18 yr old new drivers/ long distance

[Jennyjojo5]

My son and a group of 18 yr olds are planning to drive long distance (2.5/3 hours) this evening, for an event tomorrow.

the problem is that the two boys driving have only recently passed their test and I’m
very nervous about my 18 yr old getting in the car with them for this long journey, in the dark, along the motorway, when they are such inexperienced drivers, with a car full of their friends.

I’ve never been a particularly strict mum and never wrapped my kids in cotton wool but I’m genuinely very worried about letting him do this. They are all good kids but they are inexperienced drivers; one of them being a bit of a show off in general and can be a bit ‘silly’ (still a good kid, just immature).

AIBU if I tell him he can’t go? I’m so worried about the risk of the driving. Just to add, that although he would be upset with me, he would do as I told him to do (he’s a very nice young boy and we have an extremely close relationship). But at the same time I know I’ll feel guilt from stopping him going,

I’d like to hear the perspectives from other parents whose kids are the same age please.

After the incident in Wales recently, I'm not surprised you are worried. Obviously at 18 you can't really control him but I would suggest they travel in the day or find alternative transport method.

When my daughter passed her test her instructor advised that motorway lessons were an unnecessary expense- his view was that if you can cope with a dual carriageway you can cope with a motorway.. also surely most people have driven at night before they pass- unless they only had lessons in summer….

I would offer to drive him there, strongly encourage.

But at 18 despite the worry, which actually I think is completely rational I wouldn't stop him.

You only have to look at recent horrific accidents involving cars full of young people to realise how potentially risky it is. Young inexperienced drivers may be easily distracted by their friends, and may not realise that a car with four or five people in it handles differently from one with just the driver. Motorway speeds mean small errors can have disastrous consequences. Add in darkness and poor weather and the risks increase. If you are in a position to influence your son I would try and prevent him going in the car and offer to pay for the public transport journey instead.

Terrifying.

when I took my 17yo on the motorway after he passed, he was shitting himself.

I actually think new teen drivers transporting a car full of teens should be illegal.

I think there was talk about this from government about one point actually

Then I think the instructor was an idiot.

Three or four lanes for miles and miles is completely different to driving on a duel carriage way.

Some countries hand out provisional permits to younger drivers, and the scenario you describe is exactly what would not be allowed under those rules. No nighttime driving/no driving other teenagers.

Thanks all!

the conclusion is that I’ve offered to pay for his train tonight and am dropping him to the station shortly, he’s absolutely fine with this, totally understands and has made no fuss about it

thanks everyone for their views on this !

I’ll pass your opinion onto to the ex-motorway police officer then- I am sure he will welcome it……..you do realise some dual carriageways are quite long

Someone who passed 2 weeks ago should be doing short local drives either alone or with a sensible experienced driver. 2.5 hours is much too far let alone or at night or with a car full of friends. Even if they don't crash it's likely to be pretty stressful for the driver.
Road accidents are the biggest killer of young men.

I totally agree with this! Most new young drivers I know haven’t even attempted to go on motorway yet and when they did hated it. What happens if these boys get on motorway and find they are way out of their depth? They have 2.5 hours to cope with plus friends who won’t just be sit there quietly! I’m amazed by the poster who said that their driving instructor said it’s a waste of money and like driving on a dual carriage way, this is nuts advice!!

As I pointed out earlier he is an ex traffic police officer…….. we took his advice and 4 years later my daughter is still coping just fine with motorways….

Sorry was totally agreeing with KLcac

Yes but did she go for 2.5 hours on a motorway in the dark with a group of teenagers in back 2 weeks after passing her test?? No police officer would think this is a good idea surely?

Please tell me where I suggested that the instructor said anything about that scenario? Please stop twisting what I am saying

That’s great. I have similar aged kids and a similar relationship. No way would I have wanted this and they would have agreed. Local roads, experience and then motorway long distance.

My son passed his test at 16 and a half and I worried as well, despite the fact he has always been a good boy that follows the rules. 3 months after passing his test we took two cars and drove to France for a holiday. We had to come back a day early and he drove 11 hours home in one go ( stopping for petrol and ferry obviously) despite me asking him if he needed a break repeatedly. Eventually he just sighed and looked at me and went "mum, I'm a grown up. If I need a break, I'll take one. Just stop ". I've just let him get on with it sober then and 7 years later he's not had a single speeding ticket or accident.

Sometimes we have to let them make their own choices and trust we have done a good enough job in raising them to be sensible.

Ok, fair enough, sorry, I see your point.

No worries!

Crack on.

Anyone that thinks that two lanes is the same as three or four is frankly an idiot.

No they are not.They just have a different opinion to you.

Thank you :-) he’s such a lovely kid. On the way to dropping him at the station he even said to me ‘I’m sorry mum that you’ve had to come out tonight to do this’. I asked him if he understood my feelings on it and he said ‘totally, don’t worry’

I live close to where very recently there has been a number of fatalities of young men in cars. I have a 23 year old DS myself and the worry is awful. If you can try and get your fears across to him and explain where you are coming from he may be open to using the train.
It never gets easier does it - all I seem to do is worry about my children, even though they are adults!

Just read your update - so glad he’ll be going on the train 😊