MIL injured my dd and would not take her to hospital

[Almondmist]

This is eating me up inside as I can't talk about this with anyone else, please help me decide what to do. Last year I went to visit my in-laws with my dds, my dh didn't go due to work commitments. My in-laws are nice people but also small minded. They live abroad in a small town and I can have a basic conversation with them in thier language. One night Dd2 slept with me and dd1 (4) slept with my mil. I have always used a bed guard with my dds abroad and my in-laws know this very well. It's a stone floor. In the middle of the night, dd1 woke up and came to me because she had a bad dream. I comforted her and my mil took her back to bed. 1 hour later I heard a thud and dd1 screaming. I ran into the room to see dd1 on the floor, her chin split open dripping blood. She had not been put on the side of the bed where the bed guard was in place, but on the other side where my mil should have been sleeping. The cut was an inch wide. I panicked and told my fil to take us to the hospital while my ignorant mil got a wet tissue to dab at the wound. My fil didn't take us to the hospital but a tiny medical centre, which was a tiny room with a guy claiming he was a nurse. He put a plaster on and that's all. I only have a beginner level knowledge of the local language and I said she needs stitches but the guy said no need it's enough. My dd bled for around four days, I begged my in-laws to take her to a hospital but they would look a me with a blank stare like they didn't understand me. I called my dh on the phone to translate to them but my fil refused and took her again to the same medical centre who only changed the plaster. I said to please call a taxi and I would pay for it but they said there are no taxis in the area. There is a hospital 20 mins drive away. I felt so lost and helpless. I cried so much. Its healed but there is a noticible scar left which, given the size, will remain. I was never given an apology for what happened and was told 'its just thier mentality'.
This time when I visited my in-laws with my dh, my mil notice the scar and said my dd should have got stitches. I saw red in that moment and screamed why she didn't do anything at the time and take dd to the hospital like I had begged.
I know what happened wasn't intentional but it was neglect and I am expected to carry on like nothing happened. But I can't let it go, I never want to see my in-laws again or leave take my dds there to meet them, I never enjoyed going I only did it for my dh. Soon the yearly subject will come up of booking the plane tickets and i want to tell dh no this time. I get so much anxiety and stressed out at the thought of going back there. I'm civil with my inlaws but i hate them since that incident. What would you do in my situation?

Your PIL accessed medical care for you. You went twice and were told the same thing by a proffessional. If you were unhappy it was entirely down to you to sort out a trip to the hospital.

In terms of getting medical care, you clearly speak English and many people all over the world also speak it too, even if it’s a basic amount.

Actually: In terms of getting medical care, if you are married to an Italian and spend holidays with your children in Italy, learn to speak Italian. Your DD is four, you must have been in a relationship with your Italian husband for at least five years.

be very cautions about how much direct contact mil has with your kids

Have your kids never had accidents while in your care? It was an accident and medical attention was then sought promptly and given.

Hey OP, I totally agree with your anger.
If you do go back, on a practical note there is a lot you can do to avoid feeling lost and helpless again, that must have been horrible. Can you research contacts and addresses for hospitals and other urgent care, as well as numbers for local taxis in advance? There may well not be taxi companies in such a rural area, but can your DH do research into what the options would be. You could also contact the embassy who should at least support you in accessing urgent care and getting any translation support, and/or your health insurance provider. Another option is to find Facebook groups for expats in Italy or the specific region you're in, join those, and post asking for help if you need it. And maybe invest in a portable WiFi for any trips if that would help. When you have an emergency abroad, it's awful, so it can be helpful to have these details listed in a document so you don't need to think.
I understand you wouldn't have done this the first time as you thought you could rely on in-laws. I really hope your DH talks to them about this and explains that your and his decisions on your children's care need to be listened to, otherwise you won't feel safe visiting their home. You could then base yourselves in a nearish town or city, maybe renting a car for the visit. But personally I wouldn't let your kids stay there again unless you can feel confident you could get them to urgent care if needed

Some people are super hysterical about taxis on here. I grew up in rural Italy, you can find taxis everywhere now! Maybe not in every tiny town but if there is a hospital within 30mins you can find a taxi place too.
as others have said it’s not rural Afghanistan!!

If you had two singles you could have top and tailed the dds, and had one yourself. Agree you need t9 take some responsibility for the mishap and not getting hospital care. Surely you would roughly know where the hospital was, given it was not your first visit. However no don't visit them again.

