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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asking husband and BIL to contribute?

125 replies

Ajp898 · 09/01/2024 20:54

My Husband and his brother went out for Drinks over the Weekend with a few College friends who they hadn't seen for some time.

My BILs partner of 2 years arranged to pick them up and drop husband off then take themselves home as I dropped them off to our local town. Didn't ask what time he would be back, but left a key to let self in as to not wake the kids or me. We are pretty heavy sleepers and sleep on the top floor of a townhouse.

I woke up Sunday morning to find BIL asleep on the sofa in our livingroom - absolutely fine. Bit odd as his partner arranged to collect from town but whatever.

I went up to the Spare room (which is also my part-time business base and my little bit of the house I call my own - kids have own rooms, husband has the garage and a man cave shed. The spare room is decorated how I like ect), to find the guest bed had been slept in.

Again, not really a issue, but it did have the nice new bedding I'd brought on it, which was quite expensive as I'd used some birthday and Christmas money to buy it. which I hadn't even slept in or used yet. I'd put it on the bed as had visions of husband coming in drunk, snoring and so id retreat to the spare room. Husband crawled into bed with me that night, and I must have been shattered as I didn't actually hear him snore.

Anyway, I was a bit annoyed as if I knew I wouldn't have put the new bedding on as such. Went to strip the bed, to find the duvet, bottom sheet AND mattress were soaked in urine. BIL had obviously had an accident due to drinking too much being so blinding drunk. One thing on the list which peeved me off. I woke husband to get him up to sort it, as I wasn't doing it. Went to grab my laptop off the desk to go work in the diningroom, to find a glass of water had been spilt on the keyboard too, and it has water damage to it!

I've lost it and said BIL and Husband need to get the laptop repaired or get me a replacement. Husbands said accidents happen, and that my laptop shouldn't have been left out ON MY DESK - you know, where I work from? Not only that, I can't shift the stench of stale urine from the mattress and mind over matter - the new bedding still longs too although I think it's psychological.

Turns out reason he came back here for the night is because his partner gave him a curfew of 1am, waited outside the pub for them, to find they had travelled to the next town around 11pm and not told her. She sat waiting for 45minutes to bring them both home at the agreed location. Finally got hold of them, found out they weren't where they were and basicly told them (rightly) to sort own way home! They got a cab back which my husband footed and cost almost £90!

Am I in the wrong for asking them to pay and sort my laptop? It's used for work and I need it. Luckily can work from my phone for most of it, but my designs are saved on there and software only works via a pc/laptop. Also said they need to get my mattresses professionally cleaned. And also loosing my nerve at them both? Accidents do happen, but the fact they were both drunk beyond recognition and this happened combined has topped it!

OP posts:
RhodaDendron · 09/01/2024 21:00

Completely reasonable - I thought this was going to be about your lovely bedding, which might be a grey area, but electronics are not a grey area! Your BIL owes you lots of cash and your DH owes you an apology.

BalletBob · 09/01/2024 21:10

They are disgusting. So disrespectful. BIL should be so ashamed and arranging the replacement laptop and mattress cleaning without having to be asked.

Definitely don't let them fob you off on this one.

PieAndLattes · 09/01/2024 21:15

YANBU. They need to sort it out pronto and apologise. The fact that they haven’t, and are even arguing with you about it, says a lot about who they are. And what they are is a bunch of disrespectful twats.

paulhollywoodshairgel · 09/01/2024 21:20

If I had pissed the bed and broken something at someone else's house I would be falling over myself to replace everything! Completely disgusting and disrespectful. YANBU

Tangelablue · 09/01/2024 21:20

Yes they should cover the cost to repair or replace the laptop. I would put a lock on the guest room/office if I was you but I can be a bit dramatic. At least your property will be safe. DH has his man cave and garage for his guests to sleep in.

gamerchick · 09/01/2024 21:23

Yes everything needs replaced, a lock put on the door and a fucking apology. I'd be letting his wife know everything as well and no way I'd be letting it drop.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/01/2024 21:23

What a pair these are. Sorry for you and your sister in law! What a cheek they're not more apologetic after being incredibly immature and rude to both of you

blackpanth · 09/01/2024 21:30

YANBU

minou123 · 09/01/2024 21:33

You are damn not being unreasonable.

