18 yr old new drivers/ long distance

[Jennyjojo5]

My son and a group of 18 yr olds are planning to drive long distance (2.5/3 hours) this evening, for an event tomorrow.

the problem is that the two boys driving have only recently passed their test and I’m
very nervous about my 18 yr old getting in the car with them for this long journey, in the dark, along the motorway, when they are such inexperienced drivers, with a car full of their friends.

I’ve never been a particularly strict mum and never wrapped my kids in cotton wool but I’m genuinely very worried about letting him do this. They are all good kids but they are inexperienced drivers; one of them being a bit of a show off in general and can be a bit ‘silly’ (still a good kid, just immature).

AIBU if I tell him he can’t go? I’m so worried about the risk of the driving. Just to add, that although he would be upset with me, he would do as I told him to do (he’s a very nice young boy and we have an extremely close relationship). But at the same time I know I’ll feel guilt from stopping him going,

I’d like to hear the perspectives from other parents whose kids are the same age please.

Im a Driving Instructor and I always offer my students a motorway lesson after they have passed just so I can make sure they are safe.

No pressure to accept obviously and I get about a 50/50 up take on it.

Usually if they have driven on a dual carriageway they will be fine on a Motorway .
For what its worth I dont think your being over the top of unreasonable! Sounds like a terrifying situation for a parent! (mines only 7 months so cant begin to fully understand)

From the road safety charity Brake.

We had similar terrible accidents locally, when I was 16/17/18. Kids I knew from school were killed, when one was driving his dad’s high powered BMW, when they hit a tree. It was awful. Big part of why my siblings and I weren’t allowed to drive the ‘big’ family car, or take carloads of folks around (distractions). I remember it being a Uni open day, and I had just passed my test the month before, so would have been 17, and my brother and his mate wanted to go. It was only about an hour drive from home, but our mum wouldn’t let me take his two mates, because she thought there might be nonsense, which would distract me as a new driver.

Sounds like you had a really sensible conversation with your lovely boy, and came to a compromise. He sounds as if he understands the concerns; and it’s not about saying he can’t do it, but young adults often need the perspective of someone more mature, to help them get to their own conclusions. It would be worse if you didn’t care at all.
hope he has a great time!

Also, when I lived in New Zealand, I was struck by their restrictions on new drivers (also in Australia, I understand). There’s restrictions on speed, passengers, driving at night, and on alcohol levels (zero).
I reckon it wouldn’t be a bad idea here too. I know it certainly took me a good few months post passing my test, to be fully competent.
Even now, I need to turn the radio off, to look for an address!! 🤣🤣🤣
(I’ve been driving almost 30 years….)

In some countries, there are laws forbidding young drivers under 20 or 21 from driving in cars with other teenagers the same age in there. I wish the UK would consider introducing similar laws, as this would avoid these dilemmas of "I'm worried but not sure what I can do about it as they are technically an adult." There are seldom any essential reasons why teenagers need to drive other teenagers about - it's usually about nights out and jollies.

Well, they can never become experienced if they never try it, can they?

This is a silly argument. In countries which have laws about this kind of thing, young drivers build up experience by doing less risky driving, ie not with a pack of their mates in the car. They move on to driving about with friends once they are a bit older and have more experience.

Seen your update, OP: good result and he sounds like a sensible boy!

I'm very pleased that this would not be allowed where I live as new drivers in their first year are only allowed to carry one passenger aged 16-22.
Train sounds much better idea.

OP
also, if I’m quite honest, all these ‘you can’t stop him he’s 18’, in theory you’re all right. But he’s not the sort of boy where I would have to lock him up in his bedroom to stop him doing something like this 🤣that’s the benefit of having a super close relationship; you listen to each other’s perspectives, come to a compromise on things you feel particularly strong about. He’s also very young for his age and appreciates my guidance. Also, he has very high EQ and therefore takes other peoples feelings on things very seriously and understands their point of view.

He doesn't sound young for his age, he sounds mature.

I'd have done the same as you OP. There are a few things that are genuinely a bit risky and a newly qualified teen drive and a car of teens is one of them. I'd have paid his train ticket too.

Yes - I agree this makes sense however one of the reasons Australia has this rule is that Australians can pass their test at 16 which I personally feel is too young.

We could copy the rule and make the additional rules apply for 1 year perhaps.

@user68901 - no, not 16. Some states are 17 now and will be going up to 18 to match the other states which are already 18.

They also have to do a minimum number of hours of driving before sitting their test in varying conditions. 75 driving hours with 15 of them being night time driving in SA, which is one of the lower requirements, other states have 120 hours.

The problem isn’t the motorway driving, but a long drive with a carload of friends. It’s particularly this latter point of the carload of friends. New drivers don’t realise how distracting friends chatting and laughing and playing music are. They aren’t intending to distract but that’s the effect they have - and new drivers need to fully concentrate.

I’ve known people say ‘no giving lifts to friends’ for 3 months, or no night driving for a couple of months, or no journey above a certain length for a couple of months. It’s all about building up experience in a safe environment - that is where they are on their own or with a family member so they can concentrate.

Yes, they need to practice motorway driving and night driving and in rain etc. having a go at these things without friends to start with is important. You can’t expect a carload of teenage lads going g on a big night out to sit silently as passengers for 3 hours. They are likely to laugh, mess about and play loud music. It’s exactly the recipe for an accident.

I’d also say that schools and colleges cover this in their OSHE programmes for sixth form students - there’s stuff about what puts you at risk of an accident - driving late at night, long journeys and particularly groups of friends. The scenario Op spoke of seemed to have all these elements and she was right to be concerned. These lads will get to be experienced drivers and able to cope with the long journey at night and with friends…but right now isn’t the moment.