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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asking husband and BIL to contribute?

125 replies

Ajp898 · 09/01/2024 20:54

My Husband and his brother went out for Drinks over the Weekend with a few College friends who they hadn't seen for some time.

My BILs partner of 2 years arranged to pick them up and drop husband off then take themselves home as I dropped them off to our local town. Didn't ask what time he would be back, but left a key to let self in as to not wake the kids or me. We are pretty heavy sleepers and sleep on the top floor of a townhouse.

I woke up Sunday morning to find BIL asleep on the sofa in our livingroom - absolutely fine. Bit odd as his partner arranged to collect from town but whatever.

I went up to the Spare room (which is also my part-time business base and my little bit of the house I call my own - kids have own rooms, husband has the garage and a man cave shed. The spare room is decorated how I like ect), to find the guest bed had been slept in.

Again, not really a issue, but it did have the nice new bedding I'd brought on it, which was quite expensive as I'd used some birthday and Christmas money to buy it. which I hadn't even slept in or used yet. I'd put it on the bed as had visions of husband coming in drunk, snoring and so id retreat to the spare room. Husband crawled into bed with me that night, and I must have been shattered as I didn't actually hear him snore.

Anyway, I was a bit annoyed as if I knew I wouldn't have put the new bedding on as such. Went to strip the bed, to find the duvet, bottom sheet AND mattress were soaked in urine. BIL had obviously had an accident due to drinking too much being so blinding drunk. One thing on the list which peeved me off. I woke husband to get him up to sort it, as I wasn't doing it. Went to grab my laptop off the desk to go work in the diningroom, to find a glass of water had been spilt on the keyboard too, and it has water damage to it!

I've lost it and said BIL and Husband need to get the laptop repaired or get me a replacement. Husbands said accidents happen, and that my laptop shouldn't have been left out ON MY DESK - you know, where I work from? Not only that, I can't shift the stench of stale urine from the mattress and mind over matter - the new bedding still longs too although I think it's psychological.

Turns out reason he came back here for the night is because his partner gave him a curfew of 1am, waited outside the pub for them, to find they had travelled to the next town around 11pm and not told her. She sat waiting for 45minutes to bring them both home at the agreed location. Finally got hold of them, found out they weren't where they were and basicly told them (rightly) to sort own way home! They got a cab back which my husband footed and cost almost £90!

Am I in the wrong for asking them to pay and sort my laptop? It's used for work and I need it. Luckily can work from my phone for most of it, but my designs are saved on there and software only works via a pc/laptop. Also said they need to get my mattresses professionally cleaned. And also loosing my nerve at them both? Accidents do happen, but the fact they were both drunk beyond recognition and this happened combined has topped it!

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 09/01/2024 22:09

Vile. New mattress, and repair of laptop if possible, if not, replaced. I wouldn't care which one paid for it. If they've got the money to go out and drunk to the point of incontinence they've got the money to pay for the damage they caused. I would be livid.

TicTac80 · 09/01/2024 22:10

YANBU! I’d be furious too. My teenager and his friends don’t behave like that

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/01/2024 22:14

That's disgusting. I wouldn't sleep in a bed that somebody had peed in.

DuchessPotato · 09/01/2024 22:17

So gross! I’d have to throw the bedding and mattress out.

everyscarwillbuildmythrone · 09/01/2024 22:17

They are not so financially unstable that he can't afford a night out with clearly lots of drinking, absolutely should pay.

kisstheblarney · 09/01/2024 22:21

I cannot begin to tell you how fucking angry I would be!!

Marmalady75 · 09/01/2024 22:21

I would show your husband this thread if I was you. It overwhelmingly shows that people find their behaviour awful and the attitude afterwards downright disgusting and disrespectful!

TTCMama88 · 09/01/2024 22:22

Wow. I don't think I could be around BIL again, ever. Absolutely insist they pay for the keyboard and mattres. What a disgusting piece of shit lost he is.

What did BIL dare to say in his defence?

kisstheblarney · 09/01/2024 22:22

kisstheblarney · 09/01/2024 22:21

I cannot begin to tell you how fucking angry I would be!!

And yes replace everything including the mattress! Filthy bastard!

Dacadactyl · 09/01/2024 22:23

Am I the only one wondering whether it was actually your DH who pissed the bed and then crept in to be with you?

It just does not in any way make sense that your BIL and SIL wouldn't offer to pay otherwise! I mean that's just not normal behaviour (however hard up they are)

I suspect your DH is the culprit and is too mortified to admit it because otherwise this just doesn't make sense to me!

