I’m drowning

[bazzibizz]

I’m sorry to post here but need the trailffic
im a single mum to 3 dc. They’re due home today from their dads. I’ve only just got up. My house is a mess, I’ve got no money. I’m in rent arrears. My anxiety is awful and I’m quite sure I’m depressed. I already take 40mg citalopram.
I just want to get back into bed and stay there. I haven’t seen anyone except my dc for about 2 weeks. It even my mum. I just don’t want to go out or see anyone.
I love my dc with every part of me, but I’m just not up to the job at the moment.
what do I do? How do I get out of this vicious circle?

One thing at a time. Concentrate on today for now, force yourself to jump in the shower and get dressed. Have a cup of tea and wash the dishes. Have you got any food in for today? Tomorrow make a GP appointment and go back to talk about your low mood, maybe ask about counselling or other mental health support? In my area Mind do free counselling although there is a waiting list. Try to force yourself out of the house every day and speak to someone even if its just the person in the corner shop

You say you haven’t seen your Mum. Is that because she isn’t supportive or just because you haven’t felt up to it? Can you tell her you’re struggling and, if so, will she help?

Its so hard to get out of a spiral when there’s so much on your shoulders. Be kind to yourself x

Oh love, I absolutely understand the drowning feeling. It's awful. You say you're on citalopram, are you taking it regularly? Maybe get yourself back to the doctor and see if they can up your dose a bit, or try a different AD if you've been taking it for a while and it hasn't helped your mood.

How old are the kids? Can they start doing a bit more around the house to help out?

Don't try to do everything all at once. Do the washing-up, dry it and put it all away. Then, wipe over the hob / cooker. Now you have a clean sink and a clean cooker. That's it for today. Go in the living room and pick up three things and put them away. Just three. Now stop.

Do you work?

Also prioritise the rent arrears. Your local council may have support/advice or Google Citizens advice or Shelter in your area

The man in the corner shop is the only person I have seen!
I have zero motivation to do anything. Every small task feels like a massive effort and my stomach turns at the thought of anything

No I don’t work at the moment. My youngest is nearly 2.
my mum is supportive. I was supposed to go and see her today, but I just slept. Has messages off her when I woke up asking if I was ok. She’ll know that I’m not

I’d ring Citizen’s Advcie first thing in the morning to deal with rent arrears. They can be very helpful.

Did you not spend time with a one over Christmas? Were the kids with you? That sounds tough.

Then yes also get a GP appointment. You may need your meds tweaked with or could be referred for counselling.

Sorry, yes I saw my mum Xmas day

I think that showering, doing the dishes and sorting out food might seem insurmountable for you at the moment.

How close are you to your mum? Could you manage a phone call to ask her for help? Even if it’s just coming over to make beans on toast for the DC and to sit with them while you pick one thing to try and concentrate on doing (whether that’s showering or even just brushing your teeth). Or do you have a close friend or neighbour you could rely on?

First thing has to be speaking to your doctor. Once you get your medication sorted, everything else will seem easier. Then you can sort your arrears out by asking for a payment plan. Are you on benefits or working? Could you make an appointment with a benefit advisor to check you’re receiving everything you’re entitled to?

Please try to remember that you’re ill, and that you’re not feeling like this because you’re a bad person. Not being able to get out of bed doesn’t mean you don’t love your children. 💐

Get back in touch with gp

Get up, have a shower, go for a walk round the block then set a timer and clear as much of the house as you can before the kids come home.

Worry about the rest later.

If you’re on 40mg escitalopram I’d also speak to the GP about changing meds. That’s a high dose for not feeling lots of benefits.
Sertraline works much better for me than escitalopram.

I tried sertraline years ago and felt utterly bizarre on it! Citalopram has worked for me. But doesn’t seem to be anymore. Feel like I need to be sectioned

I’m scared to ask my ex to keep hold of the children incase it comes back to bite me. I don’t want to lose them. I can’t ask my mum to come round. I don’t want her to see my house like this

Call 111 now if you're feeling that way. Option 2 gets you through to mental health support. Ask the ex if he can keep the kids for a bit longer.

You feel like this because you're poorly. Would you hesitate if you'd broken your leg or had surgery?

Thankyou for all being so kind. Aibu can be brutal!

@Newuser7592 peobably! I don’t want anyone in my home

Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time. If you can do just one thing, feed the kids, pick up one or two things that need putting an away, have a quick wash, you’ll have achieved something. And if you can’t, you can’t, so ask for help.

Do you have a decent relationship with the kids' dad? If he will hold onto the kids for the rest of today, that would be ideal. You won't lose your children from having a little mental wobble.

I think you should get your mum round. You wouldn’t want any of your DC to suffer alone I’m sure. That’s what families are for, to help each other. Let your mum support you.

But they won't be in your home they'd be safe with their dad.

Break it all down.

1 - get the ex to keep the kids for the week
2 - ring 111 mental health line, be honest with them
3 - call your mum round for support.

Please, please ask your mum to help if you think she will. My mum is my absolute saviour when I’m feeling down. And as a mum to a 16 and 23 year old I’d be devastated if they suffered in silence.
As for how you feel…have you seen your GP lately? I take mertazapine which keeps me on an even keel but I also have low B12 which I have jabs for every 12 weeks. I was late for my last one and boy could I feel it. Lethargic, no motivation for anything. I felt like crying all the time. Get yourself checked out and if there’s nothing else wrong you need to get help for your mental health. But please reach out to
someone. Don’t suffer on your own. X

I am sure your Mum would love to help you if you’d let her. Doesn’t matter what state your house is in. She’s your Mum.

Well me and my oldest(20) have just cleared the living room of all Christmas evidence. I’m going to sweep up then mop. Just having a quick coffee break. I don’t like to tell my oldest how I’m feeling as it’s not their stuff to worry about. But they saw me having a cry and actually started to help. They don’t usually!