Not looking forward to wedding as I’ll spend most of it alone

[JaspnFelix]

My BIL is getting married at the end of may. DH is his best man, both our sons are Page Boys. The couple have hired two wedding Nannies to help with the children, the only children invited are those of the wedding party or immediate family (so the brides niece, our children and DHs cousins kids, one of the other groomsmen’s child etc.)
These Nannies will apparently be helping with getting kids in the wedding party down the aisle etc.
For the wedding meal, DH is at the top table in the capacity of best man, along with his parents, the brides parents and her maid of honour. The other 4 groomsmen (including DHs cousin) will be at a table just for the groomsmen and their plus ones, the bridesmaids have a similar set up. They have a kids table at the back where they will be with the Nannies.
Im with DHs extended paternal family, so his two cousins, their partners, his aunt and uncle and his grandma, I barely know any of them, can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve met them.
I know his maternal family better but their table is full apparently.
AIBU to be really not looking forward to the wedding and to be even considering just not going as I’ll be spending the day with people I hardly know?

I've been in this situation and was actually incredibly nervous about attending. But, I had a WONDERFUL day. Everyone was lovely, really chatty, interested to know more about me and my family. It was great. Don't write off the day, you might love it.

I once ended up sitting next to a shy 9 year old bridesmaid with no-one on my other side as a 25 yr old maid of honour as a result of this! Most boring meal ever.

My God - the world’s going to Hell in a handcart …

I think it's the nanny situation that is making it weird. I've never heard of wedding nannies is that really a thing? And will your children really be happy wanting to be with the nannies the whole time or will they want to come over to you at times? I certainly wouldn't be in a hurry to send them back over, and would quite assertively say to any nanny that it's fine, these are your kids and you will take it from here thank you very much - including taking kid's plate back to where you are sitting and have then eat sitting on your lap, if that's what kid wants.

You can’t not go. You might meet your future best friend! Go with a positive attitude.

I quite like weddings where I don’t know many people. I can just people-watch without having to chat much or ‘circulate’.

And your kids are going to be running to and from you anyway. That can be the topic of conversation!

I think you'd be a bit U not to attend a family wedding, but can see why you're not looking forward to it. Hopefully it'll be better than you think.

Plaster on a smile, have a glass of wine & try to relax. Like a pp said how do you expect to get to know dh family if you never mix? If you start out determined not you enjoy the day then you won't enjoy it will you
Don't take a book & don't refuse to go. That would be very embarrassing for your dh & you'd look very rude.
And for those who say it's crap & thoughtless to sit you apart from dh, what do they expect to happen? You can't have everyone & their spouses sitting at the top table. You might be nervous but you're close to looking like a big baby who can't be apart from it's mum for an hour or two. Just try your best for your dh & dc sake.

Jom222 · Today 15:24
@Jom222
I'd expect it to be a shit day overall and tell H that you get a day soon that he cares for the kids while you do whatever you like for the entire day. That's your carrot to get you through the day.

What a negative attitude to start out with, you sound like you'd be determined not to enjoy it. And having a day to yourself with dh doing all the childcare is a nice idea & should happen, but a wedding where your dh & dc is part of the wedding party is not usually so tortourous enough that your dh has to specifically repay the favour.

I think this outdated sort of wedding stuff should die a death - seat people with partners - job done.

I really detest that long top table bollocks when you can only talk to the person next to you as well.

You’ll be fine OP but I get it and I’ll feel the same.

The thing I dread is going to an event with DH as I know the temptation is just to talk to him all evening. Much easier to get to know new people if you’re on your own. Look on it as a blessing that they’ve taken you DH away and given you some freedom.

It's refreshing to see a post where bride and groom are trying, albeit perhaps not in your eyes, to let you enjoy it.

My four year old would love this, she would be all go away mummy I'm a big girl. The older two, hmmmm. And the youngest, three, not a chance. I would of course let her have a shot but she would be across that room as soon as she saw me.

Enjoy it, meet family, relax, help out when needed. Just a short meal then back to normal.

I have pretty severe social anxiety and I still think you are being unreasonable about this. It’s a meal with your husband’s family. You may even get up a time or two in between courses to go check on your children. The rest of the party you will be able to socialize with people you know better.

we all occasionally have to sit through a boring family dinner. This may be yours. With any luck you will at least have a seat that allows good people watching.

Yes, YABU. You can last a few hours without your DH and DC at this wedding while making small talk. You'll have good food, music and who knows? You might even enjoy yourself getting to know them?!

Wedding are one of the better events to be seated with random people you don't know.

Lots of obvious things to make small talk on - the dress, the ceremony, the cute little ones, the food, the couples plans for honeymoon is a good one for getting onto where people have honeymooned or holidayed themselves, And lots of opportunities to circulate and say hello to those you do know.

My husband was best man at 2 weddings last year and he was on the top table and I was on random tables - I had an absolutely brilliant time at both weddings!!! Met some really interesting people and had some good chats that I wouldn’t have had otherwise!

I went to a lovely celebration meal last weekend. I went on my own, no partner. My group from old were all there in couples. I was the only one from that group seated at another table. I was sat between elderly relatives on one side and former work colleagues on the other. I had never met any of them before. Relatives were opposite but too far away to talk to at dinner. I turned on the charm and chatted inanely to total strangers. I had a lovely time; I talked to other guests after the meal. Ended up with my group in the bar at the end of the evening. I made the best of a not perfect evening.

i think this is one of those events you need to just get on with it, as it’s only 1 day.

when I was getting married our best man’s then girlfriend told me I needed to give her a job for the day, cause she wouldn’t know anyone at it, while attending a party with all our guests. I barely knew her and thought it was very cheeky. So let it go, smile and make the best of it.

Actually I don't think that's cheeky. I think it's thoughtful and sensible. She won't really know anyone, so wouldn't be "needed" for photos, formalities etc. It would also give her a great way to meet people. I think she'll go far!

Asking someone you don’t know for a job at a wedding is cheeky. There are no jobs at a wedding, unless a bridal party member or a paid supplier. I could hardly make something up for her to do. She would be a guest like everyone else, no special treatment. she wasn't a priority for me. Similar to you at this wedding.

As for the comment about going far, well she didn’t go far. she was emotionally abusive to her boyfriend and he had to break up with her eventually. Safe to say we weren’t sad about it because we really didn’t enjoy her company; she wasn’t very nice to anyone. So she had no job at the wedding thank goodness.

I went to a friend’s wedding on my own where I knew no one but the bride and groom. I had a brilliant time.

@Changedmymind99 She would be a guest like everyone else, no special treatment. she wasn't a priority for me.

That's really rude, all your guests should be a priority. Yes it was a bit odd for her to ask for a job (note the drip feed), but you could have been more magnanimous.

Best night I had recently was at a wedding where I expected to know noone. An acquaintance sat next to me and we chatted for hours, was lovely. Go with an open mind and a camera, you can always take some nice informal photos as you will know all the main people

Surely as an adult you can make social chat with the other guests for a few hours. Have you no curiosity about the people who have been invited to share this experience?

This is ridiculous advice, how do you whether OP isn't an introvert, or suffers social anxiety?

"gEt tO KnOw ThEm"...

OP you just gave to go.
Your DCs might need you more than you are considering as the wedding nannies might not be able to keep them away from you at all times, unless your DH is on standby for child duties during the entire wedding.
You'll find something to talk about at the table and you'll probably really enjoy yourself.

I’m an introvert and have no problem chatting to strangers.

So no, not ridiculous advice.