To cook rice every night?

[RiceisLife]

DS (4) is on waiting lists for ASD and ADHD. He stims, he separates all his food, he meltdowns, he has v few friends, he refuses to wear certain clothes, he has a twitch anc struggles verbally. He is in mainstream school just started but they are kick starting lots of additional support

He is obsessed with rice. He barely eats breakfast, he has school lunch, but for dinner he is happy to try what we are eating (spag bol, curry) but he is really obsessed with idea of having rice on his plate. If no rice dinner becomes war. Tears, food on the floor etc

DH tells me I'm pandering. That if he's hungry enough he'll eat. I say it's so easy for me to boil a handful of rice along dinner, why not just make it??

It's causing real issues. We aren't united which is upsetting DS. We have wider issues about our different responses to DS and my heart is breaking to say that the stress of our son is killing our relationship - we hate each other a lot of the time

Anyway - rice - am I being too soft?

I was in the same position, and in the end I had to take my son and leave. It’s ironic that some ND fathers understand their kids less than others. Even now my son is an adult, he often comments ‘send him to live with me for a few weeks, I’ll sort him out.’ It sounds drastic but I had to choose between my husband and my son, there was no contest. Even if you get him to agree with your decisions through threatening to leave he won’t be doing it genuinely. I also had a ND boyfriend for 3 years who didn’t understand him and refused to read a book. I suspect because he was afraid of finding out about himself.

Rice, rice and more rice! How stupid is your husband? Rice is so healthy!

Dd ate rice 3 meals a day often, she used to take sushi or rice and tuna mayo for school lunch. She's autistic. She used to, actually still does like plain rice and soy sauce.

This sounds really stressful OP and I completely get that a child with SEN needs will require different approaches from the usual. I also am a believer in the “pick your battles” philosophy so my comment has nothing to do with that side of things. I’ve got no desire to make a difficult situation more difficult for you, but would feel bad not raising this for you to at least consider. I have read on a few occasions that rice can have quite high levels of arsenic, even organic rice. Given that many people eat it as a staple around the world, I am sure it is a low level concern, but reading your thread I would have felt bad not to at least mention it so you had the opportunity to look into it if your DC is eating very large amounts. Don’t get immediately worried: most food has things in it that can be harmful in huge quantities and articles can adroitly whip innocent foodstuffs into a dire sounding poison. But it might be worth some gentle investigation just to be on the safe side if he really is quite dependent on it.

Ps you can freeze rice and just take out what you need, microwave or stir fry the cooked frozen rice until piping hot

Maybe you could do print outs for the fridge with short pieces of information, headed with the relevant ‘professional’ body. That information will go into his brain because we automatically read what’s in front of us.
No matter how hard children are beaten or punished, you can’t beat autism out of them.
Your husband’s belief system is very black and white, ah yes , like a person with autism.

Totally agree.

Both my sons are also asd . Sometimes just seeing something familiar on the plate makes them comfortable . I would say just serve the rice with whatever else your cooking x

Your son's pending diagnosis especially aside your DH isn't being particularly nice to him. My children do not have ASD but we still respect normal likes and dislikes that all children and adults have. My DH hates eggs so if we are having an egg based dish he has something else, DS1 doesn't like melted cheese so we leave melted cheese off of whatever section he is having. If your DH served me baked beans after serving me them multiple times before and me not eating them and explaining that I didn't like them then I wouldn't be particularly nice back to him. I'm not very fussy at all and the rest of the family have fussy stages and non fussy stages but the home should be a safe space and if he needs a spoonful of rice in the corner of his plate to make him feel safe then I would do it.

Be prepared for him not to accept that though, frozen then reheated food taste/texture is different. If it works great; but many wouldn't accept the reheat.

pl tell your hubby he is lucky your son wants a decent food every day - my friend's ASD daughter when younger would only eat food covered in chocolate!
Rice everyday is good enough for the Asians - why not ask your son to help you experiment with different rices ie add a bit of sweet corn one day - show him how to stirfry rice for fried rice etc.

