To stay fat?

[thegreenlight]

I have struggled with my weight all my life. I managed to lose 3 stone about 20 years ago and kept it off, losing it again after 2 babies.

I was never happy with my body and always on a diet. Most family days out and holidays are marked by me trying to not put on weight. When we recently renovated our house my DH found notebook after notebook full of restrictive meal plans and calories.

I was put on medication after losing my lovely dad at the end of 2022 and have been so much happier. They are amazing and have treated the anxiety and depression I have had since my teens.

However, they have made me put in 2 stone going from a size 12 to a 14/16. I just don’t hate myself enough to say no! I cook healthy meals every night but won’t say no to the odd treat. I have been eating a lot of takeaway as I had no kitchen for 9 months which probably made the situation worse and isn’t happening anymore so that might make a difference! I turned 40 this year and have certainly felt it!

Also my DH can’t keep his hands off me now. He says he loves my body and bigger boobs and is like a besotted teenager again!

I feel so embarrassed about the weight gain but do I work on accepting it, purge my wardrobe of too small clothes and accept happy, fat me. Find a new style and rebuild myself (I feel like the old me does with my dad) or restrict enough to lose the weight and fit into all my lovely clothes?

so AIBU to stay fat?

I focus on fitness over weight these days (aged 54). It's very difficult to lose weight in menopause and I've also gone from a 12 to a 14/16. However I'm probably the fittest I've ever been. I go to the gym 5 times a week and my cardiovascular fitness is high. Exercise is the way forward OP. And cooking healthy food from scratch.

OP do you do any strength based exercise ? The older you get the more you need this.

also - forget BMI. It’s a very rough and ready estimation. The real markers of how much of an issue your weight is, is your visceral fat. Get this looked at

Slow and steady is definitely the way.

I was morbidly obese but have managed to lose 7 stones. But it's taken 20 years!!

That was just moving more and eating less. I turned my back on dieting as I just yo-yo'd and ended up always gaining more than I lost afterwards, hence getting so fat in the first place.

I don't do excessive exercise, just 10k steps walking per day, with the occasional bit of weight training, cycling, swimming etc for variety. It's the consistency of doing "something" every day which works.

As for food, I just eat what I want, when I want it, but in small portions, never a "plateful" not even at Christmas. If I fancy chocolate, I'll have half a chocolate bar and save the other half for another day. When my eating was out of control, I'd have an entire six-pack of Kit Kat or crisps in one go! Now I purposely buy smaller packs/bars, and smaller ready meals, cook smaller quantities, etc. After a while, your stomach shrinks and you literally "can't" eat the same quantity of food that you used to do when your eating is out of control.

YANBU to ditch restrictive eating and non-stop dieting. That's an awful way to live, as you well know.

You need to change your habits and your mindset, which takes longer, but it will create good, healthy habits you can sustain. Ditch the takeaways, find a form of exercise you enjoy, learn to love and respect your body and value your health.

You're only 40. Being overweight at 40 isn't too hard, as you're still young and I assume relatively firm and without joint pain and other niggles. But if you want to know what overweight looks like as you get older, look around next time you're out. That older person carrying too much weight will likely be huffing and puffing, may be limping, may have obviously reduced mobility - you don't want that for yourself. Your health is the most important thing you own. Value it. Treasure it. And treat your body, both now and in future, like you would a treasured vehicle. Give it the right fuel in the right amounts and it should keep running reliably for many years to come.

NO-ONE has said a size 14 is 'automatically fat'.

Rebecca is not an ex swimmer. She's an ex professional swimmer, who still swims.

The OP has said she's fat and she's very nearly into the obese range of BMI.

There will be other size 14s who are not.

So size 16 is fat now, is it? 😕

Well it is, isn't it?

I'm a 14/16 and I would say I am definitely overweight!

DRESS SIZE IS MEANINGLESS. Women's clothes vary SO much I don't know why it's ever even mentioned on threads like these - unless it's to obscure the real issue.

BMI is not perfect but it's a good indicator of healthy weight.

Waist circumference is not perfect but is a very good indicator of healthy weight.

Dress size is only marginally more helpful than star sign as an indicator of healthy weight. I wish people would leave it alone.

Size 16 is, with the occasional exception, overweight - yes!

Wait what did you think was??

I mean...you quoted my post where two people had said that size 14 was overweight and fat.

Ex-swimmer and professional swimmer is the same thing. I was an elite swimming who competed internationally. I refer to myself as an 'ex swimmer'

My point still stands.

Size 14 isn't necessarily fat and I think it's quite sad that the mumsnet massive salad brigade feel the need to rip perfectly normal women to shreds just to get their kicks online.

