My son (18) wants to be a sperm donor!

[Hedgehogscanclimbtrees]

I have found out that my son has an appointment at a sperm donor clinic tomorrow! I tried to speak with him about it, but he just said that he's 18 now and he wants the money. I tried to explain the enormity of becoming a FATHER but he dismissed that and said it wasn't the same thing. I pointed out that, by law, children can contact their sperm donor fathers once they are 18, but he was unbothered. I feel he is doing this just because it's £35 for a wank, with no thought about potential consequenses & impact on his future life & future relationships.
If I were thinking about settling down or starting a family with a man, it would put me off to think that he had been that cavalier about his sperm in the past. I would also worry about multiple children turning up! AIBU???

Yes he would. A donor is allowed to go back 4 times a week for a year. £35 x 4 x 12. It’s over £1600.

If you’ve got relatives who have used that 23&me type website the sperm donor children will be able to trace him…they could have a claim on his inheritance if he dies etc. or even sue him if they have terrible childhoods..who knows what the future holds 🤷‍♀️laws change all the time

Omg 😳😳😳

@Sunflower8848 exactly and if you have a expert genetic genealogist on the case they don't even need to be close relatives, 4th cousins can lead to the identity of a parent, we all have those on the database if UK heritage and likely closer. It's just how long it takes.

😭 How did you parent him so that we can take notes on how not to do it?

Of course they wouldn’t have a claim on a sperm or egg donors will, they also wouldn’t get very far trying to sue them either.

Its a really lengthy process to be approved in the UK, and even if you do when you enter the second round of approval it may become apparent that you’re a carrier of screened for genetic conditions, on the final round it may be discovered that the sperm doesn’t survive freezing.

I knew someone who did this 3 years ago
They get updates whenever a child is born...he already has 14 children!

You don’t just walk in there, have a wank and walk back out. They are very particular with who can donate, they don’t just accept anyone. He will have to give full medical histories of all his family members, have testing and likely counselling. They will probably see straight through it if he’s only doing it for £35.

Fucking hell. What a twatty response.

Doubt it.

The law as it stands precludes biological DC conceived through sperm or egg donation from having a claim on the sperm or egg donor's estate. Whether that will always be the case remains to be seen.

if you pay him he may just go and do it anyway - double money per wank

I'd be surprised if any change in law would affect donations made before the law change. This is something that affects men here, so of course they'll give it more thought.

The novelty might wear off after a while. 🤣

He is not about to become a father, but potentially a donor. I have three children born with donor sperm and clinic is really really clear - this is not a father.
That said, I do think 18 is on the young side, and money is quite poor - for all the inconvenience and trips he's earn more working in McDonalds imo, and with no shortage of jobs around the country I'd recommend waiting. If he still wants to help others in a few years time then good on him tho'.

As a mother of a child conceived through a sperm donor, the amount of gratitude I hold for men who donate is immeasurable, without whom we would not have our daughter.

I was informed by our clinic that donors can father up to 10 families before their donations are discontinued. The process for the sperm donors is rigorous, they check their health, virology, family history etc. They also have a psychologist speak with them prior to donation.

At the clinic we use, the donors are asked to provide a "pen profile" for families choosing their donor. This covers things such as why they want to donate, what their hobbies/interests are , employment history, educational achievement etc.

I'm certain that in the reputable clinic we used, an 18 year old who was only interested in the £35 would not get passed the initial screening.

Well, it affects both sexes. But men tend to die first, so it's women that are more likely to be dealing with the aftermath when a partner dies.

Which isn't to say I think the law necessarily will change either. It's just that all this is incredibly new for us. Commonplace home DNA testing is only what a couple of decades old tops? Around the same age as the internetisation of everything. We're very much at the start of this. And it's a huge change, really. For the rest of human history, it's been possible to be the biological parent of a child and be anonymous, if wished, and we don't know whether we've worked through all the potential implications of the change. So it's very hard to call, but if someone does donate sperm or eggs they're basically having a punt.

So what, though? It’s not like the quality of the sperm is affected by the motives of the donor. The benefit to the recipient is the same regardless, so who gives a shit if the donor just wanted £35?

It was a joke, mate.

Unless you’re unbelievably thick, you must realise that.

Yeah ok then

Up to him, isn’t it. I see why you’re not happy but he’s an adult and it’s his decision to live with.

Sorry, that should read four times per month, not per week.

>> the clinic is really really clear - this is not a father.

That may be what the clinic say, but it is not really the point. In the strictest sense, under current law, you are right of course: The donor will play no role in the child’s upbringing. That said, the child may feel differently as he or she grows or considers starting a family of their own. Speaking as an adopted child who grew up not knowing my biological parents, the urge to find them can be powerful.

I feel the same way. Some people might believe they would just shrug it off and not care, but for me I know I would. Thanks for exploring your thinking behind it too!