Asking husband and BIL to contribute?

[Ajp898]

My Husband and his brother went out for Drinks over the Weekend with a few College friends who they hadn't seen for some time.

My BILs partner of 2 years arranged to pick them up and drop husband off then take themselves home as I dropped them off to our local town. Didn't ask what time he would be back, but left a key to let self in as to not wake the kids or me. We are pretty heavy sleepers and sleep on the top floor of a townhouse.

I woke up Sunday morning to find BIL asleep on the sofa in our livingroom - absolutely fine. Bit odd as his partner arranged to collect from town but whatever.

I went up to the Spare room (which is also my part-time business base and my little bit of the house I call my own - kids have own rooms, husband has the garage and a man cave shed. The spare room is decorated how I like ect), to find the guest bed had been slept in.

Again, not really a issue, but it did have the nice new bedding I'd brought on it, which was quite expensive as I'd used some birthday and Christmas money to buy it. which I hadn't even slept in or used yet. I'd put it on the bed as had visions of husband coming in drunk, snoring and so id retreat to the spare room. Husband crawled into bed with me that night, and I must have been shattered as I didn't actually hear him snore.

Anyway, I was a bit annoyed as if I knew I wouldn't have put the new bedding on as such. Went to strip the bed, to find the duvet, bottom sheet AND mattress were soaked in urine. BIL had obviously had an accident due to drinking too much being so blinding drunk. One thing on the list which peeved me off. I woke husband to get him up to sort it, as I wasn't doing it. Went to grab my laptop off the desk to go work in the diningroom, to find a glass of water had been spilt on the keyboard too, and it has water damage to it!

I've lost it and said BIL and Husband need to get the laptop repaired or get me a replacement. Husbands said accidents happen, and that my laptop shouldn't have been left out ON MY DESK - you know, where I work from? Not only that, I can't shift the stench of stale urine from the mattress and mind over matter - the new bedding still longs too although I think it's psychological.

Turns out reason he came back here for the night is because his partner gave him a curfew of 1am, waited outside the pub for them, to find they had travelled to the next town around 11pm and not told her. She sat waiting for 45minutes to bring them both home at the agreed location. Finally got hold of them, found out they weren't where they were and basicly told them (rightly) to sort own way home! They got a cab back which my husband footed and cost almost £90!

Am I in the wrong for asking them to pay and sort my laptop? It's used for work and I need it. Luckily can work from my phone for most of it, but my designs are saved on there and software only works via a pc/laptop. Also said they need to get my mattresses professionally cleaned. And also loosing my nerve at them both? Accidents do happen, but the fact they were both drunk beyond recognition and this happened combined has topped it!

You nearly lost me when you went into detail about your bedding and how you paid for it...
However what's happened is totally out of order and you've every right to be compensated and apologised to.

Gross… He’s be given the bill. I hope he washed and dried his own clothes and all the laundry too. Vile.

This.
He broke your computer that you use for work!! There's no question that he'd have to pay.
If he can afford to go out and get drunk to that extent he can afford to pay for your lap top.
Invoice him and agree a payment plan with direct debit but don't let him off.

A relative did this to me. We saved for ages to buy our son a brand new bed and lovely new mattress. He'd even slept on a blow up mattress for weeks whilst we waited for delivery.
The person peed on it, covered it up and I didn't find out until much later when I went to change the sheets, and it was too late. SIL said sorry but offered nothing and DH refused to ask her. I had to pay to replace the mattress and it really annoyed me as they are much better off than us and didn't bother to even tell us there might be a problem. I could have put protective sheeting on if I'd known.

But this is work and your BIL is an adult. He should pay you are not an airbnb

@Ajp898

He'd stripped at that point as pissy clothes were in a dirty washing hamper

So are you saying BiL put his pissy clothes in the hamper for YOU to wash? OMG!!!

He and DH should absolutely pay for your laptop. If BiL is in 'tight finances' then he shouldn't be getting so shitfaced that he pisses someone's bed. If he has to go without to pay for the laptop, that's just justice.

As far as the mattress goes, can you really 'deep clean' a mattress? It would seem to me that piss (or any liquid) would sink so deep into the padding that it couldn't be gotten all out. That's why we put waterproof covers on our kids' mattresses when they get out of nappies, right? Let them go ahead an 'try' to get it deep cleaned. But I'd let them know that if I wasn't satisfied with the result I'd be expecting them to replace the mattress like for like.

I have zero tolerance for that level of drunkenness. I have been absolutely catatonic with drink in my younger days and so has DH. But neither of us has EVER pissed (or vomited) on a bed, furniture, in a car, or on the floor. That's disgusting.

Fair for them to pay

"He should pay. you are not an Airbnb"

To clarify I meant that he had free accommodation from you too, and invited himself really. You are not a business which is set up and insured for such accidents and I think would charge him for that (not that it would be fair to pee on Airbnb mattress either)

Oh hell no - BIL needs to pay for what he has wrecked, new mattress and laptop at the very least.

I don't care if he is short on funds, he clearly isn't THAT short if he can spaff his money away getting that drunk, and on taxis and pissing about going to different venues to continue getting smashed.

They must have spent £300 on their booze-up and taxi, so they're not skint.

I would be incandescent 🤬
I also wouldn't accept a 'professional clean' as it would still be the mattress that a grown man pissed all his night time fill of alcohol into. No wonder it stinks 🤢
New everything. ASAP.