ChaToilLeam · 09/01/2024 22:25

Dirty bastard! Yes, they need to repair and replace the things that were damaged. You’re not hard up if you can afford to get so drunk you pish the bed.

fruitbrewhaha · 09/01/2024 22:29

He had enough cash to drink himself senseless. He can replace the laptop and the mattress.

XenaTheWarriorPrincess · 09/01/2024 22:30

Who the fuck gets so pissed they piss the bed?

I can't even imagine being that drunk, and I'm a bit of a lush (well, I was before I got pregnant).

It's ridiculous. And yes, you need a new laptop and a new mattress. I wouldn't care where it came from as longnasnit appeared. Your dh can sort if bil can't afford it then bil can pay dh back in installments if he was the culprit.

Either bil can't physically afford to replace the items or he isn't the culprit, those are the only reasons I can think of that he hasn't offered.

TempleOfBloom · 09/01/2024 22:35

Yuk.

Yes accidents do happen, and if you accidentally trash someone’s stuff you replace it.

I don’t see how piss can be got out of where it has soaked into a mattress.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/01/2024 22:37

I would be FUCKING RAGING. Getting so drunk you piss a bed is completely unacceptable. I would demand a new computer, a new mattress, (yours is ruined), and having the bedding professionally cleaned.

I would be disgusted with both of them.

5foot5 · 09/01/2024 22:38

1000% he needs to replace laptop AND mattress.

I can't believe you even have to ask let alone argue about it.

I cannot imagine how embarrassed I would be if I had done this much damage at someone else's house.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 09/01/2024 22:39

What sort of adult gets so drunk they piss themselves? FFS, they both need to grow up, and your husband needs to sort the laptop if your BIL wont or cant.

Fullofxmascbeer · 09/01/2024 22:43

Yup. It’s not your cost to bear.

Angelsrose · 09/01/2024 22:47

They need to pay for the mattress, bedding and the laptop, the absolute disrespect for your possessions is absolutely unreal. Don't waver.

Ajp898 · 09/01/2024 22:49

He said he didn't realise at the time, but he obviously did as he ended up on the sofa! He was still passed out asleep at 9am once we were all up and sorting breakfast. He has apologised, made a joke of it in a way, but knew I wasn't happy. I was rather cold to him until he went home. Both him and my husband attempted in their still partially drunk phase to clean the mattress which I think made it worse. I'd stripped the bed already otherwise I'd have made him do it!

OP posts:
allhailthebrain · 09/01/2024 22:57

I would go mental. We had an issue with our son over the holidays - but he IS the silly teenager, and didn't break anything (or soak a mattress) beyond repair. Was just stupid. And he got consequences and clear boundaries going forward. If he'd wrecked something he would have been paying!

This? Nope. Grown adults should know better - and if they mess up, they should fix it! I'm astounded by the part where it was your fault for your laptop being... on your desk! Where the hell else does he think it should have been?!

I don't know how your family finances work, but if he doesn't pay for it to be fixed, I'd reduce your contribution to other things by the corresponding amount.

And next time - they're sleeping at BIL's place 😉

Poshjock · 09/01/2024 23:01

I’d be wanting the sofa cleaned too after he dragged his pissy body onto it and I presume he wasn’t lying on it naked 🤮or was able to change out of pissy clothes.

I would also be raging about the taxi fare. The arrogance of arranging a lift and not sticking to it, leaving someone sitting waiting for them then incurring a extortionate taxi fare.

I think I’d be moving into the office for a wee while.

Ajp898 · 09/01/2024 23:01

Husband would tell me, or actually take the blame for some things as myself and BIL have had frosty issues previously, mostly related to his previous relationship - but my husband doesn't sleep in there as he finds the mattress uncomfortable. He didn't appear too hungover the next day. I mean, he was, but both nothing compared to BIL. Pretty sure he was still drunk.

OP posts:
Ajp898 · 09/01/2024 23:07

Ha! He'd stripped at that point as pissy clothes were in a dirty washing hamper in the downstairs loo. Actually have zero idea If he was starkers under the blankets or if he was wearing something of Husbands to sleep in. When he attempted to clean mattress he was wearing one of his tracksuits, so guessing my Husband told him to get dressed or else. I'd have kicked him out starkers if that was the case and I'd have known at the time of coming down in the morning!! Sofa has covers on it, I'd already whipped them off and washed when he left!

OP posts:
CatOnTheLap · 09/01/2024 23:36

DuchessPotato · 09/01/2024 22:17

So gross! I’d have to throw the bedding and mattress out.

I’d dump it on BIL’s doorstep. Actually no, I wouldn’t, as I wouldn’t want it in my car.