Page 8 | Depressed about salary

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 08/01/2024 22:17

Atethehalloweenchocs · 08/01/2024 22:07

After 30 years of working I am only a short way above this - in a job that I have to have 2 degrees and an advanced practitioner diploma to do. It is bloody depressing. But I work for the NHS so have just had to accept this is my life.

You can also do agency in the private sector and earn millllioonnnss😄

BlueGrey1 · 08/01/2024 22:17

You are still young enough to progress your career and get a better salary before you are in late 30s /40, it just takes some people a bit longer……. It is what it is at the moment so stop stressing about it and enjoy your pregnancy

Scottishskifun · 08/01/2024 22:18

Firstly congratulations your soon going to be very busy and 25 weeks mat leave pay was a smart decision!

Secondly you have a long time to earn more, chase promotions etc. I have been in my team for many years....when I started I was the youngest by 10 years at 31, the average age in my team is 48. Its a specialist job but what I'm saying is you have the time to find posts.

Thirdly when it comes to it in a few years time don't undersell or not apply for something because you don't have 100% of the criteria men typically will apply at around 50% match!

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 08/01/2024 22:27

Labraradabrador · 08/01/2024 22:13

@infor this is where ‘perceived’ comes in to value add. There are loads of (often women) who go the extra mile on important but undervalued work (coaching and mentoring?) and then are resentful about lack of recognition. I don’t go the extra mile unless my employer will value it and/or it brings me joy/ job satisfaction.

There are loads of men in these roles too. This pisses me right off on this site!! Ohh poor women, they are so downtrodden because of all these big powerful strong men. There are a shitload of men out there with families, working their arses off on a shit wage to provide for their families.

But, poor me on my 60k!!
Perspective!!!

BeckyBloomwood3 · 08/01/2024 22:28

Hotterthanhades · 08/01/2024 20:22

To earn an ‘average wage’ in the UK, you actually have to earn quite a high salary compared to majority of population.

The ‘mean wage’ tells you the most common salary which is far less than £35k a year.

This is because the top 5 per cent earn such huge amounts that it’s skews the results for ‘the average’.

I’m not across the latest figures but remember an old radio 4 programme saying that the ‘average salary’ puts you in top 10% of earners in the UK. ( or something close to that…will dig out the stats)

its an interesting lesson in inequality.

I know this has been said thousands of times on these threads but really. All these figures are meaningless anyway without some sort of cost index. You can buy a 2 bed apartment for 140K in the North West, in my area with a direct bus + 20 min train to Manchester. That's exactly 4 times a 35K salary excluding deposit.
Forget London, housing in places like Cambridge and Bristol cost much more.

Food, utilities etc are the same up and down the country these days. It's housing really that makes the difference.

NalafromtheLionKing · 08/01/2024 22:35

Which career are you in, which makes you feel you should be earning a lot more than the average? You’re probably earning more than the average in your area, as you say money goes further there.

Unless there’s a drip feed and you are eg an investment banker, then you should feel lucky that you are expecting a much wanted baby with your high earning DH.

Labraradabrador · 08/01/2024 22:35

@Didshejustsaythatoutloud it is well documented that women disproportionately take on a caretaking role at work, similar to imbalance seen in the home. Of course there are also men in that situation, and the same advice applies. Gender bias is relevant, and an important factor in any discussion of wages, but obviously doesn’t explain every individual circumstance.

PelicanPopcorn · 08/01/2024 22:36

It sucks that women have to pass up promotions because maternity leave isn't available from day one or isn't good enough.

And then people act like the gender pay gap is an act of god.

Really feel for you OP you shouldn't have had to turn down the promotion. No man would have needed to.

4andnotcounting · 08/01/2024 22:47

@WashItTomorrow which industry are you in that is dying because of ai? (Sorry for the off topic question 🙈)

Jessforless · 08/01/2024 22:48

PelicanPopcorn · 08/01/2024 22:36

It sucks that women have to pass up promotions because maternity leave isn't available from day one or isn't good enough.

And then people act like the gender pay gap is an act of god.

Really feel for you OP you shouldn't have had to turn down the promotion. No man would have needed to.

It’s just not feasible to offer maternity leave from day 1 though is it? How would businesses survive? People could take jobs and just go straight off on leave?

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 08/01/2024 22:55

I earn over £10k pa less than this so maybe try seeing things more positively? Where do you want to be salary wise? Is retraining an option?

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 08/01/2024 22:56

Labraradabrador · 08/01/2024 22:35

@Didshejustsaythatoutloud it is well documented that women disproportionately take on a caretaking role at work, similar to imbalance seen in the home. Of course there are also men in that situation, and the same advice applies. Gender bias is relevant, and an important factor in any discussion of wages, but obviously doesn’t explain every individual circumstance.

You are right, it does not! . Most/some women take on the caring role. Cos we (females) are just better, we just are!! . However, in my basic, shitty role, in my paid job , I hope I do go that extra mile and make patients/families feel a wee bit brighter n better cos its ME whose there and not some other grumpy nurse/DR, 😀

Original poster

Porcupinesky · 08/01/2024 23:48

It’s interesting to hear different perspectives. My current employer is very flexible with working too and known for being sympathetic to those with families, the employer I turned down was a small company who offered no enhanced pay or flexibility with working so it felt like a step into the unknown. So I don’t regret the decision but do regret the pay!

OP posts:

MsMaraschino · 08/01/2024 23:56

Comparison may be the thief of joy for some, as mentioned above, but an inability to compare our salaries does us down. I’m negotiating for some work at the moment and have no idea how much my Co-workers are earning. If private companies were more open about pay then we would be able to make better judgements about the wages we accept.