@Toomanyemails you would contact the embassy because a small child hit her chin? Omg 😦

those that are saying Italian healthcare is superior. No. Yes it has some excellent hospitals that would rival our best tertiary providers and provide highest standards of care. But. Go further into rural areas of Europe. Spain/italy etc. and it’s not the same. There is a basic level of standard care in NHS which treat emergencies like this. There isn’t in Europe. The equipment is very old and not fit for purpose. I have had experience recently. I think those saying state of NHS are confusing waiting times for elective care and delay in emergency treatment with the actual care that is then provided. And again I’m not talking about chronic community care.

Go further into rural areas of Europe

OP said the hospital was 20 mins away then corrected to 30 mins away. It cant be that rural if the hospital is only a half hour drive can it? I live in a city and my local hospital is a 45 minute drive away so further away than this allegedly isolated rural backwater that noone can get to.

Refuse to ever go back there without your DH. What would they do in a proper emergency? That would be my concern. I would not be able to be around people who are unsafe with children and minimise health issues. I bet if one of them had fallen on their face like that they would have gone to hospital?

In a proper emergency they probably would've driven the 20 30 mins to hospital?

It wasn't an emergency, it was a cut chin!

@Almondmist - some posters seem determined to misunderstand / misread what you have written - please ignore the haters. For what it's worth, I think you'd be quite justified in saying that you are not content taking your kids to your in-laws alone until they are older and less vulnerable. Small children are hard to look after and things go wrong quite quickly with them (as you have evidenced). Nothing against the in-laws - but say (firmly) to your DH, that given the lack of internet, the language problems, and the cultural differences, you don't feel safe going alone with young DCs. Nothing to stop DH taking them when he does actually have leave (presumably he speaks Italian?) Make it clear that when they are older you're happy to reconsider, but it is too risky when they are young.

What did your mil say when you started shouting at her?

And yanbu. I would refuse to go again too.

Good lord we are talking about southern Italy??? I thought from your post you were on a remote island in the Philippines or something.

Italian medical care is excellent. I'm sure if your daughter had needed stitches the medical centre would have referred her.

Agree with others your are projecting your guilt onto your PILs. You were absolutely able to get to a hospital on your own in 3 days. Couldn't use translator app because of patchy WiFi?? That's pathetic. Just say OSPEDALE. And TAXI.

If you really don't trust your PILs the rent a car for your next stay. Buy an Italian English dictionary and phrasebook (can't believe I have to type this out). Take some classes in Italian. Take responsibility for being a parent in a foreign country.

My Italian PILs are dead, I can't tell you how lucky you are to have these available and wanting to host you on holidays. Keep going with the kids so they have a relationship and learn some Italian so you can talk to them!!!

Not the point of the thread - but always download the offline version of Google translate (free) so you can use it without connectivity. It can be a godsend

I also think the OP should have made her own way to hospital if she was that worried.

"unfortunately healthcare abroad is not of the same standard as home. Even in Europe".

Every single WHO ranking table for the last decade, would disagree with you.

FFS someone having a different opinion isn’t a “hater”. 🙄

I can't believe someone advised contacting the EMBASSY for a child sustaining a cut! Get a grip!

Good morning all, I'm still here, just trying to catch up with all the replies, I'm surprised and appreciative of how much attention this thread has received. The title of the thread is misleading I realise, it was an accident not intentional. Also about dd bleeding for 4 days I should mention it was not profusely, the blood was soaking slowly through the plaster and going on her top (a few drops). There were no steri strips applied, just the plaster which was changed. I don't know if going to hospital would have made a difference, it's just what I would do here in the UK. I definitely have my fair share of blame in all this, I am angry at myself too. I was made to feel like a crazy person for veggin to go to the hospital, they all looked at me confused as to why I wanted to go. Maybe this is the norm for how small injuries are treated there. I started to question myself if I was overreacting to thr situation and dd had been given the appropriate treatment. I should have been better prepared of emergency numbers and where the nearest hospital was before I visited.

Yes - health care in Europe isnt the same standard as the UK. ITS MUCH BETTER!

The NHS is a disgrace and needs a complete overhaul. Bring on co payments and a review of the mismanagement internally. I was a supplier for many many years to NHS. They need to hang their heads in shame at their processes that the clung onto for dear life. A number of depts were running what I would call cottage industries whereby the slower they worked the more people they needed and the less their job was at risk.

unfortunately healthcare abroad is not of the same standard as home

You're right - it's much better.

Op literally said in her op why this was a problem.

On a slight tangent, I recommend taking steri strips in holiday first aid kits. They're not difficult to apply (though read up on how to do it) and can be helpful as, at the very least, a temporary measure. I always have them in my first aid kit.