Should i have invited my brother to a girls weekend away?

[NatMoz]

It is both my mum's 70th and my aunty's 60th in March/April.

My brother had made 0 plans and his only idea was a Chinese. I said that I'll book a girls long weekend away (myself, mum and aunty) to make it memorable and he can be in charge of the inclusive family meal where everyone will be invited to celebrate which he agreed to.

So I've planned, booked, organised an itinerary for a long weekend European city break for the 3 of us for a girls weekend. My brother is now absolutely hounding me because he has decided he would also like to join in on the girls weekend. Telling me he doesn't mind carrying the bags and is there room for a little one. I explained it would spoil the dynamic of the trip and at 31 why would he want to spend a girls weekend with us anyway🤣. He is already going on holiday with my mum and dad for 10 days in June to Greece so it's not like he's missing out on going abroad and spending time with my parents! He lives at home so spends every day with them so again it's not like he lives on the other side of the world.

He explained he hasn't been on holiday with my aunty in 10 years. The last time he did, i organised that trip too!!! I did say if he felt so strongly about it, why has he not organised something prior to this point as there have been 10 years of opportunities.

I've now been told I'm banned from the family meal he is organising 🤷.

To clarify further, my husband, my dad nor my daughter (aged 2) will be attending this weekend away either. Just myself, mum and aunty.

Am i in the wrong here?

That's not research, it's an opinion piece.

And as I said, that's a self-perpetuating cycle, and I'm not convinced it serves anyone or anything except reinforcing ignorance division and isolation.

Oh don't bring your anti-trans nonsense in here. Everyone knows what gender means in this context.

Would your Mum and Auntie like him to go?

If so, tell him which flights and hotel you have booked and tell him he'll need book his own flight and hotel as you can't afford to pay for him too. See if he still wants to go then.........

And his mother and his aunt are perfectly happy with that

Wow, I think you're unnecessarily critical.
I think my meaning is clear without the comma, but ja, sorry, I should have put a comma there.
I'm typing, cooking and cleaning and don't proofread as well as I should have, although I don't think it warrants such a snide comment.

It will be blissful for your aunt and mum, no waiting on the blokes hand and foot. It’s a well earned break for them I’m sure.

They're not 'working men's clubs'

And Men's Sheds is new and growing

@PrawnLiberationFront

Anti trans nonsense? What the actual fuck is wrong with you? I am Female, I have never had a gender.

I'm not ashamed to be female, nor do I want to see it being eradicated to appease men!

Gender is a new concept, women/female is the correct term.

Women strong and proud!

FFS. YANBU. You have booked, organised and paid for a weekend for you, your mother and aunt. It is your gift to them.

Tell your brother he can come if he gives you half the money to make it a gift from
you both. I guarantee the CF will change his mind when he realises he can’t piggy back on your kindness.

There are often posts on here where women say that they go out and meet a friend but she insists on bringing her partner.

And they complain that that isn't the idea and it totally changes the dynamic.

Are they being Unreasonable?

And the usual answer is an overwhelming Yes

Gender is not a new concept at all, the word has been in use since the 13th century.

Sorry to puncture your victim complex but no one is suggesting eradicating females.

You can state you think it is perpetuating isolation and ignorance, but I think having women only chats/days promotes cross-generational learning and information sharing about important parts in a woman's life. Chatting about marriage/menstruation/birth /babies/menopause etc is important for helping us feel less isolated. Some of these conversations we wouldn't have with men in the vicinity.
And vice versa

There is many many opportunities for both genders to be together. Vast majority of experiences is both men and women. Work, Christmas parties birthdays etc. virtually every human interaction for an occasion you will spend with your family and friends which includes your husband, dad, sons etc. there will maybe be a once a year girls weekend away where it's the only time where you can share similar experiences. How is this a problem?

OP I think if you had said that you were taking your mum and your aunt away as a joint birthday treat and that your brother, who is 31, lives at home and expects his mum to do all his washing and cooking is now insisting on coming you would have had quite different replies. I think suggesting that because he is male it would change the dynamic rather than because he is a lazy entitled manchild would change the dynamic has resulted in the many of the replies you have received.

How stupid. No wonder he's put out.

but it’s not even a joint treat. The OP very much gave the impression it was

when actually she is paying for her aunt and mother and no one else is contributing ie it is the Op’s present to her mother

It is nothing to do with male sex wanting to attend female informal social meet ups or vice versa whether that is a hen/stag do, girls/lads night out or whatever. It is about the people attending not wanting them there in the context, even if that context is just a good old female chin wag, it is absolutely reasonable.

Feel free not to attend if you can't stand them 🙄

@PrawnLiberationFront Only that's not true is it? Maybe have a look on google..might take you a few seconds to find your'e wrong!

When did the concept of gender begin?

The ancient world had no basis of understanding gender as it has been understood in the humanities and social sciences for the past few decades. The term gender had been associated with grammar for most of history and only started to move towards it being a malleable cultural construct in the 1950s and 1960s.
------
Women fought long and hard and suffered for the rights we have now. PROTECTING OUR SEX IS THE BEST GIFT WE CAN GIVE TO OUR DAUGHTERS!

Sorry I meant that it is a treat for both her mum and her aunt from the OP.

MN is weird about some things, including it would seem the title of your post, if you'd called this "AIBU unreasonable to want my DM to have a workfree, lazy holiday" I think the answers would have been a bit different Op.

Your suffering here from something I noticed with my own DB, my DM spoilt him so he didn't do anything much himself but was happy for her to do everything but didn't return the favour, special birthdays he didn't put in much effort, so used to being looked after he didn't appreciate all she'd done. When DM couldn't do something he looked to me to fill in, could have asked my retired DF but didn't. It's the sister version of wifework, you've booked and paid for a trip so now he wants in even though it will probably spoil your DM's birthday.

Stick to your guns Op, he could have made an effort but he couldn't be arsed. He lives with your DM, why shouldn't you have some time with her without him?

And everyone knows what sex means in any context.

This is not "anti-trans".

This is pro-women.

This trip is OP 's big birthday gift to her aunt and her mother.

It's not a family celebration, it's a gift. Her brother is not having a big birthday. So why should she have invited him? He's not giving the gift.

What it is is a thread jack that has nothing to do with the OP 's situation.

I wouldn't have been overly-critical if you hadn't been overly-snarky.

God knows, I make enough typos for an army. However you told me to "read your posts". So I read your post. And had you typed originally what you typed in your snarky comment, then I would have apologised.

What you could have said is "Whoops! Missed a comma!", and then I would have said No bother" and neither of us would have been "overly" anything.

Chatting about marriage/menstruation/birth /babies/menopause etc is important for helping us feel less isolated. Some of these conversations we wouldn't have with men in the vicinity.

And the same women will then turn around and complain that the men in their life are ignorant and awkward about all of the above. That's what I mean about it being self-perpetuating - the very idea that you can't talk about "women's things" in front of men reinforces the reality of that.

That's another reason it's not wrong to talk about gender rather than sex here, this is very very much about gender roles - OP's aunty's problem is not that some members of her family have a penis, it's the highly gendered expectation that women must be carers for men and therefore can only properly relax if there are no men around.

the word has been in use since the 13th century.

For nouns.

The word "sex" has been in use for a lot longer than that, and it is the conflation with "gender" which is confusing a lot of people.

There is however, no confusion here. OP , mum and auntie are of the female sex, and don't want anyone of the male sex putting a damper on their weekend.