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AIBU?

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Original poster

To cook rice every night?

129 replies

RiceisLife · 08/01/2024 22:01

DS (4) is on waiting lists for ASD and ADHD. He stims, he separates all his food, he meltdowns, he has v few friends, he refuses to wear certain clothes, he has a twitch anc struggles verbally. He is in mainstream school just started but they are kick starting lots of additional support

He is obsessed with rice. He barely eats breakfast, he has school lunch, but for dinner he is happy to try what we are eating (spag bol, curry) but he is really obsessed with idea of having rice on his plate. If no rice dinner becomes war. Tears, food on the floor etc

DH tells me I'm pandering. That if he's hungry enough he'll eat. I say it's so easy for me to boil a handful of rice along dinner, why not just make it??

It's causing real issues. We aren't united which is upsetting DS. We have wider issues about our different responses to DS and my heart is breaking to say that the stress of our son is killing our relationship - we hate each other a lot of the time

Anyway - rice - am I being too soft?

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 08/01/2024 22:05

This is what the phrase "pick your battles" was invented for.

A four year old who will happily try other/new foods as long as they have a bit of rice too? Sounds ideal tbh! I'd do it, no doubt.

NitsGalore · 08/01/2024 22:07

Jesus christ give him some rice! It's not even unhealthy. Can't see why your DH is making this his hill to die on. Do it. Make life easy.

Renamed · 08/01/2024 22:07

Why the hell wouldn’t you give him rice? Millions of people eat it multiple times a day. It’s not like he’s insisting on Haribo on his plate. Your DH sounds really unhelpful- is he in denial? Is there some reading or a course he could do to understand better?

Grumpynan · 08/01/2024 22:10

I would just cook him rice, it’s not a lot of effort really

mumsytoon · 08/01/2024 22:11

Is rice on his plate every day at school lunch? If it's not, then I'm with your dh.

EmpressSoleil · 08/01/2024 22:11

Absolutely make the rice. Its not "pandering"! I agree with Renamed, it sounds like your DH is in denial.

Just an idea, you say he barely eats breakfast, would he eat a small bowl of rice for breakfast? (Plenty of people across the world do).

mrsfollowill · 08/01/2024 22:12

This really shouldn't be an issue- I get it- I have an son with autism who is an adult now and still has a few issues around food- eg prefers stuff that isn't mixed up or touching on a plate.
At 4 years old and with his issues it's not pandering either- agree it is so easy to add rice to things especially if it means he will eat the rest of the meal or try new things.
If you are mostly the one cooking dinner (sounds like you are) then DH should butt out really- it's no skin off his nose surely? I hope things get better for all you soon.

SnowsFalling · 08/01/2024 22:13

I wouldn't cook rice every night, but I would serve it every night.
Yes, if rice isn't cooled and stored properly, it's a food poisoning risk. But we happily cook rice, cool half and pop in the fridge. Reheated with a tiny bit of extra water in the microwave.

Catsbreakfast · 08/01/2024 22:13

Get a rice cooker, it’s a game changer. And change the husband.

Moier · 08/01/2024 22:15

Kids with ASD will definitely NOT eat anything if they are hungry enough.. four Grankids all ASD.
Two only beige food.. bread/ toast/ cheese/ bananas/ chips/ potato letters/ chicken nuggets.
Non will have any food touching any other food.. so they have dividing plates and sometimes more than one plate.
16 year old will only eat Chinese food ( certain Chinese food.. lots of rice and noodles .. and Yorkshire puddings and Gravy.
Eldest has started to eat a more variety but he is 18.
But when he was 11 he had six things he would only eat. If his Mum didn't have it in he would rather go hungry than eat anything else. She's always made 3 seperate meals for her 3 ..but that's always been her normal.
You CANNOT force an ASD child to eat anything they don't want to.. it's not just the taste.. it's the feel.. the colour.. the texture.. a sensory issue. Your husband needs educating on ASD.

hoarahloux · 08/01/2024 22:15

Many people around the world have rice with every meal.

Get the Veetee microwave pouches and you have a portion for one. About a quid for two portions. They even do different types (jasmine, sticky, thai style with herbs).

Wanna17 · 08/01/2024 22:16

Your DS probably isn't the one cooking it, so I'd tell him to keep quiet unless he's going to start doing all the cooking and dealing with the fallout

Veryverycalmnow · 08/01/2024 22:18

We have had advice from a dietician for our child with autism, he said as long as a range of healthy choices are provided, even in a 'tasting bowl' at the side, then give them food that makes them relaxed and comfortable. It was harder to make these decisions when the diagnosis wasn't there, I found. People were telling us if he was hungry enough he'd eat, but it really wasn't helpful. He has about 4 meals he will eat and they all involve very similar ingredients. Luckily, following that advice, he now eats things from the tasting bowl such as spinach, nuts, fruit. Don't worry. It's not pandering if you are making sure your child is comfortable at mealtimes. You may get different advice, as we know all kids are so different and all I recommend speaking to the doctor about a dietician, as it has been really helpful. Good luck.

