My son (18) wants to be a sperm donor!

[Hedgehogscanclimbtrees]

I have found out that my son has an appointment at a sperm donor clinic tomorrow! I tried to speak with him about it, but he just said that he's 18 now and he wants the money. I tried to explain the enormity of becoming a FATHER but he dismissed that and said it wasn't the same thing. I pointed out that, by law, children can contact their sperm donor fathers once they are 18, but he was unbothered. I feel he is doing this just because it's £35 for a wank, with no thought about potential consequenses & impact on his future life & future relationships.
If I were thinking about settling down or starting a family with a man, it would put me off to think that he had been that cavalier about his sperm in the past. I would also worry about multiple children turning up! AIBU???

I know people v close to me this has happened to. It took a year but we worked it out then contacted the father by email.

It definitely does happen.

Oh sorry - email was found through his work. You can find anything out these days.

they check their health, virology, family history etc. They also have a psychologist speak with them prior to donation.

Do they check for mental health issues, neurodiversity etc as well?

I agree that 18 is a bit young to make this decision but I still think OP and many posters are overreacting. He will NOT be a father. And he will have no obligations towards the potential children once they are adults. I don’t see why it would be so horrible to be contacted later, it’s not like he has to be part of their lives against his will. He might meet up once, he might just communicate via email. If they click they might have an actual friendship. So?

I don’t see an issue as a partner either. Why would it be so bad for me if my partner was contacted by the child later? And even if they end up meeting regularly? What would I or possible children I had with him lose in that scenario?

The money is crap btw. Certainly there are easier ways to make the same amount.

I don’t care at all.

I said OP was being unreasonable as most guys probably do it because they want some extra money and if that’s their motivation then so what?

I was making the point to OP that her son’s reason to donate is probably no different to any other of the hundreds of sperm donors out there and to just stay out of it.

Does the fun of masturbating ever wear off? 😂

I’d love it if someone paid me £140 a week just to masturbate 😂 Mind you, that sounds a bit like it would make me a sex worker 😂

And people say that colostrum is “liquid gold” 😂

I’m starting to think that sperm is now 😂

People are very naive re how easy it is to find someone.

My dad found out a few years ago that he has two half siblings, not through donation, but through the fact his dad remarried.

All we had was a name, but within half an hour I was able to find out who one of them was, where she worked, who her husband was and where they live, the name of their child, the name of the other sibling and the fact that she’d died, and when and how.

And even though her own social media is fairly locked down, all it took was to follow a post from her dh where she’d been tagged, and his profile was public,and the trail could be followed from there.

We didn’t pursue the relationship any further, well actually my dad contacted her and she was unaware that her dad had previously been married and that she had five other siblings and she wasn’t ready to face that so he didn’t pursue it any further. But had he wanted to, it would have been incredibly easy to go knocking on her door.

I wonder what the limit is now?

With the man I mentioned in a pp it was 20
So he knows he has 21 children - 1 he knows about and 20 he doesn't (who would all be over 18 now)

Well you have to have mandatory counselling/ therapy sessions. So I'd imagine that any glaringly obvious conditions would be picked up on. If someone is very mild or can hide it well over multiple appointments then they probably are still suitable as they are functioning fine as an adult.

I was a bit worried that my comment might be taken the wrong way @Dwappy, so I hope it wasn't.

I was thinking about it from the perspective of the potential parents.

"For the rest of human history, it's been possible to be the biological <father> of a child and be anonymous"

Mothers considerably less anonymous

Send him the donor conceived of Tiktok e.g. Laura High. Does he want to get into those murky waters?

If it makes you feel better, they don't allow too many successful conceptions from a donor. It won't be a job for life.

It’s true that each donor can only be used to create up to ten “donor families” in the UK. However, some UK sperm banks have partnerships in other countries such as the US, so I don’t know if the sperm
from popular donors is ever exported once the ten family limit has been reached here. I wouldn’t put it past the sperm banks, frankly.

YABU, he’s not “becoming a father” he’s becoming a sperm donor. There is no responsibility. He has no legal obligations to any babies born using his sperm.

I don’t begrudge sperm donors the money, but my concern is that a financial incentive could encourage a few potential donors to lie in order to be accepted.

A few years ago, there was a news story about a sperm donor in the US who fathered more than 30 children, but allegedly hadn’t disclosed his schizophrenia or his criminal record to the sperm bank.

The only time when mothers can't be anonymous is the initial stage. Once the baby is born, that ends. Women can and have given up babies for adoption, or had them removed against their wishes, without there being any more way to trace them than the father. Women having babies adopted on the promise of anonymity is something that has happened well within living memory, in fact. It used to be quite common in Ireland with unmarried mothers, for example.

So as I said, for the rest of human history, it has been possible to be the biological parent of a child and be anonymous. Male or female. And now that's gone.

@2024BigWhoop if masturbation is all there was to it, then the fun would probably not wear off. It's mostly all the other aspects to it that would drag it down. The administration side, in addition to the act itself. Everything I've ever done for fun has sooner or later had the life sucked out of it and made it a chore once its done for money :-s

Why should anyone have the right to be a parent anonymously? This is a child we are talking about - who has the right to know their origins.
And yes, people do vanish from their child's life but that doesn't mean that doing this isn't breaching the child's rights. Lots of parents breach their child's rights in many ways.

‘I tried to explain the enormity of becoming a FATHER but he dismissed that and said it wasn't the same thing.

How much “fathering” will he be doing? Do you think he’s going to apply for custody or something?’

he will have zero rights over any children conceived. Zero rights and zero responsibilities but you are right, in the U.K. the child/ren will have the right to know his full details.

That being said, £35? Plus coming in for the blood tests etc for the sperm to ‘clear’ for STDs post donation. Is it really worth it, can he not get a job?

‘If it makes you feel better, they don't allow too many successful conceptions from a donor. It won't be a job for life.’

this is also true - a lot of the sperm is going to be used at fertility clinics where there are issues around natural conception.

I think he will find it a lot more hassle going than he realises too.

I think it’s a really great thing he’s doing to help desperate parents-to-be realise their dream. Well done him!

No he’s not becoming a “father” but he will be helping other people become mothers/fathers.

My son is a DCC - obviously I don’t know the identity of the donor but thank you to everyone who has donated gametes, you are all miracle-makers 😊

@EncantoSpice I love how you're assuming ethical reasons for him wanting to wank for money.