Not looking forward to wedding as I’ll spend most of it alone

[JaspnFelix]

My BIL is getting married at the end of may. DH is his best man, both our sons are Page Boys. The couple have hired two wedding Nannies to help with the children, the only children invited are those of the wedding party or immediate family (so the brides niece, our children and DHs cousins kids, one of the other groomsmen’s child etc.)
These Nannies will apparently be helping with getting kids in the wedding party down the aisle etc.
For the wedding meal, DH is at the top table in the capacity of best man, along with his parents, the brides parents and her maid of honour. The other 4 groomsmen (including DHs cousin) will be at a table just for the groomsmen and their plus ones, the bridesmaids have a similar set up. They have a kids table at the back where they will be with the Nannies.
Im with DHs extended paternal family, so his two cousins, their partners, his aunt and uncle and his grandma, I barely know any of them, can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve met them.
I know his maternal family better but their table is full apparently.
AIBU to be really not looking forward to the wedding and to be even considering just not going as I’ll be spending the day with people I hardly know?

Cop off with the maid of honour’s husband.

I was very polite to the girl when she asked and mentioned I didn’t think there would be any jobs, but I’ll keep it in mind and I introduced her to a bunch of my friends all of which were attendees, and gave her many more opportunities to meet people, including the other bridal party members partners (who never made a fuss and had a great day). But I walked away thinking, gosh this girl is so strange, what does she want from me. She wasn’t my friend, she was a new girlfriend to the best man whom I was on my second meeting with. The wedding wasn’t even booked at this stage. I won’t mention that she also dissed my engagement ring before asking for a job.

guests are a priority, but I don’t worry about giving everybody a job or a purpose. They are guests, that’s it. I made sure they had a nice time, good food and entertainment. A bride or Groom is not responsible for guests getting along with others and going with the flow of the day, it’s completely down to the individual to make the best of it and get into the spirit, regardless. It’s up to the guest to roll with the day. A guest being problematic about that, is merely a nuisance.

YABU to be considering not going, it YANBU to be not looking forward to it. They might be a great laugh, you never know, so go with an open mind and a goal to get to know them. Even if they are dreary, do your best because it’s your DH’s brother, and an important family occasion for them so you owe him this support for one day.

But you do know them: they are your DH’s family and you have met them at least once before! Greet them enthusiastically, ask how they are, what they are up to, look at their SM a few days before and plan a few conversation openers about their jnterests.

The friendlier you are, the easier it all is.

Big glass of wine and relax.

1000 Sudoku puzzles ?

When I got married so many people just moaned about things before, during and after that when I look back I don't have the happy memories I should have.
I would still marry same person but invite minimal people.
To be honest as I have got older I realise how many selfish self centred people there are out there.
It's hardly a major issue going to a wedding. You are sounding very dramatic over having a meal and few drinks and making the day nice for the wedding couple. Try to think of making the day nice for them instead of this poor me mentality.
This post is exactly why I would have no one or minimal people at my wedding if I did it again.

We didnt have our best man on the top table for exactly this reason. I personally wouldnt have split couples up at the wedding breakfast, no matter who they were in the wedding. But, YABU to even consider not going because you have to sit with extended family for a couple of hours. Its not the end of the world, make polite conversation, listen to the speeches, laugh and smile, and enjoy a warm meal without DCs mithering you. Then youll have a lovely evening to look forward to dancing with DH & DCs. Id actually love to be in this situation tbh abit of me time would be great. And I couldnt even imagine missing my BIL wedding just because of a seating plan for a small portion of the day

Liking the big girl pants comment, fk it … try ‘em on for size ! You just might like them and have a good time .

To not go, yes that’s unreasonable. I’m sure the people on the table will be chatty, I enjoy getting to know the people on my table, how they know the bride and groom, what they do for a living, chit chat. Once the wine is flowing it is easier. Then for the evening the best man duties are done. Ask your Dp to speak to the bride and groom if you’d rather be on another table

What a GREAT opportunity to get to know that side of the family!

