Depressed about salary

[Porcupinesky]

I’m feeling pretty down at the stories today around the national average wage now being £35k.

I only earn just above this amount. I had been offered a better paid role about 4 months ago but found out I was pregnant so turned it down, as I get a good maternity package in this role (25 weeks full pay) so it made better financial sense to stay. I’m waiting for a promotion but the company is tightening finances so I’m uncertain when this can be processed. I’ll probably get a small payrise in April before I start mat leave.

Is anyone else feeling this way? It’s what I think about most of the day. Luckily DH earns a decent salary and pays more bills but it’s a real knock to my self worth as I thought I would achieve more in life.

I only earned enough to pay £80 in tax this year, it's an improvement on last year.

I suppose it depends what you do and what your potential is.

If you had just started a career and we're on £36k with the potential to go higher. That is different to being in your late 40s are probably on the highest salary you will earn (inflation adjusted).

Acievement has absolutely nothing to do with money - some people toil away their whole lives in offices, doing some stuff for a company, taking 5 weeks holiday, and making lots of money - they retire, the company disappears, everything they did is forgotten, they are forgotten - they did well for themselves, lived an OK life, but achieved very little.

My uncle worked his whole life for Vidor Batteries doing some managerial role, he company, the batteries, the factory, all gone, as alas is he.

Then you may have a painter or craftsman, who makes comparatively little, but his or her work is enjoyed and or used daily, it has utility or it brings light, it endures after they are long forgotten, that is achievement.

Raising the next generation well, that is also achievement, as is helping others.

Absolutely nothing wrong with the persuit of a good wage and a 9 til 5, but it should not be confused with achievement.

According to this, the average salary for the top 10% of earners in UK is £66K

https://www.statista.com/statistics/416102/average-annual-gross-pay-percentiles-united-kingdom/#:~:text=In%202023%2C%20the%20average%20annual,bottom%20ten%20percent%20of%20earners.

I am 34 and earn £24k. Had a baby when I was a teenager which limited my earning potential so I'm essentially starting my career from scratch now. Would love to earn £30k, it would be enough for me (I live in social housing so rent is affordable).

These figures don't alwaysean that much. I mean this includes London who average is £36,000 where as somewhere like Liverpool is only £28,000. It all relative and not a big issue. You are earning more then most and have time to earn more.

To clarify when I say waiting for promotion I mean it’s been put forward as I’ve met the criteria however the organisation only signs off x amount at a time, or currently not at all due to finances. So not much more I can do here, but I’m now in my third trimester so realistically can’t look elsewhere! For that reason I suppose I do feel overqualified.

God I earn £9k less than that 🤣

And I am grateful I don’t earn any less (I have earned less in the past) but it’s not a race to the bottom - I can still feel depressed about my own situation. I’m 32 and I live in the midlands where money does go a bit further.

Well it seems that you measure 'achievement' by salary.
In which case surely you'd have chosen a well-paid career and/or not reproduced until you're more senior?

It's really the 'median' most people earn, not the average. But you are doing OK with a high-earning husband and baby on the way. What's your issue? Are we going to get a big sob story of a drip feed...?

Depressing? For earning £36k ish? Wowzers. I earn more than this but never could have imagined saying I was depressed at earning a half decent salary with my DH also earning decent 🤯

Also OP not sure 'depressed' means what you think it means...

You have an outstanding mat pay package there definately not one to feel depressed about!!

I live in the south east. I earn a bit more than that but not much. I find it depressing as where I live I can't have the lifestyle I would like. Most people around me seem to have inherited wealth so no mortgages as a result.

I also work with a lot of people abroad who do similar roles for far higher salaries. I find it depressing to be honest as they don't work harder than me but due to the differing nature of their country's economy they have a different lifestyle.

Remember the average means 50% of the working population are getting less than that and 50% more of course. So if you’re earning above £35k then you’re doing better than most! A shift in mindset will help you OP. I think we can too often forget to value being content these days. Don’t compare yourself to others so much - it rarely helps.

There’s no drip feed, I have fertility issues so when I got pregnant there wasn’t a question of keeping the baby. Yes I wish I was more senior as there is money to be made in my career path. Part of the reason I feel miserable about it!

Sorry to be the pedant, but that's not 'average'.

But yes agree, a shift in mindset definitely required! If you keep comparing yourself to others, you'll never be content however much your salary rises.

Is £35k the average wage in the Midlands though, or including London wages into it's calculation?

I live in the Midlands and earn £29k. I'm mid-30s, and everyone I know who have good 'careers' earns between £28-35k.

Mumsnet skews things because there's so many women here living in £600k houses with kids in private school thinking it's normal, but I think this is a situation where you really need to count your blessings. You have a really good wage...

But you still have time to get there. If you husband earns a 'decent' salary and your career path pays well... you won't be forced to quit work like so many other women as you'll be able to afford childcare.

Maybe you had an ideal in your head of earning well before having baby then taking some time off, returning with little detriment but you're lucky to earn the 'average' salary, have a high earning husband and get pregnant despite fertility issues. You are young enough to have decades of working life ahead of you if you're young enough to get pregnant. Even a 40 year old has 27 years before retirement age (and the latter will only get higher in future).

Millions of women work with children. If you 'choose' not to, that's your prerogative. But would you rather have shot up the career ladder and remained childless?

Everyone has a right to feel what they feel. But you posted in AIBU. So, YABVVU to not count your blessings and be grateful.

It includes London wages so do rather sque it the wrong way. The home counties to where many commute into London.

I'd say your doing okay me and dp have 34k coming in between us mostly down to my physical and mental health and dp background.

I'd love to be on £35k!! However, public sector salaries are pretty crap compared to private sector.

My industry’s on its knees. I earn £32k after 20 years - if I left I’d have to start at the bottom of something else at a lower wage, which I can’t afford to do. No husband to support my salary either.

Yes, it’s depressing, but the salaries you see on Mumsnet aren’t a great indicator of the majority of the country. It’s easy to get drawn into thinking everyone’s doing so much ‘better’ because there’s regular talk of six figure wages, but the average is just that - average.

Is it because you feel you are significantly more valuable than everybody else?

I’m in private sector. I tend to think public sector salaries are higher - definitely, friends who are nurses and teachers earn a lot more than me.