My son (18) wants to be a sperm donor!

[Hedgehogscanclimbtrees]

I have found out that my son has an appointment at a sperm donor clinic tomorrow! I tried to speak with him about it, but he just said that he's 18 now and he wants the money. I tried to explain the enormity of becoming a FATHER but he dismissed that and said it wasn't the same thing. I pointed out that, by law, children can contact their sperm donor fathers once they are 18, but he was unbothered. I feel he is doing this just because it's £35 for a wank, with no thought about potential consequenses & impact on his future life & future relationships.
If I were thinking about settling down or starting a family with a man, it would put me off to think that he had been that cavalier about his sperm in the past. I would also worry about multiple children turning up! AIBU???

He's 18. Nothing you can do

Does he aye?

Only £35!? I would just give him the money not to go

Exactly my thoughts!

Multiple times...

I'd be deeply unhappy about it, and depending on the bigger picture (does he genuinely just need the money, is he generally responsible etc) I would consider giving him the £35 myself to avoid it. A young man of 18 is simply not able to fully evaluate the consequences of this decision. Personally I think the lower age limit should be 25.

Is he aware he won’t be anonymous & all that this might mean going forward?

What is his motivation? The clinic should screen out those only motivated by money. Is he short of money? He won’t be allowed to do repeatedly.

Righty-o 😬

give him the money!! good luck.

I tried to explain the enormity of becoming a FATHER but he dismissed that and said it wasn't the same thing.

How much “fathering” will he be doing? Do you think he’s going to apply for custody or something?

I can certainly understand your concerns but something in your language seems a bit OTT. Is he any more “cavalier” with his sperm than other young blokes who have multiple one night stands and are careless about condoms (at least your son isn’t going to pick up/spread STDs, have strangers coming after him for maintenance with what he’s proposing).

If I were thinking about settling down or starting a family with a man, it would put me off to think that he had been that cavalier about his sperm in the past

To be fair it would be a bit weird to think about starting a family with your son

His body and bodily fluids, his choice.
Whilst he may potentially become the biological father of children, he won't be their parent. Multiple adults may turn up in 18+ years to find out about their genetic make up, but he will just have to deal with that if and when it happens.
You may be put off by a partner having donated sperm but others aren't.

I tried to explain the enormity of becoming a FATHER but he dismissed that and said it wasn't the same thing

He's right, it isn't the same thing.

I'm sure it used to be a tenner in the 1970s.

It has not kept up with inflation.

I share your thoughts but on a serious note, does anyone think in eighteen years children just come ‘knocking on the door.’?

None of your business what he does with his sperm

He has to give a sample for analysis first. It might be that his sperm isn't suitable. He might not be considered suitable because they do talk over the rights of the child re future contact. You've warned him, there's nothing else that you can do.

Fucks sake. I’d go mad. Poor you.

Is this the first interview? Because there is a lot that goes into sperm donation, he will have medical tests, family history checks, psychiatric evaluations etc. It’s a long process, multiple meetings and there’s no guarantee he will be considered eligible. They will discuss with him the implications of donating and what his plans are if he was contacted in 18 years.

He will give up considerable time, have to travel to meetings and after that will only be given £35 for each donation which is considered a contribution to travel expenses rather than payment for the spend. In the end, he would get a better hourly rate by getting a proper job.

I understand your concern but ultimately there’s nothing you can do, I imagine he won’t be accepted after the screening or he will realise the time he’s wasting for little money and give it up, so don’t waste your time stressing just yet.

My gardener has found out that he has another adult child via ancestry DNA. Him and his brothers had to get DNA done to find out whose child they were. While contact can and should be going through the process in place, some men do get a knock on the door.

I am sure this is true and a pile of wank.

Not a pile of wank.

I think after his initial appointment/assessment, he may back out. A mum giving him the facts is not as real as a professional (to an 18 year old). If he continues to go through with it then there’s nothing you can do and you know he knows the full implications of it. It is his choice, however as a pp said, I do think they should up the age limit to around 25.

He is an adult. Up to him.