18 yr old new drivers/ long distance

[Jennyjojo5]

My son and a group of 18 yr olds are planning to drive long distance (2.5/3 hours) this evening, for an event tomorrow.

the problem is that the two boys driving have only recently passed their test and I’m
very nervous about my 18 yr old getting in the car with them for this long journey, in the dark, along the motorway, when they are such inexperienced drivers, with a car full of their friends.

I’ve never been a particularly strict mum and never wrapped my kids in cotton wool but I’m genuinely very worried about letting him do this. They are all good kids but they are inexperienced drivers; one of them being a bit of a show off in general and can be a bit ‘silly’ (still a good kid, just immature).

AIBU if I tell him he can’t go? I’m so worried about the risk of the driving. Just to add, that although he would be upset with me, he would do as I told him to do (he’s a very nice young boy and we have an extremely close relationship). But at the same time I know I’ll feel guilt from stopping him going,

I’d like to hear the perspectives from other parents whose kids are the same age please.

I totally understand how you feel.

But he's 18. You can't tell him what to do.

He’s 18

I would be very worried about that.

I understand how you feel but he is as grown man. Whether or not he goes is not your decision and so you can’t stop him from going.

Although 18 is legally a grown man, he’s only just just turned 18 (and a young one at that) But I’m not arguing that; he won’t go if I tell him I’m worried about it because we have a super close relationship. It’s more about whether I’m being unreasonable in saying I don’t think it’s a good idea.

hes totally free in day to day life to do what he wants, when he wants;I don’t put any restrictions on him tbf. But this time I’m just very uncomfortable about it but also have a feeling of guilt

I would let him go for sure 100% so you don’t feel guilty about not letting him go but in my head I’d be praying they get there safe and ask him to call you when they get there so you don’t have to worry any longer :) I totally get you and it’s normal to be scared for your children’s safety , you’re a caring mum and he’s so lucky ! Tell him before he goes that please promise you’ll be safe and drive carefully and trust me he will do just that because he’ll remember your words and just hint that you’re a little worried about what you said to us and if he’s a good kid he will understand and in return he’ll make sure to call you asap when they get there and he’ll be happy that you care so much ! And he will do everything to make sure you don’t worry for too long time . He might even stop at petrol station for a snack and tell you his half way there :) and that he’s okay !

Plenty of recent news articles recently where cars full of teenagers have been involved in accidents resulting in fatalities. Maybe Google some of them and have a discussion about your concerns with him then let him make an informed decision.

Thank you but he’s not the one driving, it’s his newly qualified friends who are doing the driving.

we’ve just discussed it now and are looking at trains now instead. He isn’t making a fuss about it and he says he understands where I’m coming from. My elder son, 23, also said he’d be worried about him getting in the car at night for such a long drive with his newly qualified friends, so that helped :-) so looks like we’ve found a compromise that we are all ok with

I would not be happy about this. Too much risk of distraction with a group in the car together, unfamiliar roads and driving in the dark. It's for this reason that many insurers restrict young drivers from driving with passengers and late at night.

Yes these accidents are the exact reason why I’m worried. It’s ‘funny’ really cos I’m not worried when he goes out clubbing or drinking or whatever but getting in a car for a long journey with inexperienced drivers, even more so at night, makes me very worried

Make sure he understands not to distract the driver and that if he feels unsafe not to get back in the car.

@SilverGlitterBaubles thank you for understanding :-)

Well, they can never become experienced if they never try it, can they? I understand your concern, but even if you stop it today, it'll come up again eventually. And it's just one risk of many that you are focusing on here. They have to go out in the world.

A 2.5 to 3 hours journey isn't excessively long, presuming it's one way only/ the whole journey. And motorways are the safest roads to drive on

My brother passed his driving test at 17 when our parents were away on holiday abroad- this meant he had free access to the car for a couple of weeks. He was never the most careful person, but he survived, despite their fears.

Just make sure he wears a seatbelt - some years back I knew a 17 year old killed during a short lift home from school in a car driven by his friend. He went through the windscreen. The other 3 occupants survived unscathed.

No I wouldn’t like this at all, way too much for a young inexperienced driver to take a car full of teenagers on motorway in dark. Train would be the only option!

@Jennyjojo5 yay I’m so happy for you that you’re son is such a good and loving son that he knows when you’re worried and he will change things around just for you because he loves you so much and he doesn’t want you to worry ! He knows as long as he gets there , it’s not a big deal , train or bus - no problem . He will still get there :) glad he understand ! 💕🤝🫶

Train is a good idea.

Train is better for sure x

@Jennyjojo5 I think the cars involved are often small hatchbacks too which will handle completely differently with 4 or 5 teenagers in compared to the 2 adults that they will have learned to drive with. Also these small cars rarely fare well in a collision.
You are right to be worried.

Thank you so much! Unfortunately, his friends now are having a right go at him about not going In the car with them 🙄

@ohtowinthelottery yes both cars are small Vauxhall corsas

@Onelifeonly they can become experienced with time just doing city driving and short motorway driving , the first one doesn’t have to be 3 hours long for inexperienced driver , but over time , he will become quite experienced and he won’t have any fears about motorway anymore :)

I think a train is far more sensible, I also wonder about car insurance, are the two young drivers on the policy?

This would be a no from me (yes he's 18 etc etc but I would be advising him very strongly not to go), My ds1 is 18 and a fairly new driver. Where we are, motorway lessons are compulsory. He's also driven the family on the motorway in the family car (after passing his test). We're fine with him taking friends on short runs (drop them at the station etc after being at ours), but he wouldn't be doing this.

@whowhatwerewhy yes the two boys doing the driving (in their own cars) and so are both insured on their own cars etc

@ShoesoftheWorld thank you, yes one of the boys only passed his test 2 weeks ago and I know hasn’t been on a motorway yet, let alone at night and with a car full of his mates