To think there are a lot of nasty people on Mumsnet?

[Poile]

Just that.

Have seen so many directly aggressive and passively aggressive comments on here that it makes me think that many mumsnetters are just plain nasty. Assuming to due to unhappiness with own life.

Some examples stick out - when people ask to guess their age some of the guesses are just rude and over the top inaccurate. One poster even questioned a person’s gender even stating they had thick eyebrows which were not groomed due to depression. The disingenuous of “please don’t think I’m being rude but …”.

Also saw someone ask for help with their curtains and the amount of snide remarks was shocking.

I also think a lot of people in here think their way is best and the only way. Insufferable.

To me the people who will kick a person when they are down just seems disproportionately high. Obviously the fact it’s an anonymous forum adds to this.

The men that come here not in good faith tend to be perverts or mra with an agenda rather than here to be randomly spiteful.

Well being a bit rude to someone asking about curtains is hardly kicking somebody when they’re down - unless they wanted to know how to wrap a body in them.

the guess my age posts are just tedious attention seeking and people will take the piss.

there are many supportive threads as well.

the site is moderated so just report posts and let MN judge if they break guidelines 🤷‍♀️

These types of replies piss me off and are unnecessarily shitty:

"I'm a bit worried I've had a pain for weeks in my chest and am scared it's something serious, has anyone had this?"

Cue shitty replies either telling op they need help with health anxiety (when nothing at all suggests they have actual health anxiety), accusing op of being insensitive because they have an incurable illness, OR obvious bullshit "my uncle had a similar tiny pain just once in his arm and he had a heart attack 4 months later best get checked out op" clearly designed to frighten the op.

People can be twats online. Twas ever thus.

Come on, that’s a bit harsh.
Suggesting there is a “type of person” who uses an online forum really isn’t accurate for a website like Mumsnet, where you’ve got thousands upon thousands of members from all walks of life. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a forum with such a diverse range of members.
More importantly, suggesting that people who might struggle in real life to make friends are “not going to be that great a person” is ridiculous. So many factors contribute from women and men being unable to forge many friendships in their every day life - anxiety, depression, mental health, child commitments, work commitments, shyness, illness, and so many more.

Yes, of course. More than ever. Patently.

Where have all these people who think men are never pricks online, and certainly never to women, been living? How on earth have you missed it?

@Brefugee , thanks. I do too if I think a line has been crossed.

@SerafinasGoose on some threads I’d understand, but not general posting. I have seen umpteen posters accused of being men on here for simply not having the herd opinion.

it’s a little pathetic really

@NonPlayerCharacter of course they are/ can be. But women are another kettle of fish.
(I am also a woman.. I just cannot stand the bitchiness of other women, personally)

@Wytchy

Are you expected to simper and #bekind in real life?

I'm not.

It's not about simpering and being falsely nice to people. It's about treating people the same as you would in real life, for example in a workplace you may not like someone but you would be civil to them .

Sometimes I've followed links on memory threads or looked in classics and in general there was a different vibe if you go back around 10-15 years . There was a lot more friendliness and respect. Perhaps it was because MN was a lot smaller then, perhaps it's a reflection of society, I don't know.

I don't think that MN should allow the 'guess my age' threads as while someone posting should have an idea of what to expect, there is no guarantee they are posting a picture of themselves .

Mumsnet is worse for this than most social media sites. Much worse.

YANBU but unfortunately all chat forums are the same. The majority of people come on to debate, get advice, give advice or just enjoy an interesting conversation with other people. But there are always a vocal minority who just want to sneer, pick fights, undermine people or form pile ons. It's a bit like real life workplaces, clubs or social groups - most people are fine but there's always a couple of annoying prats with a misplaced superiority complex. In real life you can do your best to avoid these people, but on line it's more difficult.

The guess my age threads should not be allowed to stand.

There’s no proof that those posters arent using a photo of someone and posting them on here maliciously for people to comment on their appearance.

@NonPlayerCharacter they’re often being dicks on other forums I’d bet.

to genuinely think men are posing as women just to snark is laughable.

when people are actively being rude on certain topics yes I’d get your point, but general snark? Nah

I once mentioned I attended a grammar school in a post which had a spelling mistake (dyslexia) and was told “I hope you’re lying with those grammar skills”

Behaving like a dick is genderless. It can happen to all of us from time to time. For some it's a more constant affliction than others.

I've never received a death or rape threat online from a woman, nor had one try to find me in reality. Can't say the same for men.

Sorry, but while I would agree that MN isn't the most shining example of the best of humanity, I can't agree that women are worse than men online and I think it smacks of "not like other girls".

@PossumintheHouse its factually true though.

also it’s hardly a diverse range of members. The vast majority of posters are white women of a certain age. That is a fact.

I suppose it all depends on what you consider rude. This is the whole issue. When there are a large number of people talking about an issue you will get a wider range of opinions, and communication style than you would with a small number of real life friends.
Also if the topic is one of home decor or hair styles I personally think that people don't need to be as delicate compared to more serious issues.

And I would never post on here about difficulties with parenting unless inconsequential. It is not a supportive space.

@NonPlayerCharacter who has said women are worse than men online?

The thing that really gets my goat is posters carping about grammar and spelling errors in the OP or using them as evidence of sub-par intelligence. I really can't stand it.

I get it but there are also some crazy OPs on here at times. Where they ask for an opinion, don’t get what they want and then seem to call everyone names for not agreeing with them.

One sticks out in my head recently about someone complaining their colleagues weren’t doing their exact hours sat at their desks but did their jobs. The OP wasn’t very happy that they didn’t follow the rules exactly and got very heated in responses. I did flag that one as I think the person needed help with their mental health.

Theres defo a few people who should be kinder in their responses but occasionally I do think the OP needs to open to other ideas / responses.

@GotBeatenUp
Relationships is a perfect example of where people are unnecessarily snide to others.

I think there are a lot of made up threads on there and I don't know whether some posters approach it that situations aren't real - but if that's what you suspect either report or stay away.

I remember joining Gransnet for a while and thinking it would be much gentler and more polite than Mumsnet. On the face of it, that's true. But when you've been posting for a while you spot the same names constantly coming on to put other people down or belittle their views. So it's obviously ingrained in some people's personalities and not something people grow out of.

It's not laughable, it's quite patently true. I don't know why you think it's so unlikely. We have loads of clear MRAs on here. Very very clear.