To stay fat?

[thegreenlight]

I have struggled with my weight all my life. I managed to lose 3 stone about 20 years ago and kept it off, losing it again after 2 babies.

I was never happy with my body and always on a diet. Most family days out and holidays are marked by me trying to not put on weight. When we recently renovated our house my DH found notebook after notebook full of restrictive meal plans and calories.

I was put on medication after losing my lovely dad at the end of 2022 and have been so much happier. They are amazing and have treated the anxiety and depression I have had since my teens.

However, they have made me put in 2 stone going from a size 12 to a 14/16. I just don’t hate myself enough to say no! I cook healthy meals every night but won’t say no to the odd treat. I have been eating a lot of takeaway as I had no kitchen for 9 months which probably made the situation worse and isn’t happening anymore so that might make a difference! I turned 40 this year and have certainly felt it!

Also my DH can’t keep his hands off me now. He says he loves my body and bigger boobs and is like a besotted teenager again!

I feel so embarrassed about the weight gain but do I work on accepting it, purge my wardrobe of too small clothes and accept happy, fat me. Find a new style and rebuild myself (I feel like the old me does with my dad) or restrict enough to lose the weight and fit into all my lovely clothes?

so AIBU to stay fat?

I think suggesting that 'more men will want to shag you' should be a factor in decisions about eating and fitness habits is dangerous whatever weight is being discussed tbh.

I'd prefer that less men want to shag me to be honest! 😂

Oh for goodness sake OP! Your self esteem is battered by facts? What did you post for? To be told that being obese is fine??? Being overweight is correlated with poorer health outcomes. One shouldn’t have to subordinate facts to feelings to save you the inconvenience of dealing with them. Regardless of how you feel, this is scientific fact. Stay fat if you want. Do something if you prefer. But for goodness sake, act like an adult b

I'm fat.
I love my body, I feel confident and happy and luscious. I can do everything I want to, like lovely long walks and being active... But I also don't restrict myself food wise.

I make lovely home cooked meals with salads and veges and just have too big portions.
I also love some biscuits with my tea and the occasional takeaway.

If someone's weight is affecting their emotional health or at the point of restricting their life/what they can do... I think it's time to make a change.
Otherwise, I am all about this fluffy life 😋

Oh and I just wanted to add... It is absolutely absurd for people to think that your husband and a lot of men in general aren't attracted to plus size women.

It's just not a factual thing to say.
I have never been short of male attention as a size 16/18 and actually it's mostly the gym guys/muscly guys who adore the bigger girls for some reason (in my experience).

Don't ask me why, but slim friends were always shocked at who wanted to date me 🤷🏼‍♀️

When I put on my weight in my early 20s it went on my boobs and butt and I found I was was really over sexualised. Men would feel really bold to catcall and approach me in a more sexual manner more frequently than they did when I was slimmer. I didn’t think of it as a compliment or benefit of weight gain at all. When I lost the weight I was still in m early 20s and found men approached me in a less sexual way if that makes sense.

But yeah I agree mens opinion on weight /body shape isn’t really something that should be factored in and many women claim it doesn’t. But I think realistically “the male gaze” does influence many if not most of us at some point or other in our lives.

I was a 90s kid and Nearly everyone in my neighbourhood wanted to be straight up and down skinny with a flat small butt. Fast forward a decade or so and many of the same woman I knew were wanting “curves” ie. A bigger shapely butt and shapely thighs. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it coincided with men now also saying they liked certain celebrity women who had “curves” and speaking more positively on bigger bums!

Everything you’ve said about your lifestyle and attitude sounds healthier at your current weight. If you had to restrict so hard to be a 12 then maybe 14/16 is healthier for you. Only you will know. From a health point of view, body fat per centre is the best measure to use and where you store fat also has health implications. I’m a tall hourglass and at 14/16 have very low visceral fat (massive thighs though!). If you can be healthy at your current weight I would crack on and enjoy life.

The one thing I noticed was your comment that you feel the thinner version of you ‘goes with your dad’. I would try to work on that and separate the two. Sending you hugs, it sounds like you still miss him a lot.

If someone's weight is affecting their emotional health or at the point of restricting their life/what they can do... I think it's time to make a change.

The problem with this is (and I speak as a woman in my mid fifties) by the time some people decide they'll make a change, it's because they've realised their health means they have to, and by then it's very often too late.

I don't mean 'too late' as in they can't lose weight, but too late as in they've already got diabetes or need knee/hip replacements etc.

If people find losing weight difficult when they're under 40, they'll definitely find it hard when they're 50/60/70 etc, and often much harder due to lack of energy and strained joints.

I've read all through the thread and I really don't see where anyone has said this.

What people are saying is our bodies are about us and about our health. What men get off to should not come into it at all.

You're right, I had read all OPs comments before RTFT and misunderstood! 😭

That's usually the way things go here, so had assumed paired with what she said.

I think forget the focus on weight, throw away your scales and your calorie counting notebooks.

Focus on healthy nutritious food and a manageable level of exercise. Eat when you’re hungry, don’t eat when you’re not.

This is what will make you feel and look your best, at a weight your biology intends you to be.