I’m drowning

[bazzibizz]

I’m sorry to post here but need the trailffic
im a single mum to 3 dc. They’re due home today from their dads. I’ve only just got up. My house is a mess, I’ve got no money. I’m in rent arrears. My anxiety is awful and I’m quite sure I’m depressed. I already take 40mg citalopram.
I just want to get back into bed and stay there. I haven’t seen anyone except my dc for about 2 weeks. It even my mum. I just don’t want to go out or see anyone.
I love my dc with every part of me, but I’m just not up to the job at the moment.
what do I do? How do I get out of this vicious circle?

I’m so pleased you’re feeling better. I don’t wish to teach my grandmother how to suck eggs but here goes. Your moving about released your endorphins ( feel good hormone)
If you’re interested here’s an article explaining it.
Btw, your medication needs upping.https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/exercise

Aaaaw, bless you, sending you a big hug.
Look what you have achieved today, and you have clearly raised a wonderful son. Try and focus on the positives, get fresh air, keep hydrated and eat healthy.

@DancingDolly

Your post has practical advice, thankyou for your positivity.

With reference to the rent situation - I wonder if your anxiety is rising loads because you are just waiting for a knock at the door, for your LL to contact you...I've lived like that and it's awful. When I used to struggle with the rent, I would pay whatever I could and then I'd write my LL a postal letter explaining the situation. I found a letter better than an email, because I wasn't scared to open my emails after it was sent. He was always ok with me as long as I let him know. I do think it would take a weight off your mind if you spoke to your LL - it certainly can't do any harm.

I'm so glad to hear your update ,what a lovely son you have , keep going ,having a cosy clean home will make you feel so much better.

Wow that's amazing! Well done !

What a good son you have as well .

Step away from shame, guilt, embarrassment.

You're not well. You're ill and you need support.

Be open and honest with your mum and your adult child/ren.

Explain how unwell you are and make it clear you need their help.

Would your ex really be a problem? Could you be open there about your situation?

Phone the doctor tomorrow - you may be able to get a medication review.

Start with self care.

You're worth it.

A quick shower, hair wash, deodorant and lipstick.

Comfy clothes you can move in.

Collect up the rubbish and empty the bins.

Get your DC to make sure children's beds are made.

That'll do for today.

Tomorrow - shower etc as today.

Doctor appointment.

Squirt Mr muscle etc round the bathroom and change the towels

Next day - shower etc

Chuck any out of date food and squirt clean the kitchen surfaces.

Get the adult DC to do a food shop.

Next day - shower etc

Vacuum sitting room, tidy cushions and put things away.

One thing a day, keeping up your self care so you feel nice.

I am so pleased to read your updates🤗

I read your post when you had about 6 replies. I felt so bad for you and really identified with the horrible thoughts and feelings you were experiencing. I wanted to reply but didn't, I think because it felt like it brought up a lot for me and maybe also because I felt hypocritical giving advice I am not sure I can abide by!

I came back to offer my solidarity plus virtual tea and cake, and here I see you have achieved so much! Am so happy for you, this is excellent news

I highly recommend the book How To Keep House While Drowning. It's a game changer for many struggling with mental health.

Also, prioritize lounge, kitchen and loo every day and then set one room per day to work on outside of that. You can do this. Small steps. Even 20 minute timer with a cuppa after as a reward. Get your kids involved.

Speak to council about rent. There's also a Christian debt group that have helped many too.

Can you also get some blood tests to see ensure everything is ok? In particular vitamin D. Can you drag yourself out of bed to shower, do a little walk, YouTube excercise?

I bought myself a Lumie Vitamin D lamp and it is definitely helping.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Lumie-Vitamin-Light-Effective-Therapy/dp/B073P2WNDS/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?crid=T7PU5QEDK46Z&keywords=lumie+vitamin+l+sad+light&qid=1704651862&sprefix=lumie+vita%2Caps%2C79&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1

As a mum of someone who is struggling like you, I would love a phone call. I’d come round and give you a hug, sort your tea and do a bit of a clean up. Call your mum, then call your GP as soon as you can. You’ve done amazingly well to get out of bed today, so take that as a win x

Not the most helpful response…

Sweetheart, with kindness maybe this is exactly what your mum needs to see. You desperately need her support, reach out to your mum xx

Just popping on to say I felt incredibly down after I night weaned my DD a few weeks ago, just in case you've been breastfeeding less ❤️ I'm dreading fully weaning!!! Glad your eldest chipped in, what a lovely lad he sounds! 😊

Its too much to handle without help - you need to reach out as soon as you can. See the GP as soon as possible and explain you are struggling despite the ADs. When you see the GP, ask for a referral to the food bank. They often have benefits people there who can help with financial problems. I hope all of that can give you some relief. I know it is hard to take that first step but am hoping you can find the energy for it.

Thanks so much for all the replies. I’ve treated myself to a glass of wine.
smaller person won’t be weaning any time soon I don’t think. He’s very much boob orientatated, which is lovely.
I’ve spoken to my mum. She was pleased to hear we’d started on a cleaning/tidying spree. Hopefully I’ll see her tomorrow or the next day.

Well done to you both on the cleaning that’s a great start, definitely get your arrears sorted even if it means paying it of little by little is it a private landlord? You will feel so much better once an agreement has been made I know I’ve been there. Good luck

I'm a single parent to two and it's bloody hard! I feel like one child is manageable, two - only just, and three is practically impossible without help. I know the drowning feeling very well. I find exercise helps me no end and as long as get that, everything else seems much more manageable and I can just about keep on top of it. I see it as a prescription and it's essential that I take it - whatever it takes. As long as I get that, I can just about cope.. just.

Thinking of you, OP. Sending a hug and handhold. Xxx

Another one sending a hand hold xx keep going! This may be partly the January / winter blues. I always feel better when spring arrrives .

My DD and I are both on this one ( different MG) it has been amazing for us both.

Sounds like something has moved and that's good. For support with the rent arrears try calling the Gingerbread helpline for single parents. They were fantastic when I got through to them (I just kept dialling every 5 minutes)
https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/

I thought citalopram and escitalopram were the same thing? Will google and check it out. Thanks

Difference between the two…

You’ve done so well @bazzibizz, you should feel really proud of yourself