OP: “I just don’t hate myself enough to say no! “

Whatever your weight snd whatever your goal, THIS is the sentence in your OP that stood out for me.

I have been in the same journey as you, size wise, but maintained (mostly) after losing 3 stone. And the only way I can do it is by eating healthily because I value myself. I see healthier eating as a positive habit, to nurture my body and enable it to work for me. Healthier eating is never (for me) about a punitive diet, restricting myself to misery, beating myself up or hating my body. It is about finding healthy foods I enjoy, and enjoying them in reasonable portions.

Can you frame healthier eating as celebrating yourself, as a positive thing?

I wonder about your DH’s response: might he also be responding to the new you lacking anxiety and depression? Nothing as sexy as a bit of a spark, relaxation or joi de vivre!

Out with the ‘diets’, in with savouring healthier foods.

Weight aside, we all function better in the long run on less sugar and fewer ultra processed foods.

Do what makes you feel happy and healthy.....the older you get the harder it is to lose weight..I would concentrate on being healthy and not worry about your husband who should love you no matter your dress size. I do agree that men do like curvier women 🤣 as a thin/short woman who gets absolutely zero attention or compliments..(and had nasty comments) I've had lots of struggles with my body (which is in healthy bmi range) so honestly it's about how happy you are.

Yes, it’s also very unhealthy & not something to aim for or be happy with.

Yes, when wasn’t it fat?

If you need a size 16 for your waist, then this will be considered a risk to health. However health is holistic. It sounds like maintaining a lower weight caused you stress, anxiety and interfered with your pleasure in life, which is not good for wellbeing and mental health. If you cant find a way to have a healthy weight and a healthy mind you need to choose the least worst option.

If it were me I would focus on health rather than weight. You're clearly happy and that's fab! Maybe try hello fresh or similar to kick start some home cooking. Make some healthy swaps and maybe factor in a bit of walking. Then you can feel you can have the treats as you are having some balance - and losing weight is a bonus. I too have a history of disordered eating and used to write all my food down and occasionally make myself sick. So I do understand the pressure in your head to be slimmer. Tbh mine isn't gone, but I am trying to refocus to health as I get older, not just the number on the scales

Op’s BMI is 29.6 so top end overweight category at age 40. It’s very easy to go into obese category which does potentially carry health issues especially as we age.
Personally I found it much easier to shift weight at 43 than my current age of 48. Perimenopause also causes weight gain on middle so if waist is already in risk category it’s better to address sooner rather than later.
It creeps up on you. At 40 friends are probably all ok even those overweight. On a 50th birthday weekend away it was obvious the impacts - couldn’t walk far, popping pills for back pain, some diabetic etc.

I would focus on eating healthier. If you let go at this weight, you will gain again due to the medicine and probably binging.

Could your GP swap you the medicine?

I get preventatives for migraines and some make you gain weight; however, there are other options to swap. Could you do the same safely?

I used keto to lose weight and now only do low carb eating go maintain. I'm not constantly dieting, just mindful of what I'm eating.

@Devilshands - SaladBrigade?? No one is ripping anyone to shreds. Sorry if the truth is a difficult pill to swallow. Size 16 may be average but the average/‘normal’ weight is overweight. By shrugging your shoulders, dismissing BMI as a crock, claiming you are fine etc etc it really is just a case of denial. The link between being overweight and health issues is clear. Whether you choose to accept those risks is wholly up to you - you have agency in this is life. Doesn’t change the fact that high weight, visceral fat means dying earlier or average. Now do with that what you will b

I mean...I'm a size 14 on average, 16 in H&M (cos their sizes come up small as hell) and a 12 in Hobbs and I do Iron Man (the marathon is a killer tbh). And when I swam competitively, I was a similar size. So I'm probably a bit fitter than most of the people here in the UK and have been through most of my life.

I am far from overweight. And far from unhealthy. I am strong. I am sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. Women can be strong and athletic and not be sticks.

Just because some of the women on mumsnet like to starve themselves and sustain on 1,200 calories a day, or less, and partake in competitive eating doesn't make that normal.

You can be a size 14 and a size 16 and be completely healthy. Just because you don't want to believe that, doesn't mean it's not true.

Amen @Devilshands

@Devilshands it's pretty clear that you are an outlier. And dress size is meaningless as you have just shown in your post as you wear three different sizes from three different shops.

Which is why people need to stop with this 'size 14 is fat' bullshit. Which has been my point through all my posts. Dress size means jack shit.

I'm a size 14 and I am most definitely fat. I have rolls on my stomach that most certainly isn't muscle!