I’m drowning

[bazzibizz]

I’m sorry to post here but need the trailffic
im a single mum to 3 dc. They’re due home today from their dads. I’ve only just got up. My house is a mess, I’ve got no money. I’m in rent arrears. My anxiety is awful and I’m quite sure I’m depressed. I already take 40mg citalopram.
I just want to get back into bed and stay there. I haven’t seen anyone except my dc for about 2 weeks. It even my mum. I just don’t want to go out or see anyone.
I love my dc with every part of me, but I’m just not up to the job at the moment.
what do I do? How do I get out of this vicious circle?

Tell the ex you have Covid and can he keep the kids an extra week. No court will hold such a request against you. Even if he refuses you have lost nothing. Secondly, get your mum around. She will want to help, trust me.

What a sweet, lovely boy you have there. A real credit to you!

Aw, well done you & eldest! Is 20yo one of the "kids" or do you have two in between him and 2yr old? What's 20yo up to in life now, is he able to help out with rent or still studying?
January is a bit like that generally. Do ask your mum to help with something. She really won't mind. Perhaps she'd enjoy a day out with 2 yr old while any middling age are in school so you can work on sorting out other stuff. Or just have her round and enjoy her company and potter together.

You’ve achieved lots today. You have managed to get your thoughts together and express them here and that is a huge step. Everyone has given lots of good advice about your health and rent issues. Just take a step at a time and be kind to yourself. You’re not well….if you had flu you wouldn’t be beating yourself up about dishes and housework. While you are feeling like this every single little task that you do is a win.

I really hope that you feel a little better even just reading all the supportive messages here. Hopefully over the next wee while you can manage to see your GP and start to feel a lot better. Look after yourself. Xx

I'm not doing too well today op. I'd ring your mum (mine passed decades ago). However she would never have wanted me to feel desperate. When we have children we have to try. I have a very messy house but as I am quite ill at the moment I don't care as long as I get some help. Those who judge are not worth your headspace.
I'm trying to book a dog walker or I'll need to rehome my dog which I couldn't bare. I recommend strong tea and a bit of music. Or a feel good movie later.
Talk to shelter tomorrow. Or if you have one in your area The Richmond fellowship. They help people with MH issues.

Is it possible your landlord has noticed and they are already silently monitoring the situation to see if you miss further payments?

This. I tried citalopram and it didn't work for me. Definitely worth asking your gp for a switch to escitalopram

Sounds tough OP. I would prioritise your rent arrears first. I know you’ve said you don’t think the land lord has picked up on it yet, but no doubt they will do at some point, and it’s far better for you to raise the issue first, then wait anxiously waiting for them to flag it. It will show that you want to be proactive, and are acknowledging the arrears. Ask whether you can just pay off the arrears bit by bit, if you can afford it. I think keeping a roof over your heads is the most important issue at the moment.

If you get housing benefit or the housing element of UC, apply for a Discretionary Housing Payment for your rent arrears. You apply to your local council. There will be info in their website about how to apply.

Hope you feel better soon, OP.

Please deal with this and don’t bury you head in the sand although that’s tempting. It’s not at a stage where it’s just too late to deal with it and keep your home. Why are you in arrears - is it a housing benefit issue. If so, this can be resolved. If not, then you can reach a repayment plan but it’s vital that you deal with it as soon as you can.

I'm sorry op! Sounds awful for you

Shower, go outside, place of nature/park if possible, feel the energy that you get from this and put it into tidying and reducing clutter.

Try and do two short sessions of mindfulness/meditation every day.

https://twominutebooks.com/loving-what-is-summary/

https://archive.org/details/the-nature-of-personal-reality

https://archive.org/details/innerguidemedita00stei

https://www.bing.com/search?q=the+power+of+intention+wayne+dyer&PC=U316&FORM=CHROMN

pray!

Ring your Mum up and tell her you are feeling depressed. Can she offer any immediate support to you? Have a shower as an earlier poster said. Get dressed. Look for some food in your fridge, cupboards. Feed your DC. Make an appointment to go back to your GP. Tell the receptionist it's urgent. If you have to have a higher dose so be it. Ask for counselling too. Prioritise paying your rent. Do it as soon as you get money, everything else can wait behind the rent, then food, then council tax. Utilities and credit cards come last.

A good list, just add 'feed the kids' too. It's good your 20 year old is showing support too. Ask your Mum to help you too. She will be worrying about you not visiting since Xmas day. Could she come and help you do some laundry or go for a short walk with you. Fresh air is so beneficial to well being.

I'm a LL. Trust me your LL will have noticed. They were probably being nice because lots of people fall behind in December due to Xmas. I'd just contact them to say you've been unwell but are trying to sort your finances out and will catch up the shortfall a bit each month. That's what I suggested to a tenant who fell behind. I told them just add £25 each month to your rent and catch the month shortfall up over time.

Well done luv 💐

You have to sort your rent arrears out and come into a payment plan. What’s the value of the arrears?

Is it a private landlord.

I just wanted to reach out in support and say that I know how you feel and you are not alone in feeling this way.
One thing at a time is how I cope - small steps.

What is reason for the rent arrears ? Any kind of of financial probs or housing worries can seriously affect your mental health.

You poor love, please get back to see your GP as soon as possible. Please remember that depression and anxiety is an illness and nothing to be ashamed of. I expect your mum is worried about you and wants to help so don't keep her away. You've done so well making a start on clearing the mess, be kind to yourself. Get the kids to bed early and have a nice soak in the bath and try and have a relaxing evening x

My littlest is back now(my boobs were very happy to see him!) so I’m cooking tea. When he goes to bed, me and oldest will be having cheese and crackers and watch a film

Sending a massive virtual hug. And I'm chunky, so I give THE best hugs

That sounds like a lovely little treat. And in life, treats are hugely important

Definitely get appointment to see GP . You have done really well today. Am glad 20 year old has been helpful.
Please call your Mum . She will be worrying about you . Sending hugs💐