Wedding Dress shopping

[HannahRose23]

Just to give some background, my brother never organises anything for my parents I organise everything, presents wise from start to finish, with not so much of a thank you and on occasions I even pay for his half of the gift. I should make it clear he has a v well paying job so money is not the issue for him. In December I organised our parents birthday and Christmas presents and even organised to buy his new gf (of 12 weeks) a little £30 present. Come Xmas day, he hadn’t bothered to get my finance a present at all. Which really upset me at the time.

Now on a weekend that I’ve had in the diary for me and my mum to do my wedding dress shopping for the weekend he decides it’s the weekend my parents can finally meet his new gf so all plans have now changed to go for dinner with them. AIBU for being incredibly upset by all of this?

Stop all this present buying for him immediately, along with anything else you’re doing for him.

Surely neither having dinner or wedding dress shopping take an entire weekend, can’t they do both?

A couple of things spring to mind here

1. Do you all live in close enough proximity to have dinner after the wedding dress shopping? One is a day time activity and the other an evening event.

1. If they both can't be done the same weekend and your mother already has the dress shopping in her diary then it's up to her to say no to the dinner as she is already busy. (I have no idea if my sibling knew of the date I'd arranged to go wedding dress shopping with my mother)

Stop helping him buy presents.

its not your brothers fault your mum cancelled you - she should have told him no, she wasn’t free.

I have no idea why you’re buying gifts on his behalf.

surely wedding dress shopping can be done in the daytime. Dinner in the evening?

We’ve booked a number of different appointments over the weekend, like a girly weekend of it, going to MOB and bridal shops and we’ve booked the hotel for 3 days.

Its in London, which is where he lives.

Surely your Mum just says she is already busy that weekend?

She hasn’t she’s said she’s free. And when I’ve queried this and said it was suppose to be a weekend for us we’ve had the date in the diary and the hotels book I’m told I’m unreasonable

Why on earth hasn’t your mum said she’s already busy that weekend? Or why can’t you do bridal shopping in the daytime, and one of the evenings you have a dinner meeting the GF? Surely it’s not a one or the other thing? Both can be done at the weekend.

Can’t you go wedding dress shopping during the day and meet your brother for dinner one of the evenings? Hopefully he will be paying for it! That way you’ll be able to see your dad and your brother and meet his new partner. Sounds like it would make the weekend more fun.

Stop buying presents from him though. Just buy your own present and sign it from you.

So what’s going on here? She knows you’d booked hotels and expects you to cancel them?

or she’s taking one evening out of your 3 day city stay to go meet the girlfriend?

It’s one day out of the weekend. And maybe I am being unreasonable, but she’s been asking to meet this girlfriend for months and it happens to be this one weekend he’s finally said yes

That's on your mum then.

She has chosen.

And stop doing all the gift organising. You chose to buy his gf a present that cost £30 no one forced you.

Cancel her hotel room

I voted YABU because you're buying gifts for a grown man to give to others and doing his thinking for him. Have you always been expected to worship the ground your brother walks on?

Time to stop.

What a bitch.

Take a friend? Go without her and don't involve her in any dress discussions. She sees it the day of, same as everyone else.

I’m absolutely not cross about the gift for his girlfriend I would do that again, no one did force me. But I can at the same time feel hurt he didn’t buy my partner of 6 years a present

It’s one day out of the weekend I can see why your mum would think that’s a good way to do it - you aren’t going to be dress shopping every waking hour (trust me you’ll get bored!) and meeting the girlfriend for dinner sounds like a perfect break from dresses to me!

I’ve ultimately done it for my parents as I don’t want them to miss out for his selfish behaviour but

You can but it sounds like he is generally shit at presents.

Cancel the gift buying on behalf of your DB and tell him this is the situation going forward.

It sounds like your DM is so desperate to meet the new gf that she’s agreed to without thinking about what the bridal shopping trip means to you. You can either take one evening out of the trip to meet them or speak to your DM again, although tbh 3 nights away for bridal shopping is a lot and maybe your DM welcomes the distraction of meeting others.

Stop doing the wife work for your brother.

Is your mum able to do both dinner and shopping on the same weekend?

If yes then your being daft one night with your brother isn't a bad thing. But if it's one or other take a friend instead

I think this is on you.

Yoir parents don’t ‘miss out’ if he doesn’t buy them gifts they can change their own expectations in buying him gifts.

Are you saying you booked 3 nights in a London hotel to go shopping and your brother lives near - so you are also going to dinner with the new girlfriend?

Or are you saying your mums not going because she has arranged this dinner?

Just stop.

Your brother and parents think normal family activities are beyond him, why feed into such crap?

When I say 3 days for bridal shopping, we absolutely don’t expect to spend 3 days purely shopping but I’m not having a hen do as it’s a v small intimate wedding so it was a combination of both.

If I'm understanding this right, your brother and his girlfriend live in London, you and your Mum don't, but will be there for 3 days next weekend.

Your Mum has agreed to a dinner with your bother and girlfriend while you're there. Is that right?

If so I think you're being a bit unreasonable. I assume the time of the dinner doesn't clash with any of the dress appointments? Did you already have a dinner booked for yourselves that day?

Either way if there's any fault it's your Mum for accepting the invitation, not your Brother for offering it. Stop buying bloody presents for him though!