To be annoyed that I got an "olive branch"

[feelingstucktoday]

So there's two of us... I've always been very clear that I wanted to become a manager/TL as I've been one in the past and it was my "happy place"

Anywho, my manager did promise me something like than in the past (can't remember the last time she mentioned it but I'm sure it was around 9 months ago).

I had a "blip" of like 6 weeks where I had an "existencial crisis" and it was made clear that maybe this role wasn't necessarily the path to my fulfillment.

There's been a reshuffle, and it turns out that new "leadership" roles have been created, and my colleague (not me) has been given the TL role.

Instead, my manger has given me a "global role" with overarching visibility but nobody reports to me. So yes, I do have more exposure to other departments, yes I'm in charge of the multi-million deals, but it's still unclear to me how much agency I'll have,.or if I'd have to run things with my new TL. She has no experience of that sort of projects (as I've solely managed them from the start) so I'm still lost within the roles and responsibilities.

My manager tried to wrap it as a "good thing" as I was not limiting myself to just one role, and that it would be easier for me to jump to either a more senior overarching role, or directly under a VP.

I'm grateful that I'm employed and that I have a very good salary, etc... but I wish it has been an open conversation or "race".

I think there's definitely wisdom in what my manager is saying, but I just don't feel ill ever get to a managerial role here.

I see it this way too. For me that would be ideal. I have a staff of 9 that reports to me and I HATE it.

Do you express yourself at work in terms of your 'happy place' and 'existential crisis'? Because if you do, you may be coming across as a little immature. Rightly or wrongly, that sort of thinking and language is associated by many with a stereotype of a quite young, self absorbed person, and your manager may have judged you on that and wanted someone more down to earth and less self focused in the role. Your sloppy work period won't have helped matters either. Have you had any formal discussion with your manager about your career aspirations and asked for their suggestions on what you can do to work towards a management role?

I'm sorry you didn't get the role you wanted, but you're not automatically entitled to lead a team just because telling other people what to do is your 'happy place'.

Frankly, I think you are incredibly lucky to have been essentially gifted a management level role with visibility right across the business and a management level salary, without having to do the additional work of managing other people. In your position I would be feeling very grateful to be given that opportunity despite previously having a 'six week existential crisis' in which 'some of your work got sloppy'.

Also worth noting that you could easily apply for jobs elsewhere rather than waiting for your current employer to accommodate you.

Our roles have a process side and a commercial side, I've always excelled on the commercial side with my revenue being higher by 50-60%

Then you sound much better suited to your new role of overseeing deals, rather than one where you'd be handling all the additional 'process side' of managing a team of people. If you have the commercial talents, it sounds like they've made a good decision putting you in a more commercial role.

I mean, this new role would definitely make me much happier (sans people management). I'd get to travel more, it's a bit more project based (so more freedom with my schedule), I get to talk to all the departments, and talk to C-level.

There's some rigour to it, but we have someone who brings governance to it all.

If we win one of these deals, we win big. As mentioned I excel at this type of thing. Normally Directors/VPs are do ones who work on these projects but AFAIK (now thinking about it) I would be doing my own thing most of the time.

Well she originally said I had to be the "best in the role" - and they're very much about processes (which I'm not), so I GET it from that POV.

but there's also a commercial side of it, and the lady that got promoted does lack that acumen.

My manager kept mentioning I would "build my team", but it's more from a project side rather than people management.

I know I'm rambling now.

If you excel at the commercials, I’d want you doing the commercials not managing people.

I agree with others that your role sounds better. I have always been a SME and I enjoy what i do and the amount of autonomy I have whereas all my friends who are people managers moan about it. It sounds like your ego has just been bruised because you will have to report into a former colleague who you distrust. I’d wait to see if that becomes an issue before stressing about it.

You get that your senior colleagues, line managers etc aren’t primarily concerned with your happiness and ‘existential crises’?

