MIL injured my dd and would not take her to hospital

[Almondmist]

This is eating me up inside as I can't talk about this with anyone else, please help me decide what to do. Last year I went to visit my in-laws with my dds, my dh didn't go due to work commitments. My in-laws are nice people but also small minded. They live abroad in a small town and I can have a basic conversation with them in thier language. One night Dd2 slept with me and dd1 (4) slept with my mil. I have always used a bed guard with my dds abroad and my in-laws know this very well. It's a stone floor. In the middle of the night, dd1 woke up and came to me because she had a bad dream. I comforted her and my mil took her back to bed. 1 hour later I heard a thud and dd1 screaming. I ran into the room to see dd1 on the floor, her chin split open dripping blood. She had not been put on the side of the bed where the bed guard was in place, but on the other side where my mil should have been sleeping. The cut was an inch wide. I panicked and told my fil to take us to the hospital while my ignorant mil got a wet tissue to dab at the wound. My fil didn't take us to the hospital but a tiny medical centre, which was a tiny room with a guy claiming he was a nurse. He put a plaster on and that's all. I only have a beginner level knowledge of the local language and I said she needs stitches but the guy said no need it's enough. My dd bled for around four days, I begged my in-laws to take her to a hospital but they would look a me with a blank stare like they didn't understand me. I called my dh on the phone to translate to them but my fil refused and took her again to the same medical centre who only changed the plaster. I said to please call a taxi and I would pay for it but they said there are no taxis in the area. There is a hospital 20 mins drive away. I felt so lost and helpless. I cried so much. Its healed but there is a noticible scar left which, given the size, will remain. I was never given an apology for what happened and was told 'its just thier mentality'.
This time when I visited my in-laws with my dh, my mil notice the scar and said my dd should have got stitches. I saw red in that moment and screamed why she didn't do anything at the time and take dd to the hospital like I had begged.
I know what happened wasn't intentional but it was neglect and I am expected to carry on like nothing happened. But I can't let it go, I never want to see my in-laws again or leave take my dds there to meet them, I never enjoyed going I only did it for my dh. Soon the yearly subject will come up of booking the plane tickets and i want to tell dh no this time. I get so much anxiety and stressed out at the thought of going back there. I'm civil with my inlaws but i hate them since that incident. What would you do in my situation?

I said: “As you would expect any partner who was serious enough to marry you to learn your parent's language I presume you would expect your parents to learn to speak your partners language fluently too?”

In response to that you said:
“I would absolutely expect them to make a similar effort. Luckily we're a very mixed family with lots of languages and cultures so they don't see it as some ludicrously high bar.”

My question is how many hours of study do you think it would take for your partner to learn your parents language or visa versa to a level you think appropriate.

She didn't know of any taxi company to call rather than she wouldn't be able to speak to one. Her in laws said there weren't any local ones and she didn't have an internet connection so how would she find the number? Maybe she should have taken emergency numbers with her but given she was staying with her parents in law who know the area and are Italian it's not surprising she didn't. She would have expected them to help.

But she said that she was able to speak to DH on the phone. Presumably he had recourse to the Internet? Even if she was speaking to him via a landline, he could have looked up transport options for her. It just doesn't make sense.

Maybe it's true there are no taxis then. I do think the medical centre should have been able to sort it out with steri strips though and a trip to the hospital shouldn't have been required. I don't think this is anyone's fault apart from the nurse maybe who from the sounds of it didn't do a good job.

As I said before, I just don't believe in the existence of a "small town" in Europe, which is 30 minutes from a large town, whose inhabitants have no access whatsoever to any transport.

A trip to the hospital wasn't required, in the opinion of the nurse, twice. Had it been, he would have advised it.

Again, I said nothing about fluency or "hours of study" - that's you putting words in my mouth (again).

I said I would expect both parties to make an equal effort. I didn't say I would expect anyone to be fluent or having to dedicate hours and hours of their time to studying. That's something you've decided I've said and now think I should somehow elaborate on

I remember my dad buying the BBC "Italianissimo" books and using them to teach him (and me) basic Italian. I still remember the scripts from the tapes and how to order ice-cream and what a newstand was called

I thought you were saying that your partner should be fluent as you clearly didn't think basic conversation was enough. I therefore asked you if you would expect your parents to learn the language fluently too and you said yes! You didn't say that you wouldn't expect either to be fluent.

@coffeeaddict77

secondo me dovresti fare un passo indietro! Sei troppo investito in questo thread!



😂

E come un cane con un osso!

My husband's native language is Tamil. I can't speak a word. I speak French, Spanish and German to a certain degree. I briefly tried Tamil - it was way too hard, they all speak English.

@MerryMarigold where does Tamil come from? How did you meet?