Wife is the higher earner

[Notsureanymorepri]

Husband has a decent salary (£70k gross), in the last 2 years my income has grown to 500-600k (mainly due to variable compensation) from around 110-130k. we have always split all expenses 50-50 and kept our finances separated. we have a relatively frugal lifestyle. No debt, mortgage paid off. The cost of nursery where we live in London is £2.4K/month for our only child and due to brexit he may have lost 10 years of pension contributions abroad so is in catch up mode and I agree this is a priority. he now feels under financial pressure at the prospect of booking holidays and did not sleep for days when we found out that the results of the state school we were aiming for have plummeted and we MAY need to consider private as an option in 2 years…i have spoken about me paying for the holidays or me contributing more to the joint account but he doesn’t seem keen. What options could I suggest to make it seem fair that we adjust our lifestyle a little bit if reasonably affordable at household income level without making him feel bad about himself (I am proud of his career and he does have an important job) please?

I didn't say it was a problem. I was explaining to someone who struggled to understand what people do with their money when they earn half a million or more. Just living in the house we live in plus the education we pay for costs us around £400k net. No moaning. Just explaining.

Well thank you for educating me. You're really very clever, I didn't know any of this

@Osci they are why are you so angry?

What on earth does that say?

@Snowdogsmitten

It just blows my mind a bit. Especially since I was literally panicking in Lidl today because I spent a tenner more than I was meant to on my weekly shop and I've now gone into next weeks budget a bit - and her some people are worrying about resurfacing their tennis courts 🥴😂

@0sci you really can't figure it out? How do you function if auto correct and typos confuse you this much?

Did you even read the OP?

No, because I'm thick remember 😉

Honestly, he just needs to put his bigboy pants on and accept that you're a family and that his wife makesfuckton more and not let it hold him and his kids back. If he was making half a million year would he make you pay half? Probably not, so why is it a problem for him to let you pay?

Really? Gosh when my husband earned that i didn't pay for ANYTHING, and he had an ex wife and two other kids to support! While I didn't earn anything like £70k, what I did I could spend on whatever, though often it was child related.
He needs a head wobble.

Squigglygiggly perhaps we can play tennis together some time, I reckon I'd thrash you

All this my money/ your money thing is horrible. You should have a joint account that you're both paid into and all bills are paid out of that. Any investments etc should also come out of a joint account and should be in both of your names.

Marriage is a union, a partnership, and such a divisive approach to your money is very damaging. It's bound to breed contempt when there is such disparity between your incomes.

I'm a believer in "with all my worldly goods I thee endow" - what's his is yours and vice versa. That's how dh and I have always treated money and it's saved no end of problems.

@MsCactus that's so weirdly transactional.

Tangentially, what do you do OP and can I do it too please

😂

You'd better wait til the court is resurfaced though. 😬

Still always baffled by people not just sharing a bank account with a completely shared pot of money. What reason is there to keep money seperate? So many issues arise from having split finances.

Each (couple) to their own but this sort of approach genuinely gives me anxiety. I just can't imagine having one shared account (even if we have other accounts for savings/spends and whatever).

So am I!

Just can't imagine being better off than my OH!

We are a team!

@DojaPhat yes each other own, I'd have anxiety thinking my DH or I was better off than the other. Totally alien and not my idea of a marriage.

I won't be reading 7 pages of comments because I haven't got tìme for that but I think money and having choices are the least of your worries unlike for many.

Whether you live frugally or not you can afford to do what the heck you like earning a joint income of £570k. Most families are lucky if they could earn a tenth of that!

Go camping in the Lake District. It’s great fun, & you’ll save a load of money.

Overall, couples are going to do what largely works for them. Issues can be possible with both shared and separate finances.

I wouldn't be with someone who wanted just one joint bank account. DH and I have separate finances and it hasn't caused any issues.

What?! Why? The man already feels emasculated apparently and is insisting on 50:50. I can’t really see him being keen to keep his whole take-home as fun tokens while his wife picks up the tab. 😂

@Goodlard A joint account doesn't preclude that. I'd happily have a joint account for the purposes of shared expenditures but one effectively 'contributed to' rather than my/our default account.