What utterly vile excuses for human beings.

I would be absolutely raging and demanding a brand new laptop, mattress (including removal of old one) and bedding. Nothing second hand or refurbished. BIL's financial issues are irrelevant. Anyone who can afford booze can afford to replace things they've destroyed.

In the meantime "D"H can sleep on said ruined mattress. It might spur him on to get his scummy brother to organise the replacement quick smart.

This WOULD be my hill to die on, even if family relations are damaged - which would 100% be BIL and "D"H' fault.

They should pay
Try house insurance
And in any case you need to get full accident and loss protection for your laptop claim as work expense

Thanks all. I actually showed my Husband all your answers last night, and he was mortified. He's apologised over and over again, when I've said it's not really him who needs/needed to. BIL apologised the following day in a hungover state but I don't think he realised the severity as such of it all. It's now Wednesday early PM. I've been at work since 5, but stopped home between patients as a I've a hour to wait and next client is closer to home than the hub base. Mattress is out the front of the house, leaned against the side gate. Husband has said that he ordered a new mattress Monday morning and it's arriving this afternoon. I've thanked in a way, but also then said WE shouldn't have to have ordered a new mattress at all. Was no mention of the laptop. SIL aparantly is "sorting it" according to Husband. No idea whats ment by that, but I'll keep posted.

Yes, BIL needs to pay for it all. I mean, it's not your dh's fault that his brother wet the bed and drunkenly spilled a drink on your laptop. I think most people can assume that house guests, even ones who have been drinking, can handle themselves responsibly. I've had many a drunken friend of dh's sleep in our spare room and never had any damage. It's BIL's fault and he should pay for it, yes.

Why are husband and SIL doing the sorting out? BIL sounds like a right arse, and not surprised if his wife and his brother jump in to sort out his mess! I'd be fuming 😤

He needs to replace the mattress AND the mattress and contribute to a cleaner, even if you have already cleaned, you can ask them to do another part of the house. Bastard.

Your husband is responsible. He brought his drunken brother with his bed wetting issue into your home. Such an invasion. I would be reading them both the riot act. But then I have zero tolerance for drunks and slovenly behaviour. Grim.

If they are that broke the BIL has no right to be going out getting so drunk that he pissed the bed and destroyed your laptop.

Your DH and BIL BOTH need to pay or the BIL will just think what he did was fine as there were no consequences for his actions.

Honestly, until my BIL and DH replaced everything, I would tell DH he can go sleep in his man cave.

I would also put a lock on the guest room door and only you have a key for it.

I am sorry that you are dealing with two children who won't fix their mistake.
BIL can take the money he owes you out of his drinking fund. Ditto your DH.

I am angry (livid) and grossed out for you.

Your DH and SIL "sorting things out" will not make the BIL pay any kind of price for his actions. So far, your family is the one paying for the new mattress. They need to make sure you get new bedding and laptop too. What happened to BIL's pissed on clothing?

I would ban BIL from house until he pays for it all. Not half, all. And until then, every time I saw BIL, especially in public, I would ask him "when do you plan to pay for the mattress and bedding you pissed all over and my work laptop that you destroyed?". Is the BIL always this much of a fuck-up? He is disgustingly gross and is acting like an irresponsible idjit.

Your DH also paid for the taxi. I think your BIL is playing your DH for a mug. That would also annoy the heck out of me. 😬😵🙄

Bil needs to pay for all of it. It’s disgusting. Regardless if they have the money they shouldn’t be staying at yours if they can’t behave appropriately

OP just to say that keyboards often recover once dried out. So it may be worth checking the laptop assuming you've placed it in rice or something to dry. If not place upside down on a tray of rice.
Depends on the laptop type of course but just a thought.
As for the rest YANBU! Pissing in the ned not on!

If DH has paid for the mattress, BIL should at the very least cover a replacement laptop and new bedding (you could give him the ‘old’ set in return if you don’t want the tainted bedding any more).

I left my DH over something similar in my late 20s. I just felt so disrespected and degraded that I saw red and threw him out. This post has brought back that icy rage I felt on that day walking into my home office and seeing it trashed. Good on you for standing your ground OP.

BIL needs to pay for a new mattress and laptop at the very least.

His partner sounds like she doesn't take any on sense from him so why should you?

What a disgusting ma to go back to your home and piss in the bed and spill water on the laptop and think he can get away with it.

@Ajp898

I don't have a problem with DH ordering a mattress per se since I'm sure he knows what you'd want, but has he said just who is going to be paying for this mattress? Because I'd be mighty pissed off if (assuming joint finances) more than half was coming out of 'our' account. If joint finances DH should bear the brunt of the expense by denying himself any treats or extras so the family doesn't take a hit.

Sounds to me as if BiL is a spoilt brat, used to having other people cleaning up his messes.

So update....

Husband paid for the mattress initially, BIL has paid outright and given him the cash back - he didn't have it at the time so husband ordered replacement, as knew what I wanted firm wise and got it from same place we got my old one from.

As for laptop BIL and SIL have offered £250 for now to put towards a replacement (like for like is around the £900 mark as I use it for graphic design) the and any more next month. I've actually now put a claim through insurance to get a replacement - I'd been paying for cover and never claimed, thought it finished after 2 years but it runs for 3, so lucky there I guess.

The £200 they've offered, do I take it? Even though I've a new one coming through my insurance claim? I feel a bit scammy doing so as it won't be going towards a new one as such.