Tespo · 08/01/2024 22:18

I wouldn't cook rice in that situation.
Pouches, much easier.
Or freeze some and fry quickly.

You will get some help and professio
nals at some point who can offer guidance on dealing, and what to give / don't. or a charity helpline might too.
am sure it's not a big deal. Make your life easy.

TiggeryBear · 08/01/2024 22:19

My youngest REALLY doesn't like mash potatoes, or jacket potatoes, so we compromise & he has roasties or chips instead.

I don't see how cooking a small portion of rice alongside whatever you might be having is any different 🤷🏼‍♀️ if it meant my child was eating, then I'd roll with it.

Prawncow · 08/01/2024 22:19

I think it’s really sensible to give him something you know he’ll eat. I’d also buy an electric rice cooker

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/01/2024 22:20

If your son is diagnosed then he can expect 'reasonable adjustments' in employment etc. It's a shame your husband seems to class accommodating autism as 'pandering' and won't make any reasonable adjustments at home.

BreakingAndBroke · 08/01/2024 22:20

If he is happy to eat other food as long as rice is on the plate, I would give him rice. If it is too much effort to cook it every day, you can get little yogurt-sized pots of rice pudding that he could have for afters/as a side.

LessonsLearnedInLife · 08/01/2024 22:26

Can you not buy the frozen rice and cook a little bit each night? That would save you cooking it every night. As a PP said make your life as easy as possible. He may be masking at school hence eating the school lunch.

MumofAnarchy88 · 08/01/2024 22:29

Fellow Mum of an autistic child here.....this is a bit of a trigger for me tbh, he needs to eductae himself....food aversions are a part of Autism and with an attitude like " your pandering" NO you are accommodating your sons needs! If having rice on his plate reduces his anxiety around try other food why the hell wouldn't you do it. It is so easy for a person who isn't autistic to say aw he's at it basically......but you know your child you'll know when he's calm and happy and when he's stressed out! Why would you induce stress for him when home is meant to be his safe space where he shouldn't have to mask any of his traits, my DS is also in main stream school and although he is doing amazing....its exhausting for him, he has to self regulate all day in amongst a room of 20/30 other pupils and remained focused on his work....the sensory overload must be phenomenal....the smells, the noises the textures, the visual input. So of course when he comes home he wants his safe food and is still willing to try new food on top of that...like wow does ur DH realise how amazing that is? Your DS is doing amazing! His safe good is something familiar and predictable....there is no anxiety associated with this food.....its not a big ask for the effort he is putting in....in the nicest way possible tell your DH to go on social media and speak to a few Autistic adults....alot of the time an autistic child's behaviours can be baffling to a non autistic person.....until you realise the reasons behind the behaviour....all behaviours are communications and alot are based around fulfilling a sensory need. If your DH continues with this attitude he's going to actually be the cause of alot of distress and meltdowns .....you cannot parent an Autistic child like a non autistic child there has to be an understanding of ok im not sure why this means so much to you but I'm going to trust that this is what you need right now. As long as its safe to do so and he isn't harming anyone....why not. ?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 08/01/2024 22:33

It’s rice. It’s not like he’s wanting something unhealthy, expensive or that takes a lot of effort. If he insisted on a homemade chocolate gateaux with fresh cherries and Belgian chocolate every day I’d see your husbands point, but of all the foods he could want rice is one of the cheapest, healthiest and easiest to cook. Really don’t think this is a battle worth fighting with your son.

Redlarge · 08/01/2024 22:35

There are people all over the world who eat rice daily. I would do it

Longsight2019 · 08/01/2024 22:38

Buy a rice cooker. Buy some large ziplock bags. Rapidly cool it once in the bag on day one after he’s had a portion. Refrigerate.

totally safe to reheat for the next couple of dinners in the microwave.

This way, he gets his rice, and you only cook it twice every 6/7 days.

The rice police will be along soon. The ones who eat egg fried rice which has been left for days in a takeaway with no ill effects.

Rapid cooling and thorough reheating is key.

Singleandproud · 08/01/2024 22:40

Rice cooker is a game changer.
I'd cook what your DS eats, going for brown rather than white.
I'd also try other similar foods like cous cous and quinoa and possibly mixin with the rice if he'll take it

BuffaloCauliflower · 08/01/2024 22:44

It’s not pandering it’s accommodating, and easily too. Also - he’s happy to try whatever else too? Thats amazing! If having rice on the plate helps him try other foods that’s an easy win. Your husband needs to do some more reading around autism so he can understand it better.