Not looking forward to wedding as I’ll spend most of it alone

[JaspnFelix]

My BIL is getting married at the end of may. DH is his best man, both our sons are Page Boys. The couple have hired two wedding Nannies to help with the children, the only children invited are those of the wedding party or immediate family (so the brides niece, our children and DHs cousins kids, one of the other groomsmen’s child etc.)
These Nannies will apparently be helping with getting kids in the wedding party down the aisle etc.
For the wedding meal, DH is at the top table in the capacity of best man, along with his parents, the brides parents and her maid of honour. The other 4 groomsmen (including DHs cousin) will be at a table just for the groomsmen and their plus ones, the bridesmaids have a similar set up. They have a kids table at the back where they will be with the Nannies.
Im with DHs extended paternal family, so his two cousins, their partners, his aunt and uncle and his grandma, I barely know any of them, can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve met them.
I know his maternal family better but their table is full apparently.
AIBU to be really not looking forward to the wedding and to be even considering just not going as I’ll be spending the day with people I hardly know?

I know I’d feel a bit uncomfortable too as I’m not great with strangers/people don’t know well but the wedding breakfast is 1-2 hours max usually; the ceremony an hour depending on type, of course they will have formal photos done but the rest of the time it’s free flow all day surely? Mingling, dancing etc?

Are you expected to relinquish your children to these nannies all day/evening and have nothing to do with them? I wouldn’t be having any of that nonsense.

Go with a positive mindset to enjoy yourself - it’s one day and not worth causing a family feud over.

This is quite normal, I've been in a similar situation. Not going would be incredibly rude. The drinks reception will feel long if you don't know anyone but dinner will be fine. The people next to you will make polite small talk. Then after dinner hopefully the formalities are over and DH can keep you company (my in laws went off for hours more photos at this point with DH (best man) so I was hanging about for AGES, but their friends were politely chatting to me). Is it in a hotel and do you have a room? Worst case scenario escape up there for the drinks reception

Just get to know them

They're a part of DH's family though, how do you expect to ever get to know them if you don't spend time with them?

Seating plans at weddings cause so much hassle to brides/grooms that I'm sure they've thought of every possible solution to who can and can't sit with whoever else. I don't think it's too much to ask that for a couple of hours during food and speeches you chat and mingle with the extended family.

When my DH was an usher at his friend’s wedding he was put on the top table and I was sat at another table with people I didn’t know at all. I didn’t know anyone at the wedding other than my DH and the groom! I wasn’t very happy tbh…….

AIBU to be really not looking forward to the wedding and to be even considering just not going as I’ll be spending the day with people I hardly know?

Well, to me, yes, YABVU! I’m hardly the most sociable of people but surely one of the significant purposes of a wedding is to bring families closer together? And broaden the number of inter-related people one gets to know. What would be the point of leaving your house ever, if you’re only interested in communicating with people you already know well? So I don’t see the problem.

But of course you might be different.

I feel for you but it's one of those situations to just suck it up and make polite conversation! It would be too rude not to go and your DH and kids will really enjoy their roles, I'd expect my DH to just deal with this in a similar situation.

You’ll be spending the meal with people you don’t know well; don’t be over dramatic and not go. You’ll be with your DH for the evening and you might find common ground with your DHs extended family. I wouldn’t be overly looking forward to it but it’s a few hours

I fully get your anxiety. I hate this sort of thing and I would be dreading it too.

I'm also a former wedding manager and I would have encouraged the B&G to include you on the top table so you aren't sitting 'by yourself'. I think it's actually quite inconsiderate what they've done.

In reality, it isn't going to change now so you're going to have to try have some conversations in your mind for the meal. Is there another person on your table who won't have their spouse sat next to them?

I think you're being a bit precious and if you assume you won't enjoy it you probably won't. Why not approach it as a lovely celebration of a life milestone in your extended family in which your husband and children will play an important role. You're invited bybthe bride and groom to celebrate with them. What a lovely thing, everyone has a reason to be in a good mood.

Isn’t this a great chance to get to know them?

Don’t you want to celebrate with your BIL?

You might not have the Best Day Ever, but there are certainly worse things to do with your time.

just suck it up and make polite conversation

Would it truly not be possible to actually enjoy the occasion and relish the opportunity to strengthen connections and maybe make new friends? Expend one’s energy making other people feel happy and at ease, rather than thinking purely about how hard done by you feel?

(Am I perhaps speaking from a long, long lost era?)

Take a book with you

Hang out with his maternal family at the ceremony & afterwards, and just make conversation and get to know the paternal family at the wedding breakfast. Then you can be with your DH all evening.

You have an excuse to wander off and talk to the children/nannies if it gets a bit much. But just try and enjoy it, you may find someone on your table that you actually get on well with. At least everyone should be on their best, friendliest behaviour at the wedding.

I can’t find that advice in Debrett’s, @whirlyhead!

Just put on your big girl pants and make an effort to be sociable. It isn't such a big deal that you need to sulk and not go.

Jeez

Enjoy the time without your dc hanging off you and dh. I'd be enjoying a nice glass of wine and dinner.

This!

YABU to be worrying about sitting through a meal in May.

It's a few hours. Smile, have some stock phrases ready, some questions for polite conversation: how are xyz? have you been on holiday this year? do you enjoy the garden? isn't it a marveloous wedding? didn't you love the choir/ car/ page boys? oh yes my son is a page boy...cue funny story about him that morning. Oh yes my DH is so nervous about his speech...cue story about DH. etc etc.

Yes maybe a bit tedious, or quite fun, depending on how much effort the other people make.

But to consider not going because you have to make converstion for a few hours is not healthy.

I actually think it's quite inconsiderate, I sat my (quite new at the time) now SIL to sit next to my BIL who was best man.

It's crap.
We deliberately didn't have a "top table" to make sure people were comfortable and having a good time at our wedding. The best man sat at at table with his boyfriend and cousins, step mil was a chair away from MIL, my uncle was also with us as otherwise he would have been on his own and in his own personal hell etc etc.
Weddings by the book are a recipe for a very long and dreary day IMO.

I'd feel exactly the same, hate being stuck with people I don't know. But sometimes you've got to suck it up and be sociable. You don't know these people well, this is your chance to get to know them. It'll only be a for a couple of hours anyway and for half of that you'll be sat listening to speeches.

Me and DPs best "couple friends" are a couple we met because we got sat on the "randoms" table at a wedding. I was absolutely dreading it but ended up with a decade (and counting) long friendship with two wonderful people.

Usually I'm pretty awkward in social situations but I've been at a few weddings sat at a table where I don't really know people and I've enjoyed it. The thought of it is worse than doing it.