My DH was the same. He doesn't read books and refuses to accept he is on the spectrum himself. For the first few years he and his mother kept saying I was too soft etc, and it was a battle. One time we were at a church service and DS (4 or 5) was crying and DH wanted to take him outside and smack him!! He honestly thought that DS was being deliberately naughty and should be 'punished'......😨

However, he is much better these days. We've seen quite a few TV programmes over the years, and I suppose conversations etc may have sunk in through osmosis, to some extent. He does still have unreasonable expectations sometimes but that applies to both his DCs as he can only see one viewpoint and can only understand one experience - his own... 🙄. But mostly, we're all pretty good. (And DS 15 is a lovely young man and proof that my parenting approach was right)!

I hope your DH starts to be more understanding - or at least lets you get on with things your way. Good luck!

Yeah just give him the rice. Tell your husband he will be offered rice and you don't want to hear it mentioned again.

Give him what he will eat. My 5 year old is like this and will literally starve if he doesn't have the few things he will eat

I wouldn't cook rice daily. I'd cook it and cook it very quickly, then put it in a lidded container in the fridge. Then give him some with his evening meal. If he's trying other stuff, that is brilliant.

Cook the rice. And please insist your husband educates himself now on ASD or you could all be in for one hell of a ride through the teenage years.

You can cook rice every 2 days,
day 1 cook rice and fridge leftover rice in a sealed containet. Day two, microwave with curries or a bit of water if eating on its own. Its really not hard. Its healthy, natural and hormone/ chemical free unlike a lot of processed shit.

I read a great tip for reheating rice in the micro: cover it in a wet paper towel. It helps it steam nicely. We always nuke it in case of food poisoning. Perfect every time.

Your husband needs to do an autism awareness course as a matter of urgency. Your sons safe food is the rice it would be insane to take this away.

OP you are doing the right thing. I don’t know much about autism but lots of posters who do have experience are saying give him the rice.

My eldest son went through a stage of only eating Nutella on toast, and bake beans and fried egg. I did fight it at first but I learnt it was better for him to eat something than nothing at all. Now he eats much more widely although still has very clear likes and dislikes. As a child myself I hated white bread and mashed potato due to the texture. My mum just swapped my bread to whole meal and gave me something different instead of mash potato. So many people I know as adults had similar aversions to certain foods some are autistic some not. We all have likes and dislikes and if your son likes rice he should have it.

I don’t know what the answer to the problems with your husband understanding are. But please don’t doubt yourself you are doing the right thing. I hope you get your son’s diagnosis soon and the professional support to back you up and to help your husband to understand and be more open minded.

My DS has SLD and autism. When he was 5 he was on the second year of only eating mighty meaty pasta from m and s... it lasted 3 years in total. He now (as a young adult) eats everything including salad and fruit which he wouldn't touch until he was about 14.

1 of my 4 will only eat rice, plain pasta, pizza and chicken nuggets. I cook her a separate meal each night. Yes it can be a little inconvenient but it saves the child from a lot of stress and means they'll actually eat something. Your husband needs to be more accommodating.

My brother had a childhood friend who was a very fussy eater and one thing was he would only eat cheddar cheese. It was amazing how much blue-veined cheddar, soft with a white rind cheddar, Dutch with a red rind cheddar etc etc he was able to eat at our house.

With autism and ARIFID it really isn't a case of just putting food out and if child is hungry enough they will eat. I know two autistic children who have needed to be tube fed because they stopped eating.

I am a very healthy person who eats lots of fruit and vegetables a day, I have no food aversions whatsoever and eat a well-balanced selection of things. My son has such a small number of safe foods and absolutely nothing I do will encourage him to try anything outside them, he physically gags if he sees me eating certain things. he probably has about 10 things that he will eat, we might add one new food a year, last year it was a certain type of bread.

It's absolutely not a case of just letting him go hungry as he isn't able to make the connection that he is hungry because he wouldn't eat something I gave him that he doesn't even consider food.

He is non verbal so not able to tell me what it is he likes and dislikes of certain foods, we have to do guess.

My point is you have to take your mind out of normal food, eating rules it's not the same at all

Speaking as an Indian - we are rice daily growing up. In my part of India at least where rotis aren’t really a thing. So - 🤷‍♀️