to object to other parent's vile racist remarks in the nursery playground?

[grimupnorth]

We recently moved to a new area and dd (just 3) has started at the nursery attatched to the primary school round the corner. Its on a council estate that has a bit of a 'reputation' but tbh that doesn't bother me, the school is lovely nd small and the staff seem excellent. DD loves it there and is making friends, but I'm having problems with the other parents.

Basically they refuse to speak to me. Its not paranoia, they really do and have done since the first morning when I dropped her off. They just give me dirty looks and don't reply when I say hello. Only one of them acknowledges me, and she runs the local shop so isn't going to be rude to the customers! Its a close community and they all know each other etc etc, and I'm an outsider with a posh accent, pink hair, and a faceful of piercings. I can live with being ignored, but...

Today when we were waiting to go in to drop the dc's off, two of the women started having a conversation about a recent trip one of them had had to make with her ds. She was basically bitching about how carp the treatment was, but then these comments were made:

"The place was full of Asians pretending to have heart attacks so they'd get seen first"

"Next time I go I'll be boot polishing our faces to get better treatment"

"The bloody Arabs want to piss off back home and stop bleeding our hospitals dry"

This was in front of children, and I was furious. I picked up dd and carried her to the other end of the playground to look at the daffodils, and I could feel them (the mothers not the daffodils!) watching me. I felt really uncomfortable, I wanted to say something but tbh I was worried about getting smacked - they are pretty tough aggressive women.

I'm quite ashamed of myself for not having the guts to stand up and say something at the time but didn't want dd to see me get into an argument, or to do it on school grounds. I'm going to put in a complaint to the head tomorrow - is this OTT?

Freedom of speech is an important right worth defending. And unfortunately that includes disgusting racist thoughts. Decisions about what should and shouldn't be said have to made by someone. I for one wouldn't have confidence in those that make that decision, it is better to have freedom and challenge disgraceful views.

Neither is banning people's thoughts or words is not an effective way to change minds.

For example, I would defend the right of people to organise and hold meetings. Even though that includes the BNP's right to have meetings. BUT. Then I would organise 100x as many anti-fascists to go and picket that meeting and make it abso-fucking-lutely clear that the BNP were racist, vile, thugs, wrong and not welcome here.

Back to the OP, whether you challenged the women is entirely up to your interpretation of the sit. I think you should challenge in a reasonable, calm and friendly manner if you feel safe to do so. Yes I know that the views they were spouting are utterly vile but getting into a slanging match isn't a great position of strength or something to rolemodel for little ones.

FWIW a sustained campaign against racism would be much more effective so going to the head is not a bad plan. Talk to him and ask what projects they could set up to make your school more inclusive and respectful.

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lol meg

Wardrobe sex??????

They are loathsome comments and indicate a loathsome attitude. Unfortunately, we do have free speech and that does include the right to say stuff like that. Most civilised human beings don't feel the need to do so.

I think you were quite right not to say anything to them; you would, at the very least, have ended up in a pretty horrid argument in front of the kids, alienated the other parents really beautifully, and they would probably end up telling their kids not to play with yours or even to be nasty to her.

Personally, I think the best way to deal with things in your situation - which is an awkward one anyway, as you are perceived as a "stranger" - is to be patient, wait until you are accepted, and then gently put the other side in the course of normal conversation, ie, casually mention that one of the best lovers you ever had was from Barbados or that one of your friends had been ill for years and the doctor who finally diagnosed the problem was this brilliant Pakistani, or stuff like that. Obviously, it's easier if these things are true, but they can be made up!

lmao@Wardrobe sex...erm bed/floor unavailable then?...my personal favorite is NickJr sex..lol

Please ignore Meg she follows me round being witty and cutting and therefore puncturing my posts so they don't end up so puffed up on pomposity

having a degree whilst I was getting it I was sponger. even got treated differently whilst I was temping during uni holidays until they realised I was a mature student (24 at the time) since then I live in a mixed socioeconomic area two real extremes - its amazing how many people are more positive because I have a degree or dismissive because i have a degree and therefore must be judging them to be lesser. I help start a small business therefore I am loaded an have no idea what it is like to have no money or opportunities or we must stick together against the other lot! you have no mortgage you are loaded blah blah blah. no we just made some choice that let us get to this position. have a clapped out car for years that pulls to oneside at 70 miles an hour helped too. dont even get me on the ' you are white really....'

In time you may even hear those same women saying "oh yes I go to Mr Singh at the surgery. He's so much nicer than that white chap"

It's not always as erm black and white as it seems

oh and the look when I say I read the daily mail..... omg! obviously if I wanted to make an informed choice about anything i would use one sourcer....I would buy one paper and swear by what it tells me.

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Yes I am extraordinarily bigoted on the subject of Daily Mail readers. Frequently I slag them off in the playground when I meet other like-minded and literate parents ...

Doodle, our PTA really tries to foster bonds between different ethnic/community groups.

One of hte most successful events has been International Day - an afternoon of music, dance and best of all, food from all the different communities in the borough. They have also worked together with the Governing Body to recruit non-white/European members (PTA and Govs) who are seen as leaders in thier communities to get them all involved actively in the school.

Might sound idealistic but it does work!

Electrabunny you work in a school where teachers think its okay to make these sorts of comments Has nobody reported them?

wardrobe sex????? oh fuck, i always miss all the good threads.

Racism stinks .....
Every person has the right to deal with it how they want within the law.
Even white people are victims of it.
Every one can be a victim of it

A white dinner lady witnessed a group of girls who were black bullying a white girl at lunchtime . She approached them and told them they would explain themselves to their year head.
Their version was the dinner lady told them they were a black gang ...the year head called the dinner lady and supended her pending investigation.
She vowed she never said it and when the other staff heard shed been suspended for racist remarks they were gobsmacked as the dinner lady was married to a hunky big black rastafarian and her children are very brown.
when the head heard she rung and asked the d/lady to come straight back she refused saying if i were married to a white man and had white children would you ask me back?
If she said it ( she denies she did) surely she is not a racist?????????????????????

for anyone who loves the Daily Mail

I just love the way you have to get to know the racists and then hopefully you can mention in passing some good moments you've had we people of colour ...priceless..

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the insecure will always find a, normally pathetic reason, for their own failings. That normally means judging someone for what ever reason they can be found to be failing colour, sex, economic status. From small acorns... start with the school, awareness and tolerance and a personal pride

LOL - loved the one about gays giving the countryside cancer

QueenMother - you beat me to that link!

with..(ahem)

It would depend how she said it (if she did)

It's not racist to say "that black guy over there' it's a description like blonde, tall etc.
Racism is when you say "all black people are..." etc and only then when it is untrue.