You'll be the star of your table! Your DC are lead players in the wedding ☺️

Go. Have fun. At the very least, big girl pants on and make like a member of the royal family

I had a similar situation to this when it was (now ex) BIL’s wedding. H was best man, my two children were 3 years and 11 months old. There were no nannies. H was on top table along with his mum, my SIL and her family on a different table. I was on a table with BIL’s bride’s family (non of whom I’d met before) trying to look after a baby and small child on my own. The meal and sitting down bit lasted over 3 hours with long speeches while we were at the table. I spent most of the weekend on my own with my H out drinking the night before (destination wedding so stuck in a small hotel room on my own with baby and toddler trying to get them a good night’s sleep so they were on good form the next day). No nannies were hired so I didn’t get to switch off at all as I needed to carry 11 month old around the whole time.

We went, because it’s what you do as family

You don’t have to just hand your children over to the Nannies and go and sit on your own all day though.

How old are your sons? The whole plan about how the kids will be looked after by the nannies may be more or less unrealistic depending on that. I wouldn’t worry about it though - children tend to throw a spanner into plans made anyway. Especially when those plans are made by childless people who think it’s as simple as getting some nannies to look after the children. You can just adapt as required.

The meal itself - it’ll be fine. And if your sons are young then I would imagine it’s an excuse to visit the kids table to check on them etc whenever you like. Or you may end up with a child or two sitting on your lap for the meal.

I’d be hoping that I get to used the kids as an excuse to avoid the speeches. I loathe wedding speeches. So having to sort out my children in a different room seems a great way of avoiding having to sit through that.

After that your husband can come and spend time with you anyway.

I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

I hope your DH's family don't see this thread

I think YABVU. You'll be without your DH and children in the church and at the meal. That's it

Ask your DH to tell you more about his family in advance, to aid conversation

Haven't read all the replies but how can you consider not going the see your sons being page boys? It tells me you are a rather selfish person I'm afraid.

Have you never been anywhere where you don’t know anybody or only know people vaguely? It’s not that hard, you just chat, I don’t even know what else to say it is that easy. It would be incredibly rude and silly to turn down a wedding invitation of people that you are close enough to for your husband to be best man and your children to be page boys.

I wouldn’t go. It sounds dull beyond belief. Nobody will care if you’re there or not.

I think people will notice if the best man's wife is absent, especially if their kids are pages.
The day isn't about you , make the effort it's a few hours at a meal.

NBU to feel as you do, but I do think you should go. During the ceremony you won't need to be with someone because you'll be watching your boys do their thing (and the bride and groom!), and the afterwards bit would be a great opportunity for some people watching, then fairly easy chat at the table for food.
Hope you enjoy yourself despite your reservations.

Well it depends. I'm a very sociable person and love chatting to new people, up to a point. If they're sociable too it helps massively. Otherwise if they're not I can go in to my shell and not talk. If they're chatty, friendly people you might really enjoy yourself but I wouldn't really like being separated from my family

No they won’t. Most of them won’t even know who the best man’s wife is (or the page boys’ mum). The OP is just another wedding guest.

Hardly anyone will care what she’s doing for any of the day.

And, frankly, I know that my 3 year old would not conveniently sit with the Nannie’s at the kids table. I’d have to relocate myself back there and probably take him elsewhere to run around and play while the speeches went on.

I dislike weddings like this full stop I always go to the evening only now.

If your DH is okay with it and you are not close to BIL and SIL do it.

I think your brother in law's wedding is a big deal - it's close family. Of course her in laws would care if she missed it.

@Longma but these aren't strangers. She has met them all before, one of them is her DH's grandma.

I did once get sat with total strangers - all of whom knew each other well and, despite generally finding this sort of thing ok, I found it quite stressful. But that isn't the situation here. It's extended family she has met before and will see again, so a chance to get to know them.