Do all males think like this ffs

[Princessbananahamock]

Met up with old school friend male for a catch up it’s been years. Only for a couple of hours. I left saying when it’s warmer I may pop out again. A perfectly non commitment comment. Roll on a week multiple messages “been thinking of you all week x, fancy meeting up next Saturday or sooner if you can’t wait”
I am actually angry at his presumption that he assumes I’m interested in him in a romantic way! Seriously what goes through their minds. Oh she’s single (separated) she must be in need of a man. My attentions must be what she’s dying to hear. There were more statements but you get the gist. I was not flattered either.
Perhaps he sent those messages after a few drinks but still unacceptable. The whole experience reminded me of the character Mr Collins from Pride and Prejudice.
I don’t think I shall ever be meeting up again!

He’s chancing his hand. Not all men are like that no.

Just tell him you're not interested in him romantically.
You're right though, in that he shouldn't have assumed you were!

It’s probably wishful thinking rather than him assuming you’re instantly interested. Suspect drink was involved in the gushy messages also.

Would you have been ok with it if you had been interested in him I wonder?

Tell him he must have misunderstood the type of interest you have in his company, despite your best efforts to not give that impression at all. Then block him.

you are right though. It’s classic entitled behaviour. Confidence like that only comes from entitlement.

If she had been interested in him she would have indicated that to him. And there would be no mumsnet post about it. You are totally missing her point. And indulging the classic mysoganistic behaviour of assuming it’s fine to treat women like something to be targeted regardless of the body language and vibe given off.

Just to add, no woman should be disrespected with relentless, unasked for attention from a man. Unfortunately society has trained women to think it’s normal and even desirable to be relentlessly pursued by a man. When it’s actually creepy and disrespectful.

And can you imagine a woman sending messages like that to a male friend?
No, because most of us have the emotional intelligence to suss him out first.

Some men think that meeting up with them after many years of not seeing them indicates interest. All you can do is make things clear.

Maybe he had a thing for you and thought you meeting up meant you felt the same way. I would just explain that you don't see him that way

Just tell him you’re not interested in that way but would love to meet up (if you would) as friends when you have more time. He’s asking, answer.

Overreaction?

You have to assume he likes you, could have maybe done for quite a while. He isnt assuming anything about you, he's showing his cards and making sure you know how he feels so that if you want more, you know its available.

Isn't it nice to be liked? It sounds like he's been polite about it if a bit gushy but maybe he really likes you.

It's a bit overly keen but it's not a horrible or creepy message. He's obviously got his wires crossed and maybe fancies you a bit - hardly a crime! It's how he reacts when you clearly and politely tell him that matters.

So it would be ok for her to indicate she was interested but it’s not ok for him to indicate it.

Meh, I can see this also happening the other way round - I don't think it's a "male" thing, just a "I fancy this person, let's see if they're interested too" thing.

Unfortunately for him, you don't want to pursue anything romantic, but I think his message was perfectly reasonable - something lighthearted and trying to get a measure of how you felt about him.

I genuinely feel a bit sorry for blokes sometimes, there's generally an expectation that they'll make the first move/ask the woman out on a date/test the grounds and there's a high chance they'll get rebuffed (or accused of being a misogynistic asshole) then expected to pick themselves up and try again. And then people make fun of guys for not asking out women too, being called unmanly etc.

Just let him know you're only interested in friendship and see where it goes from there.

Indicate yes but relentlessly message, no

He fancies you, you don't, I wouldn't be angry about it

YANBU. They lack communication skills. They don’t test the water or wait for appropriate signals - they just go straight in with the kisses on texts etc etc. I’ve actually lost count of the number of men who have done things like this to me or, sadly, much worse - groping, kissing me on the mouth out of the blue, sending sexual texts - when I quite genuinely have given them no come on at all. There was one guy I was talking to about something as inane as party balloons and he just reached and grabbed my breasts. No, I didn’t report it. There’s no witness. Fucking sick of it. Why can’t he just send you one more neutrally worded message - ‘was great to catch up with you! If you’d like to meet up again in a week or so let me know.’ Then there’s no risk of rejection, embarrassment, pressuring you etc etc.

Maybe meeting up after years not seeing each other was interpreted by him as 'interest'? Just a thought.

They just can't win can they. Poor bloke misread the signals and thought there was something there, maybe overplayed it a bit with the multiple messages but a simple response 'sorry I'm not interested romantically' would've sufficed. I certainly wouldn't interpret it as a sign of male entitlement, just a single man meeting up with a single woman and thinking 'maybe there's sonething there I'll see if she wants to meet up again' 🤷‍♀️

Is it the advent of dating apps that's made this approach so unacceptable? Like a man can only approach a woman if they've both mutually swiped on a superficial profile beforehand? I've been in a relationship for almost 14 years now so I guess maybe I'm more familiar with the 'old fashioned' approach where you take a chance with a friend/acquaintance/stranger and see what happens.

The thing is though, there are constantly threads on here from women saying “I really like this man and he seems to enjoy my company, but how do I know if he’s interested? I think we have a rapport but he hasn’t asked me out, so I don’t know if he likes me that way”. Clearly, neither men nor women invariably make it clear if they’re romantically interested in someone.

Oh, and whenever women post about having a crush on a man, they always get a 50-50 mix of replies from people saying either “Just ask him out, he probably really likes you but just doesn’t want to say anything” or “He doesn’t fancy you, if he wanted a date he would have asked you out by now.”

It would be simpler to believe that women make it clear when they’re interested and that men somehow magically pick up on it, but it’s simply not true. Everyone is different. It is not anything like as black and white as you seem to believe.

The man in this case got it wrong, clearly. But I don’t think a single man asking a single woman out is really that big a deal. Provided he accepts that her answer is ‘no’ and then leaves her alone, it’s fair enough for him to have taken the leap and asked.

Who initiated the meet up? You or him?

Unless you made it very clear during that 2 hours or before hand that you weren't interested in dating at the moment then YABU, because you're single, he's single, and you agreed to meet up with him, so it's a fair assumption to make that perhaps it could turn into more than friends.

If men don't make a move then they'd never get with anyone. They have to take the risks.

This!!

So many entitled responders on here with no idea how much harder getting a first date is for men.

Not all men are like that but I do think the majority are yes. DH and I went through an awful rough patch and were considering breaking up. I have quite a few male friends, 2 propositioned me, one was single. That was a hit rate of 50% .I will be honest it really upset me.