I don't think it's about "living and breathing the role" at all, it's about your leadership and managing skills. You can successfully lead a team whilst hating the job/company, as long as you don't say anything about it.

But I would be hesitant to give someone the NEW responsibility of leading a team when they are not in the right headspace themselves. The added workload, potentiality sensitive HR situations and stress could easily overload someone who is already feeling down, and that's a risk for the team and the individuals involved.

Honestly, this reads like management speak written by someone who doesn't understand management speak. It may just be your particular writing style, but it all reads very oddly and I find myself unsurprised they didn't put you in charge of people.

Never believe anything anyone tells you about your job until you have it in writing. People promise all sorts to get others to do what they want at the time - promising job titles, promotions, more money and then not delivering at all is very common, whether well-meaning or not. At least you got something.

Also, managing people is hellish and not something to aspire to. All your time gets wasted on things like this, and hearing people's excuses for various things and having to discipline, fire, count to ten patiently in your head etc. The other person will be complaining about their job soon enough.

YABU for using the terms "happy place" and "existential crisis".

TBH you sound quite hard work, and if you're a seasoned manager then you will know that people who don't seem set on what they want out of their career - and verbalise this - will naturally not be progressed to the senior roles because the view is their heart isn't in it. (which is fine, everyone is allowed to not know what they want, I expect my team to be honest with me so I can support them in where they want to go, and I am honest back in that if you're telling me you're not sure this is where you want to be, I'm not going to bend over backwards to progress you in it.)

They thought your colleague was more suited to the role. That's literally all there is to it.
Perhaps your colleague finds it easier to let things lie?

What exactly do you mean by existential crisis from your POV? You said your work got sloppy, was this due to mental health struggles? I've been through a deep depression over the past 12 months due to overwhelming intrusive thoughts about death and mortality and the hopelessness that comes with it. I'm now in therapy and on medication to help me manage this so I'm wondering if you mean it in the same way that I do or something entirely different?

After running some reports it turned out she always over exaggerated how busy she was.

Who ran these reports? Please don’t say it was you!

What's with all the "quotation marks"?

Which I guess is what happened. That being said I've always been very clear about becoming a people manager or having more responsibilities within our roles.

For better or for worse I naturally did more things than my colleague and she just focused on our roles, so I guess that makes her more of an expert. I don't know.

I do find it odd considering we do have the commercial side to it, and I would have thought revenue would speak louder than process.

I too want to know how the existential crisis presented. Do you mean you voiced the idea that you might look for other jobs outside this particular company due to not feeling fulfilled? Or do you mean you adopted the foetal position and locked yourself in the office stationery cupboard for a week?

Anyone else glad that they just work for pay & don’t think about it more than that? 😂

Blimey, in my organisation you'd be on a PIP if you consistently dropped the ball and turned in sloppy work for weeks on end, not given a promotion!

The former. Inside I started to feel empty and without purpose, but didn't really expressed. I just said that maybe I could have a hybrid role given I had more bandwidth than my colleague (which again was all a misrepresentation).

^ this

I think you may ending up doing the deals and she gets the credit. I would ensure you have access to the senior staff and don't have to go via her for aprovals etc.

Last time you posted about this job, you made it clear that you weren't enjoying it, you were rushing through your work so you could spend more time on side projects, and your boss basically told you to look elsewhere. I'm not surprised you didn't get the TL role!

I didn't consistently dropped the ball... I was spinning three different plates while someone was telling me how busy she was. I had way more world load and more bandwidth.

Once I ran the reports it turned out it wasn't that bad in reality.

My colleague telling me "I don't know what you do with your day I'm always so busy" really got to me. I can't explain why, but it did.

If you had "more workload" and "more bandwidth" that would mean you had more capacity to deal with the workload?

Agree with PP that this is all written in very weird corporate speak by someone who sounds like they don't really understand it.

Also if YOU were the person who ran the reports then that is insane.