Frostytwiglet · 09/01/2024 00:03

Labraradabrador · 08/01/2024 21:49

@Frostytwiglet salary is typically awarded based on perceived value add, not blood sweat or tears. If the only way you can justify your salary is blood, sweat, tears, you need to rethink your priorities and/or redefine your value proposition. I have had many jobs that are less than 40 hours a week but six figure salary - no specialist qualifications either, just ability to perform a role that was difficult to recruit for and willingness to negotiate hard on salary. Some flexibility is expected at senior levels, but it doesn’t need to be a grind all year long - I can be savvy about which meetings I travel for and when I put in extra hours to close a deal / project so that my extra engagement is recognised and valued.

While I appreciate your response, you don't even know what industry my DH is in and are therefore clueless about the specifics. How you do things is nice for you but it has no baring our situation and not all lines of work carry the same weight.

Pookerrod · 09/01/2024 00:05

Porcupinesky · 08/01/2024 23:48

It’s interesting to hear different perspectives. My current employer is very flexible with working too and known for being sympathetic to those with families, the employer I turned down was a small company who offered no enhanced pay or flexibility with working so it felt like a step into the unknown. So I don’t regret the decision but do regret the pay!

This is the most important thing for you right now. You made the right decision.

I believe that as women, we can “have it all” but not all at the same time. You need to think strategically about your career and family life. There are and will continue to be months/years when you put your home life first, and other times when you make sacrifices to further your career for the greater good of you and your family.

The art is recognising which times are which.

AnneValentine · 09/01/2024 06:20

Labraradabrador · 08/01/2024 21:49

@Frostytwiglet salary is typically awarded based on perceived value add, not blood sweat or tears. If the only way you can justify your salary is blood, sweat, tears, you need to rethink your priorities and/or redefine your value proposition. I have had many jobs that are less than 40 hours a week but six figure salary - no specialist qualifications either, just ability to perform a role that was difficult to recruit for and willingness to negotiate hard on salary. Some flexibility is expected at senior levels, but it doesn’t need to be a grind all year long - I can be savvy about which meetings I travel for and when I put in extra hours to close a deal / project so that my extra engagement is recognised and valued.

What kind of role is hard to recruit, requires no training and pays 6 figures?

NalafromtheLionKing · 09/01/2024 07:33

AnneValentine · 09/01/2024 06:20

What kind of role is hard to recruit, requires no training and pays 6 figures?

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Prime Minister?

Moanyoldmoan · 09/01/2024 11:06

This is such a non problem

Notamum12345577 · 09/01/2024 11:17

Porcupinesky · 08/01/2024 17:49

I’m feeling pretty down at the stories today around the national average wage now being £35k.

I only earn just above this amount. I had been offered a better paid role about 4 months ago but found out I was pregnant so turned it down, as I get a good maternity package in this role (25 weeks full pay) so it made better financial sense to stay. I’m waiting for a promotion but the company is tightening finances so I’m uncertain when this can be processed. I’ll probably get a small payrise in April before I start mat leave.

Is anyone else feeling this way? It’s what I think about most of the day. Luckily DH earns a decent salary and pays more bills but it’s a real knock to my self worth as I thought I would achieve more in life.

The majority of people earn less than you, so maybe look at it that way?

ImpeckableChicken · 09/01/2024 11:20

Dear god, I earn £20k, didn’t realise I was so poor 😂

willWillSmithsmith · 09/01/2024 11:20

ChittaChatta · 08/01/2024 17:56

Sometimes yes I do feel down about it. I earn £34k so under the average for a v v stressful job! However I'm more down about the fact that really crucial and distressing roles such as therapist, social worker, care staff, nursery workers are seen as expendable. Whereas roles such as financial advisor, roles in marketing and advertising etc can lead to big money!

The thing is though certain job vacancies are harder to fill with the necessary skills. My ex earns very good money because his role needs a lot of experience and specialised knowledge. I on the other hand worked in admin and I was more easily replaced (literally a random temp would be brought in if I was on holiday etc). Isn’t this how a lot of salaries are based?

JRM17 · 09/01/2024 11:37

I have a MASSIVELY stressful job which if your pay scale was based on risk and stress I'd probably be earning at least 150k (think people's lives at risk) as it is I earn a basic salary of 23k with a shift allowance that puts it up to around 25k. You cant base your self worth on your salary other wise what you'd actualy be telling me is the some posh tot in a big office who earns 200k a year is worth more than someone doing my job where we are potentially dealing with life and death.

willWillSmithsmith · 09/01/2024 11:55

JRM17 · 09/01/2024 11:37

I have a MASSIVELY stressful job which if your pay scale was based on risk and stress I'd probably be earning at least 150k (think people's lives at risk) as it is I earn a basic salary of 23k with a shift allowance that puts it up to around 25k. You cant base your self worth on your salary other wise what you'd actualy be telling me is the some posh tot in a big office who earns 200k a year is worth more than someone doing my job where we are potentially dealing with life and death.

Exactly. My ex may earn a lot but as a human being he is very lacking.

ACityOnAHill · 09/01/2024 12:05

I honestly feel like I could have written this.
I think growing up there was too much emphasis added to career/salary being the measure of worth and self worth. This is entirely false.
You are not defined by your salary.
It's hard to disassociate the two of course - I still struggle with it. I don't enjoy my job and I made some bad career decisions - but hey, not everyone works in their dream role and earns tonnes. I don't have the magic words to fix this but I pray this depression lifts from you and that you know you're wonderful and doing a great.