To not be thrilled about these tattoos?

[MrsHoney123]

Just wondered how others would feel if their DH of nearly 30 years whom they’d raised three kids with decided in his late 50s to get both his upper arms completely tattooed? Pictures are a skull, a load of roses and a snake.

Tattoos are not trivial to me. I find them awful and, as I said before, they do actually make me feel sick.

Looking classy is not what I aspire to in life, so that's fine with me! That's all a load of superficial crap.

It’s always interesting to discover why people want tattoos and if/why the particular design was chosen for a reason. So it could be useful to start from a point of openness and curiosity. I’d also be quite chuffed a partner of 30 years is still able to surprise me (but I’m guessing that very much depends on whether it’s filed under a good/bad surprise).

Who are 'these people'?

It's fine not to like tattoos, but frankly when people say they make them shudder/ feel sick etc it just sounds a bit OTT. Why be so invested with other peoples' choices? What does another person's tattoo have to do with you?

To answer the actual question, I would be surprised if my OH just rocked up with a new tattoo without even mentioning it to me first, but it would only bother me if the image was of something offensive. Looks don't matter.

I have tattoos and my Husband has tattoos and I like them, so I wouldn't have a problem. I would feel a bit odd though if he just came home with them and never told me - especially as decent ones cost a lot of money. But if he'd told me he was getting them, they were carefully considered and he looked after them during the healing process properly, I would be fine.

People who get tattoos later in life are less likely to regret them. I also hate the constant suggestion that if you do anything new or unusual after 40+ it's a "midlife crisis" like you're no longer allowed to have new interests or ideas when you've still got half your life left. Pure ageism imho.

The people who say tattoos make you feel sick - how do you cope going out in public as many people have them?

What a bizarre reaction.

And how terribly difficult for you, especially in summer, when they are so common nowadays. You must be constantly retching as you're walking around.

I think my body my choice is such a load of bullpoo. When you're in a long term relationship with someone, of COURSE you must consider your life partner/spouse before doing something irreversible to your body, and listen to their opinion and take it into account! My DH has often said a woman with tattoos is a dealbreaker. He would never entertain dating a woman with tattoos. If I had one he said he would find it hard to look at me, and would not want to be seen with me in public.

We are all entitled to dealbreakers. I am indifferent to tattoos, and if DH wanted one or more I wouldn't really care. But I have my own dealbreakers - eg, I could not be with a man who hasn't got a job. I could never be with a man who CBA to work. (Not talking about someone UNABLE to work btw! Because of disability or illness, I mean bone idle/CBA to work...)

DH has talked now and again about ditching his job and claiming benefits when he has a bad week, or gets bored with it and CBA. THAT would be a dealbreaker for me. I would not tolerate a man who simply cannot be fucked to work ... I do pretty much everything in the house and all the home admin and cooking and shopping and washing (and did all the childcare when the kids were young/at home.) AND I have held down a part time job alongside all this. All I ask of him is that he has a job. I know a few women with men who CBA to work, and are on long term dole. Shockingly, these men never lift a finger in the house! Yeah, fuck that.

Each to their own, but people are allowed to not tolerate something in their partner, and if you are going to put a permanent mark on your body for all to see, then of COURSE your life partner should have a say in it. Someone must have a pretty shitty relationship if they change their appearance - especially with something permanent - and do not give a shit about what their life partner thinks, because #MY BODY MY CHOICE...

It's horses for courses. I would consider a shitty relationship one where appearance is a dealbreaker.
Discussion is one thing, a veto is something else.

Its entirely your prerogative as to how you want to appear, I have no issue with what anyone else does. I know people who have them always claim how deep and meaningful they are but judging by the amount of "only god can judge me" type tattoos I see on people I think most just go for whatever happens to be in at the time which seems pretty shallow and superficial to me, more about projecting a certain sort of identity and pretty conformist rather than bucking societal norms.

As far as late life midlife crisis go, I would say tattoos are a good one.

Better than him finding a younger woman or blowing all your savings on a boat.

Also it's his body. I don't feel like you can say much about it just like if you would dye your hair purple or gain weight it would be shitty of him to call that a deal-breaker after decades of marriage.

Honestly, if I had a partner who'd leave me over something as trivial as getting a tattoo, I'd wonder what other trivial things would make them leave me too. I'd also be suspicious about whether they'd leave me if I got into an accident or had an illness that changed my physical appearance. I'd also wonder about the future as my body changes with age.

I'm not trying to buck societal norms or appear deep and meaningful. I like the way they look, it's as simple as that! I just find it odd that people have such an issue with them.

Cheaper, safer and less obnoxious than a motorbike or an affair..

My mum got her first tattoo for her 60th birthday and has had two more since then. Dad doesn't like tattoos but wouldn't stop her as he loves her and can see they make her happy. I don't see how tattoos can be a deal breaker for anyone unless they're maybe on someone's face or neck or have offensive imagery.

Excited to see the results ? 🤔

I had exactly this with my DH. I dont think he realised how much i dont like them, I dont think he'd have anymore now. But I didn't feel I had any right to tell him what to do, so there was a bit of huffing on both sides 😊

^^ this

It wouldn't bother me, it's his body.

How did he pay for them? Since ' you actually paid for them '

I’d be happy he’d finally found space in his life for self expression. I’m 40s and have just had my first upper arm tattoo (I’ve had one elsewhere for years)…does that make me weird/laughable too?

Lol a man would get flamed for this.

How I see this is imagine you went and had some kind of surgery to align more with how you wanted to look, breast aug, face lift, nose job. It wouldn’t be his choice, it would be your choice.

Then imagine you did so and found out he had posted on a forum saying “wife got a boob job am I right to be not thrilled?” And loads of guys were saying “ew that would give me the ick - fake boobs are disgusting!” And saying you should’ve thought about how HE felt?!? Just think about how that would make you feel.

His body, his choice.

Ultimately, it's his body, his choice, but to use your words, I wouldn't be thrilled if my husband did that.