What pisses (sorry for the pun) the most, is you had to ask your DH and BIL to sort this.
They both should have immediately cleaned everything and stated they would replace all the broken and damaged things.

The fact you had to ask them and your DH is arguing about it, makes them both rude, immature, dicks.

Plus, this wasn't an accident. He pissed the bed because he had too much to drink. Presumably your BIL is not a silly teenager and is a grown man who should know his limits.

He made the decision drink himself into such a state, he couldn't control his bodily function or get himself to the toilet.
That's not an accident.

One last thing, absolutely demand replacement bedding.

Psychological or not, you will always know that bedding as the pissy-bedding.

Honestly, I'm so cross for you. I dont normally get so invested in threads, but this has really wound me up.

Ajp898 · 09/01/2024 21:37

Thanks all, I knew I wasn't being overly dramatic.

Husband never is this bad as such. He did apologise Sunday after his hangover had partially worn off, which Is where I mentioned about getting it fixed and him paying for it.

SIL is fuming too, she was really apologetic as well. Was no offer to help fix/replace said laptop, and she knows I use it and need it for work. I know money's tight with them at the moment - it's tight for us all tbh.

I think that's why Husband hasn't pushed to ask for financial contributions towards it, as he knows they aren't as "secure" financially as us. I say this and it sounds like we have loads of spare £ around - we aren't and we don't. We are just lucky in ways that we own our home (but only due to unfortunate bereavement in families on both sides) where as they are renting, and their rent is extortionate to be honest.

OP posts:
adriftinadenofvipers · 09/01/2024 21:40

Well maybe then he shouldn't have been out literally pissing all he has up the wall. Zero sympathy!

itsmylife7 · 09/01/2024 21:46

What did your bil actually say about pissing your bed ?

I'd want a new mattress without a doubt. I'd not care about their money issues.

maddening · 09/01/2024 21:50

It's not an accident it was drunk negligence - yanbu

Noseybookworm · 09/01/2024 21:51

I'd be absolutely furious and I'd definitely expect BIL to pay for a new mattress, bedding and to fix/replace laptop. If he doesn't I don't think I'd want to have anything to do with him and definitely not have him stay in my house!

ZenNudist · 09/01/2024 21:52

New mattress and laptop at a minimum. Bedding can be washed. They can sell something to pay for the laptop. He has money for nights out. Can't be that hard up.

OhcantthInkofaname · 09/01/2024 21:54

Not an accident! They need to cover the damages.

User1775 · 09/01/2024 21:56

he pissed the bed and YOU are the problem. Fucking hell, the pair of them are delusional

Dweetfidilove · 09/01/2024 21:56

Imagine being so drunk, you piss someone else’s bed 🤢.

You are owed a new mattress and a new laptop.

mottytotty · 09/01/2024 21:59

Money’s tight but BIL has enough money to get so drunk he pisses himself.

Make sure you get ALL the money. If not go no contact.

caringcarer · 09/01/2024 22:00

They need to replace the mattress and get the laptop repaired or if it can't be repaired to get your designs taken off it and a replacement bought for you of the same specification.

Ponderingwindow · 09/01/2024 22:03

Getting that drunk is not normal or an accident. They aren’t teenagers who don’t know what they are doing. I would expect all of my damaged property replaced immediately.

I would also be considering banning both of them from ever stepping foot in my home again, but that is a larger issue.

MaraScottie · 09/01/2024 22:03

I'd imagine your house insurance would cover the damage to your laptop? Not excusing that shocking behaviour but it could be a last resort for you.

Viviennemary · 09/01/2024 22:03

They caused the damage. Mattress and computer need to be replaced.Perhaps the computer could be repaired.

wombats78 · 09/01/2024 22:07

Sounds like the night out cost a fortune.

Your DH needs to step up a lot & deal with bil.

jelly79 · 09/01/2024 22:08

199% they should pay for mattress, bedding and laptop! Why should you be worse off for their night out! Accidents do happen but they are responsible!

You can't drive in to someone's fence by accident and not pay for it be repaired!

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