I’m drowning

[bazzibizz]

I’m sorry to post here but need the trailffic
im a single mum to 3 dc. They’re due home today from their dads. I’ve only just got up. My house is a mess, I’ve got no money. I’m in rent arrears. My anxiety is awful and I’m quite sure I’m depressed. I already take 40mg citalopram.
I just want to get back into bed and stay there. I haven’t seen anyone except my dc for about 2 weeks. It even my mum. I just don’t want to go out or see anyone.
I love my dc with every part of me, but I’m just not up to the job at the moment.
what do I do? How do I get out of this vicious circle?

I’ve had to stop and pump too. Still bf my youngest so it’s quite uncomfortable when I haven’t seen him for a day!

Oh do please get your mum round. Ask for help. She will want to help you and you do need some help.

There is absolutely no shame in that at all.

Do you have any food in the house for the kids ?

Amazing! Well done. Have a little rest now.

Well done of doing what you have today. Get your mum round. I find it so much easier to help tidy someone else’s home rather than my own. You say she is supportive and knows somethings wrong so let her help. Can you motivate to go for a really short walk, even just round the block? For some reason you just don’t regret a short spell in fresh air and it really helps. I know it sounds little and I’m not trying to minimise what you are going through. You have so much on your plate right now

Well done on getting something done, it's not easy. You've already got quite a lot of sympathy and good advice so I won't just say the same, however just wanted to let you know that I know of A LOT of people suffering with anxiety/depression (myself included) who've suffered more than usual this year.

I honestly blame the weather. It's been so rainy, so dark. That makes a big difference. Google the effects of weather on mood. It's ridiculous. But it could go some way to explaining why you're not feeling good, even though your meds usually work for you. Bad weather makes you want to do nothing, eat rubbish and sleep more - none of which is ultimately good for you, and will only make you feel worse.

I held onto this when I was treated for severe depression and found that it worked for me (I took myself off Citalopram as it made me feel sedated). I started very simply with the goal of going for a 60 minute walk and then built on that by then writing down 3 things I wanted to achieve in a day (could be something simple like an hour of cleaning, etc). I understood that if I did my chores quickly first thing in the morning, then I could spend the rest of the day doing whatever I wanted, including nothing. 3 things became 5, then 10, then 15 - and I started feeling good with myself about the stuff that I was getting done.

The problem; How To Activate Yourself
Depression is a vicious circle. It slows you down, mentally and physically. Everything becomes an effort, and you tire easily. You do less, and then blame yourself for doing less. You come to believe that you can do nothing and that you will never get over your depression. Then you feel even more depressed. It becomes even more difficult to do anything. And so it goes on.

Overcoming the problem: activity scheduling;
Becoming more active is one way of breaking the vicious circle. It has a number of advantages.

• Activity makes you feel better. At the very least, it takes your mind off your painful feelings. It can give you the sense that you are taking control of your life again, and achieving something worthwhile. You may even find that there are things you enjoy, once you try them.

• Activity makes you feel less tired. Normally, when you are tired, you need more rest. When you are depressed the opposite is true. You need to do more. Doing nothing will only leave you feeling more lethargic and exhausted. And doing nothing leaves your mind unoccupied, so you are more likely to brood on your difficulties, and to feel even more depressed.

• Activity motivates you to do more. In depression, motivation works backwards. The more you do, the more you feel like doing.

• Activity improves your ability to think. Once you get started, problems which you thought you could do nothing about come into perspective.

on days like this I used to have a checklist:

1. Shower and put on clothes
2. Eat something and have a cup of tea (unless you’re a coffee person)
3. Make the bed
4. Walk round the block

And I treated absolutely everything else as an optional extra. All I wanted to do was lie down and sleep, but I had to finish the checklist. Sometimes I felt better afterwards, but even if I didn’t I felt like I’d kept my life ticking over.

Write a list of everything you need to do and cross each thing off once it's done. This really helps me when Im feeling overwhelmed by everything that needs done and it makes me feel better when I'm crossing things off because I can see how much I have done. Try go outside even for a 10 minute walk, the fresh air will help clear your head. Hope you feel better soon, 3 kids on your own is tough ❤️

You sound exhausted! How different this would be if you had had some help to tidy up yesterday and then treated yourself to a much deserved day in bed today.

I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, just that sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to take the rest we need. Single parenting is exhausting, relentless and thankless. You have 3, one of whom is still breastfeeding.

Youre exhausted. It's just been Christmas which is full on and I'll take a guess you haven't stopped. Next time your DC go to thier Dad's, treat yourself to a guilt free, pressure free day in bad and ask your eldest and mum to help you tidy up - you could all have a takeaway and movie night after or something.

