries and found out exactly what they thought of several people including my own family and me. I'd defended this person for years.
It was a huge smack in the face but they're dead and gone now, and I'm not sorry.

I re-iterate. WHY did the person that wrote said letters and documents that were never to be read again, not just destroy them themselves?! How ridiculous. Sounds like some kind of bizarre attention-seeking to me.

If it just had a "Destroy without reading" message then I would ignore it and check the contents because there could be something important in there.

It would just be a skim through to see if it's all just personal letters or if there are official letters/documents too etc and then once I'd determined the contents that would make the decision as to what to do with the items and whether to look at them more closely.

If it had a specific instructions like "Destroy without reading - diaries from teenage me" then again I'd probably open the package to make sure that it only contained the diaries but then I'd just destroy them as requested without reading them.

Same. I would look in the envelope to see what sort of thing it was. If it were clearly just personal info (diary or similar) then I wouldn't read, if it were something that looked legal/ official, I would read it to make sure it was nothing important.

It would also depend on who the person was in relation to me and what the relationship had been like. And whether there were some obvious reason why they wouldn't have been able to destroy their own things before death.

@SheFliesLikeABirdInTheSky
WHY did the person that wrote said letters and documents that were never to be read again, not just destroy them themselves?!

Read TF Thread!!

Lots of reasons have been given. People keep them for their own sentimental reasons and dont want to destroy them when they are alive because they want them. Death is unpredictable.

It's really not that difficult to understand that someone WILL read it if you leave it in the attic with 'DO NOT READ' on it. FGS. 🙄

Sure - don't destroy your precious personal letters, but don't demand that no-one ever reads them when you're gone. Coz it ain't gonna happen.

No. Curiosity would get the better of me I’m afraid and it’s not going to bother the dead person.

Leaving something like that is a deliberately provocative act by the deceased. I would read it.

I'd probably skim, then read if it looked interesting. Just being honest.

I have a sealed letter with my will at the solicitors labelled "only to be opened if XH contests this will" It's for my children to read about their dad to help them understand my exact will wishes. Thankful a solicitor will have control over this, not them.

@NeedToChangeName I thought @Peteryourhorseishere had a dvd.
But what if it was a box and contained a vibrator? I wouldn't have to use it! If I thought it was items rather than dvds I might use washing up gloves! It wouldn't be something I'd mind doing for an acquaintance. It might upset me to do it for my husband and definitely for a parent.

Exactly this. Provocative and attention-seeking, to keep something, and say DO NOT READ. Of course people are going to read it. 😆

As a historian, I think I prefer the idea of diaries being kept for a future when no-one who personally knows the writer can read them.

But personally I throw away my diaries many years ago because I had just used to write in when I was unhappy, so they just read like I had been constantly unhappy and I didn't want to give that false impression to my descendents.

Finding, and then having to bin, my 70 yr old mum's sex drawer was one of the things I wish on no grieving person @Love51

I suspect I'm not alone in having to do this awful job.

It’s this.

All your replies have given me a lot to think about and insight into why people might read rather than destroy.

I think I’m going to get rid of the journals that have my personal writings.

But I will keep the rest.

It’s a great idea for a prank though.

Its totally the sort of thing my youngest DS would appreciate given that we both have a dark verging on inappropriate sense of humour 😂

”You’re adopted………

JUST JOKING! I bloody KNEW you wouldn’t be able to resist, you nosy git! Hahahahahahaaaah!”

Spot on. I'd read it. I may regret it, but I'd still do it.

I would get my DH to take a peep and make sure it wasn't something porn/sex related (I wouldnt want to know my dead loved ones kinks.) If it wasn't I'd check what it was. Diaries, I wouldn't read, but I'd seal the box and leave it to decide what to do with in the future. Anything official looking or something that could be a family related secret, I'd read.

I would probably do this too.
My Grandmother kept a diary all her life, and burnt it a week before her (unexpected) death. My Dad was pretty sad about that, not out of nosiness, but the record going on into the future.
I have all my parents’ love letters. I haven’t read them, but I treasure them and will pass them on to my daughters.

It’s a great idea for a prank though.

Its totally the sort of thing my youngest DS would appreciate given that we both have a dark verging on inappropriate sense of humour 😂

”You’re adopted………

JUST JOKING! I bloody KNEW you wouldn’t be able to resist, you nosy git! Hahahahahahaaaah!

@FancyJapflack that sounds like a romcom plot where the sheet is folded in half and the person traumatised by the news drops the note paper to the floor never reads the 'just joking' bit and flees to wander the world in trauma until he meets a carefree beautiful young woman on a beach in Thailand who gives him hope and love. They return back to the house where his kindly aunt passes him the unfolded paper and says' you dropped this'. He reads it and starts to laugh. THE END.

And this. So will get rid .

Yes exactly this.