To think there are a lot of nasty people on Mumsnet?

[Poile]

Just that.

Have seen so many directly aggressive and passively aggressive comments on here that it makes me think that many mumsnetters are just plain nasty. Assuming to due to unhappiness with own life.

Some examples stick out - when people ask to guess their age some of the guesses are just rude and over the top inaccurate. One poster even questioned a person’s gender even stating they had thick eyebrows which were not groomed due to depression. The disingenuous of “please don’t think I’m being rude but …”.

Also saw someone ask for help with their curtains and the amount of snide remarks was shocking.

I also think a lot of people in here think their way is best and the only way. Insufferable.

To me the people who will kick a person when they are down just seems disproportionately high. Obviously the fact it’s an anonymous forum adds to this.

@MaryDroppings if you reported them to MN and they didn’t delete then they must not have broken any guidelines

your thread did as it was a Tat

Make sure you're using the right 'average'!

You could always stay on Reddit and not bother with here, if it's that bad on here.

I never post on the guess my age ones because they are tedious beyond belief. It’s not so much age it’s looks people want a comment on and honestly most people lie in a nice way on those with your gorgeous when they obviously are anything but gorgeous. If you think MN is bad then go and look at other forums this is actually overall very mild.

I'm having a right laugh to myself here.. mumsnet worse than Reddit 😂 some of the forums on there are batshit
But it's the internet.. in my experience it's nothing to do with if it's Mumsnet or Reddit.. people can be arseholes nothing new there

The guess my age people are annoying. They need attention.

You don't think 'perverts' and MRAs can be spiteful?

Have you seen men respond to an online rejection? "You're a fucking ugly bitch anyway" etc etc but angrier.

because you need to report them.

it really really is that simple - report the comments. If MN let them stand, you probably need to step away from the thread/topic/site because it clearly isn't suitable for you.

I've realised this more and more over the past few months.
Unhappiness breeds more unhappiness I guess.

I am a pedant but would never ever point out mistakes online. There is no way of doing it without looking like a petty idiot. And when people relentlessly mention it to a vulnerable OP who is struggling in a challenging situation, it is downright unpleasant.

There’s simpering and ‘being kind’, and there’s being gentle with others and not deliberately being an arsehole.
its a middle ground.

I don't generally point out spelling and grammar errors... I make enough of them myself, even without autocorrect doing it for me. I'd do it only when it actually matters, for example when someone is trying to put someone else down for making mistakes and their own post is riddled with errors.

It depends.

Sometimes people need a dose of reality.

Sometimes people are posting for inflated ego reasons.

Some replies are downright nasty though.

If you're on here for people to tell you they agree with you and you're so lovely and the best person ever and everyone in your life is a mean bully, it's probably not the place for you. Because there are always two sides.

Not sure how to vote on this as I have had both experiences. There are a lot of people on here whose sole aim is to be nasty to others, I believe. And others who have an aspect of their life which matches what is being written about - ie, an estranged child and the OP is posting about their child cutting them off. In those cases a lot of people get over the top nasty because anything not aligning with their view is taken as an attack. Or people who exhibit the kind of bad behaviour being posted about, ditto. I posted years ago when a parent died and several of my siblings were estranged from them, and I was not sure what to do about letting them know. Some of the posts were directly attacking when I was recently bereaved and it was truly shocking. But there were also a lot of really lovely people here who have offered good support and a non judgemental listening ear. So no, I dont think everyone is nasty. Which I was grateful for.

Someone threatened to take their own life yesterday on MN and the thread had to be shut. She had a lot of criticism over the fact she couldn't tidy up easily.

We are all vulnerable at times. You never know what someone is going through.

I don't think it's any worse here than it is 'in real life' - except people aren't brave enough to be nasty to people's faces. There are a lot of backstabbers.

Arseholery is sometimes under good regulation. It can be very useful, say, if someone is claiming the mantle of an expert in order to give a ring of authority to erroneous, faulty, or downright unsafe advice. And yes, I've been THAT poster: the one like a dog with a bone who has tenaciously refused to back off in that specific context. They might shout 'bully!', as people often do when they want to close someone down whilst putting themselves automatically in the right. No matter, if that OP is more likely to be safe.

The endless grammar pedants are infuriating, I do agree. They don't make themselves look intelligent, which I'm sure is the desired effect. They just appear as what they are: small-minded, ill-mannered and petty. We are not marking essays here. Edexcel are crying out for examiners: fuck off and get a job with them whydontya.

There are times to be rude, and times to be polite. Yes, some people are afflicted with constant arseholery, in which case they're pretty unimaginative and tedious. But overall I enjoy Mumsnet. It has its (admittedly now rarer) laugh out loud moments, and can be a bastion of common sense, support and kindness to women escaping from abusers, or coming to terms with a history of the same, or struggling with parenting issues. There are a lot of wise posters here whose contributions I enjoy. Others, not so much.

Such is the way of the world.

The reason it happens here is because it's completely anonymous. There's no come back so people can be as shitty as they like. Reddit feels less anonymous and it's more of an open book. Here the demographic is all the same kind of person so you feel even more judged.

when people ask to guess their age

1. What kind of person asks strangers for that kind of ego stroke? Or friends, for that matter? Other people are not supporting characters in the playscript of your life with a sole purpose of making you feel good.
2. If you value yourself by how other people perceive your physical appearance, you are going to be hurt as you get older.
3. If you fish for compliments, expect to hook some insults.

I always worry that the "guess my age" threads aren't genuine and the images are stolen. I don't think anyone shows their face on WAYWT threads.

It's due to being allowed to name change, OP.

As you've clearly demonstrated, people can change from one name to another to post whatever they like as long as it's within talk guidelines.

If this wasn't allowed, many people would think twice about being a dick because then no-one would bother with them.

You've chosen to name change for this thread and if you hadn't, perhaps some people might point out that you've been guilty in the past of doing what you're complaining about now, or perhaps they might not be able to, but we'll never know 🤷‍♂️

The thing is, without the name change function, no-one would post about personal problems.

But like yourself, people use it to change name for other reasons too.

I have no idea why on earth anyone would ever put themselves in such a vulnerable position on a huge anonymous forum? You might as well put a pic of yourself up and caption it, "kick the shit out of me here"!!!

One of the most batshit things I have ever read on here.

I think it's a bit of taking the rough with the smooth , mumsnet can be amazing for support and advice and some threads are really funny but there are threads where posters are awful I just stay away from a thread that goes that way . For example if there is the regular sahm bunfight thread I can guarantee that I'll see certain usernames come up quickly with the claws out just waiting to be as awful as possible

This is so true. I remember posting on gransnet about concerns I had re nursing staff when my mother was seriously, seriously ill. One poster, whose daughter was a nurse, took it as a personal affront and was really nasty, despite the fact that I was upset and climbing the walls with anxiety. Thankfully another poster was absolutely lovely. But I couldn't bear to even see the name of the other poster coming up on a thread after that.