Sending hugs. Frankly it's ridiculous that exhausted women are medicated instead of being given permission to rest.

Take care OP sending 💐🧡

Ask your mum to come around Op.

One day your mum is going to need help and support. You'll be there for her. Just like she's going to jump in and help and support you. This is how it works. She's going to be so relieved to be asked to help in the same way you'll be happy and grateful to help her in times to come. Let her in. And your oldest, you've looked after them for a long time. They're an adult. Let them look after you a little, so you can get back into fighting form.

Please don't worry about your house. They are not built to be tidy. Mine is a mess and I don't even have children and I have been off work for the last two week. No one worth your time will judge you for your house.

Agree with others, it is so hard but please ask for help. If you feel like you need help before the GP tomorrow you can call 111 if it's urgent/emergency or the crisis service in your area. Offloading to someone may help lift some of the weight, it's a lot for you to carry by yourself.
It does sound like you need a medication review too, and a referral to counselling services. Your GP will be able to refer to the CMHT or crisis if needed.
Getting help won't be held against you by services, it shows you're recognising you need support and doing what's best for you and your children.
I hope you get the help you need. x

Hey OP. If you don’t want to tell their dad the truth, I’d say I’ve got a sickness bug. Although there is nothing wrong with having poor mental health. I do. Then use today to try and get back to some semblance of what feels more in control by doing some basics so it’s a bit tidier at least - definitely with your mum’s help. But do tell her the truth.

I hope you are ok. I was on 40mg of citalopram for two years and it destroyed my life I just became numb to everything and felt like I couldn’t move. It was a hard withdrawal but the best thing I done. Go back to your gp and ask for a med review.

Have a look at the Money Helper website. It lists all the debt advice charities that provide free advice (never use one that charges an admin fee).

https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/money-troubles/dealing-with-debt/debt-advice-locator

Is that dad contributing with child support? Are you getting everything you're entitled to?

Is your mum the kind of person who could come and help without judging you?

Sorry to hear you’re going through this, I don’t have any great advice as I’m currently in a similar boat. I’m a single parent (dad has no involvement at all), an autistic DD that kicks off from the minute she wakes up until the minute she goes to sleep and a dog that is in a very disobedient stage of adolescence and honestly I don’t know what to do. I usually make myself feel better by going on a forest walk every morning followed by an hour in the gym but the last week I haven’t even managed to do that when I haven’t got DD (when she’s at school), I’ve just been going back to bed and sleeping all day which is not like me at all. Sending hugs xx

Take it one step at a time
Get up, have a bath, ring your mum and tell her you need help.
Tomorrow ring your landlord/council/housing association, they will help you with your arrears.
Some council have hardship funds, Google your local council and see if they can help you at all

Won’t your mum help you with housework and organisation if she sees your house? Or will she judge you? If she won’t judge you, I’m sure she can help you sort some areas out that need it the most. Or help you sort some laundry for the kids etc.

a really lovely and knowledgable GP called Dr A on TikTok explained that there is an antidepressant that works much more effectively than citalopram.
It’s called Escitalopram - might be worth asking your GP about it.

Can you tell the ex you’re full of cold/think you have a migraine coming on? Tell him it’s help if he could keep the kids tonight and drop them at school tomorrow?

I know myself that no amount comments on here saying go for a walk/just have a shower/text your mum/ring your gP will help in all honesty.

sometimes I just have to wait for something in my brain to click, and the motivation comes back.

give yourself permission to be kind to yourself, do the bare minimum, do whatever gets you through - go back to bed if ex can look after kids.

if kids come home, just focus on bare minimum. Everybody fed (beans on toast?) and everybody in front of the tv, sofa time til you can get them into bed.

tomorrow, when they’re at school resolve to do just one thing to get you back on track. Pots, or similar.

sometimes if I put one put in front of the other, pull myself through the sludge, it sort of gets me going on the right track. the motivation slowly starts drip drip dripping back.

Well done for getting going on the house with your eldest.

You need to prioritise your rent arrears tomorrow. Get in touch with CAB or a debt advice charity. Your landlord would rather have a repayment plan than the expense of finding a new tenant, so please do face up to this as they are likely to be receptive to you taking action. Take your mum with you if you need the support to face this.

My eldest has been brilliant today. Still going, too! He said ‘I live here too so I should help out’. Bless him.
my living room looks brilliant now and I’ve started scrubbing the kitchen! I feel so much better. I’m so glad I posted here. You’ve all been wonderful xx

My landlord hasn’t noticed that I’m in arrears. I’ll pay it most months but I’ve missed about 4 or 5 rents-not in a row. I’m reluctant to flag it up to them.