18 yr old new drivers/ long distance

[Jennyjojo5]

My son and a group of 18 yr olds are planning to drive long distance (2.5/3 hours) this evening, for an event tomorrow.

the problem is that the two boys driving have only recently passed their test and I’m
very nervous about my 18 yr old getting in the car with them for this long journey, in the dark, along the motorway, when they are such inexperienced drivers, with a car full of their friends.

I’ve never been a particularly strict mum and never wrapped my kids in cotton wool but I’m genuinely very worried about letting him do this. They are all good kids but they are inexperienced drivers; one of them being a bit of a show off in general and can be a bit ‘silly’ (still a good kid, just immature).

AIBU if I tell him he can’t go? I’m so worried about the risk of the driving. Just to add, that although he would be upset with me, he would do as I told him to do (he’s a very nice young boy and we have an extremely close relationship). But at the same time I know I’ll feel guilt from stopping him going,

I’d like to hear the perspectives from other parents whose kids are the same age please.

I let me son drive about 200 miles to a holiday activity when he was just 18 with his sister (16) in the car.
We agreed the route and scheduled in several stops for rest and contacting me to let me know they’re safe. DD acted as navigator.
Cant say it was easy to let them go. If they coped admirably and felt a sense of achievement in being independent.

Thanks for clarifying the insurance, I misread and thought it was two drivers and one car 🤦‍♀️ .
I would definitely be looking at a train the two drivers might try to keep up with each other or even race / show off.

I agree to some extent but I just don’t want my son in the car being part of that first ever experience, on a long journey, in the dark! They can learn and get experienced themselves, they don’t need a car full of other kids to do that

@Jennyjojo5 why are his friends having a go at someone who is trying to be safe and responsible ? Who cares if he goes on train or in the car , he will still be there at the end of the day and meet the friends at the place at the right time ! But I do know what teenagers are like , they wanna mess around in the car and have maybe few little drinks ? And have a laugh before they even get there . It’s a bit like pre drinking when you go out clubbing to get in the mood . But oh well , they will get over it ! It’s not like your son said he’s not going at all ! So what’s the problem ! 🫡 tell your son to tell his friends , he will meet the friends there and full stop . No more arguing! Well done to your son 🙏🏻👍👏🏾

Yes I understand and I’d let him do the same with his brother but just not at night time. I kind of trust him more if he was doing the driving (probably naive!); it’s harder to trust other 18 yr olds when they are the ones driving, even more so when one of them only passed 2 weeks ago x

@whowhatwerewhy exactly.. my son said the other day how one of the boys tried to race the other one at the traffic lights the other day..

@Jennyjojo5 yep , you are right to be worried now that you have given more details , friends racing , specially being new drivers ! So yes ! Don’t let your son go with them for safely reasons , if the other teenager want to go , then that’s on their parents to educate them . As long as your son is safe that’s all it matters to you ! X

Personally I think this should not be allowed. New drivers should be made to have lessons on motorway and experience driving at night before being let loose with a load of teenagers in back. I actually cannot understand any parent who thinks this is a good idea. 2.5 hours is crazy amount to drive on motorway when you have just passed test. One small error could be fatal, very different from taking your test around a town doing 30/40 mph!

thank you and totally agree!

My son is 18 and a lot of his friends drive him places in a group. I don’t know how carefully they drive or when they passed their tests but they are all adults. I try to expect the best of people rather than the worst, I hope I DS would speak up if he thought they were driving badly, he knows he has his independence but can call me in an emergency/if he was stranded etc. He tells me his friends are all better drivers than me!!!

I would describe myself as a pretty easy going parent but this is one of the things I strongly discourage.

Inexperienced drivers carrying peer passengers at night is really high risk (distraction, showing off, driving too fast on windy, unlit roads).

There's too many news reports of fatal car accidents involving groups of teens.

I would have done everything possible to prevent my 18 year olds doing this as newly qualified drivers and cars full of friends at night, probably all excited, is a recipe for bad news. I am still so sad just thinking about those lovely boys in Wales last month.

I agree that I wouldn't want my son being driven in these circumstances a 2-3 hour drive, in the dark, on a motorway with the drivers not having experience.

We had the boot of our car completely stoved in by a 17 year old, who had only passed her test 2 weeks previously, while it was parked, during broad daylight, in a supermarket car park. We had parked the car in an area out of the busy part of the carpark. Loads of parking spaces either side of our car - and she drove straight into the back of our car. Said her 'foot had slipped'. My feeling was that she was just blase about it and misjudged. She had to be driving too fast at that point, in any case, going by the damage to our car!!. New drivers need to have plenty 'local' practice before doing the kind of journey being suggested.

@CrapBucket There was an accident not far from me last year involving a car full of teenagers in which 1 of them died and the others seriously injured. They were all apparently telling the driver to slow down!

@ImperialCrusade thank you, yes im normally a very relaxed parent with the majority of things and I know that all parents have different priorities on things eg I wasn’t very worried about strict bedtimes but I was very strict about them eating properly when they were kids. Another example is that one of the boys driving tonight, his parents won’t let him or his older brother have their gfs to sleep over their house (that’s never worried me) but don’t mind him driving tonight, so I totally get that parents often have different boundaries one what they think is acceptable.

Totally, I feel the same! That Wales case really upset me and stuck with me. Such a tragic tragic accident.

@Jennyjojo5 yes all parents have different views on what’s dangerous to their children and what isnt . And I think if it comes to anything to do with life and death situation , I’d be very worried too ! Like the driving situation you asked us about , anything to do with health and safety for the child and the child being at risk to something that could be avoided is a big worry ! 🫶👍 you’re son is so lucky to have you and a mum who truly cares for his well being ! Not everyone is like this .

I'd be terrified but as others have said... you don't really have a say in it ☹️ let's just hope they're sensible

Motorways are the safest roads to drive on and the roads will presumably not be that busy later on. They'll be safer doing that than driving around town during the daytime.

As long as they can be trusted to be sensible and allow the driver to concentrate, I wouldn't have that much of a problem with it.

You want to stop a legal adult from going on a drive with a legal driver?

Utter madness.

@Stompythedinosaur yes she does and so what ? The driver is brand new just passed and most of the accidents happen with new drivers ! So why put her son at risk when he can just take a train and let the other friends go by car themselves ? Only because the new driver (friend) is legal driver doesn’t mean he’s a safe driver when he’s never been on motorway before or done long driving before . ✋ why risk it ? When you don’t have to .

I disagree that driving on a motorway for the first time ever, at 70mph, in the dark, with a car full of excitable kids, would have a less catastrophic impact in an accident than 30mph around the local town.

If it was only one other friend, I'd be ok with it. But a car full of young lads, with very very inexperienced drivers, on a motorway at night....I would not be happy, no. I say this as someone whose DD was doing long-ish, cross-country drives solo, pretty much as soon as she passed my test (and they wonder why I drink).

That’s ok as I’m sure there are other things you have allowed/not allowed with your kids (assuming you have kids) that I would have thought was madness myself :-)

Off the top of my head I can think of several fatal accidents during my teenage time that involved friends/ acquaintances driving groups of friends late at night.

My brother also had an accident in similar circumstances but no-one was hurt fortunately.

I understand your concern. I'd be worried too.