To feel miffed I don’t have a broken foot

[Imayneedtoscreamintomypillow]

DH has a broken foot. He did it playing football. Everyone is rallying around, lots of empathy and concern. Lots of ‘how’s he doing?’ I’m looking after him and the two DC well. I’m also the main earner so have to keep my job going.

AIBU to wish I had a broken foot instead of my health issues (I am peri, getting massive issues with mood (on HRT) and am waiting for scans to check out a lump in my abdo that the GP found and am getting bad headaches and nausea regularly) that make me miserable (on the inside).

He is sitting around, rightly resting his foot, while I am running around. I made him so many cups of tea yesterday and I only managed to drink two half cups myself. I barely sat down. I’ve so much to do and feel so exhausted and have a long commute to work on Monday to job that stresses me out and demands so much.

Have had to arrange childcare that DH would usually do (he can’t drive so having to do all of the stuff that involves driving) and take over all his domestic tasks (he’s the SAHP).

He is in this situation because he has his hobby. I don’t. I was just starting to get a life for me back (having realised I tend to put others first and forget about me) and now I’m too tired to do what brings me joy.

He’s lapping up the attention. Loving it! almost childlike glee at all this attention which is just bleurgh.

I know it’s temporary while he heals but I just needed to moan. My health issues get me down and I’m often in pain or discomfort. I usually don’t say anything. Because his injury is very clear to see he has offers of help coming from everywhere (for when I’m at work) but actually isn’t in too much pain. Just needs to keep it elevated for a while.

I’m feeling a bit invisible. AIBU?

He has a broken foot, not a lost leg. Stop running around after him so much.

I’ve broken my foot several times and the advice has always been go easy for the first few days but try not to sit on your arse all day beyond that as it’s not good for you.

Well firstly, it’s ok to have an internal rant about it. Afterwards though - it was an accident. It is hugely disruptive but it wasn’t deliberate.

Could you slow down a bit on the “helping”? I see why you’re having to sort out the driving of course, but I am presuming he could either wait for a cup of tea or use his crutches and get it himself? I know it’s meant to be elevated but if he can still get up for a wee, he can get himself a drink while he’s up. There’s no need to run yourself so ragged that you’re dehydrated 💐

Depending on the age of DC, he can still watch them for a bit playing a game / puzzles / TV, I’m sure he’s quite capable of yelling for back-up if things get out of hand!

Separately - try not to give up on your bits of time you were starting to claw back for yourself. They might be delayed for a few weeks, but they’re still important, particularly when you don’t feel well. Hope you get good news and treatment soon from your tests.

Thank you. Yes. I could pull back on helping him a bit. I’ll start doing that.
Thanks for replying. I know. It isn’t anyone’s fault. Just bad luck. Im just feeling a bit like my needs are all hidden so get forgotten about except by a couple of close friends.

When can he be up and around on crutches?

Own drinks using a flask and bag etc.

I understand OP. My dh had a vasectomy when I was pregnant and I did all the running around, waiting on him etc. Then I had an emergency c-section and sepsis and I got 2 days in bed and then was expected to do all the running around looking after the baby who was in nicu. I had to be on the postnatal ward at meal/meds times otherwise I didn't get any but baby was term but poorly so he would scream a lot because he didn't understand why I wasn't there all the time. So I ended up walking back and forth for what felt like miles all day and half the night too. When we got home I had 3 glorious weeks of just looking after the baby and then dh got kidney stones and we had 6 months of me doing everything again while he was poorly.

It's hard OP and we feel sympathy for them but it's ok to want to hang a banner outside the house saying that you are ill too and some sympathy would be most welcome.

That sounds so hard!! So unfair. I think we are socialised to just put our needs last. So hard to break the pattern. And others expect it too.

If he can make it to the toilet alone, he can make it to the kitchen for a cup of tea.

Stop babying the man. I expect this dynamic has gone on for ages and the foot is just highlighting the inequality at home.

Is he is a weight bearing cast or a mooboot? I work in the emergency department and unless it's an unstable fracture requiring imminent orthopaedic surgery we would normally advice gentle mobilisation after a couple of days as pain allows. Obviously he doesn't want to be on his feet all day delaying the healing process but there's no reason he can't get off his arse and put some laundry on then sit back down. Folding clothes into piles can be a sit down job. He can sit at the dinner table and chop/prep meals for example. And he can 100% get up and make his own cup of tea. There are loads of ways you can adapt normal activities with less constant standing. Stop pandering to him you'll run yourself ragged!

Did he not get crutches? If not I’d be getting him some! I wouldn’t be running with cups of tea and I’d be letting him arrange the childcare too - he doesn’t need to walk to do the life admin stuff. Anything he can do at home or while sitting on his arse he’d be doing as far as I’m concerned. I broke my foot last year and was up and about within a day or so.

No. It’s been a long fought battle and for several years I was the default for all things domestic but now I work way more than him and am the main breadwinner. He claims to be a feminist so couldn’t really argue that he needed to do the bulk and he does.

It’s the carrying the hot tea on crutches and the need to keep it elevated as much as possible that is leading to me doing it all. Which I don’t mind really. It’s the my needs being invisible that is bothering me.

My first husband broke his wrist and wanted dinner in bed. I had a new baby and a toddler. He got his dinner and promptly processed to knock it over. Everywhere. Spag bol. There is a God. Didn't ask again.

Give him a flask of tea, job done.

It required surgery. Two ankle pins. Told to keep it elevated to avoid DVT. I’m in work from Monday so he’ll be doing a lot more. Hopefully then I can step back a bit.

With regards to carrying the hot tea on crutches, when I broke my ankle this was one of the worst things (well that and my upstairs toilet!)

Then my genius neighbour lent me her computer chair which is on wheels.

Honestly it was life changing and meant I could zip up and down on the laminate floor, without asking anyone to pass me things. I'd also leave it right outside the kitchen door so I could hop onto it with tea in hand.

He can make the tea. You can carry it.

Mostly elevated to avoid DVT is good advice, I'm sure he's already on some preventative meds for this too? But he's not going to form a DVT in the time it takes to make a brew and sit back down again honestly. He is taking the piss.

That’s good to know.

I had a broken foot. It was bloody painful.

That having been said there is a lot he can do with adaptations - get tea in a flask so it stays hot and he can pour his own.

You can hire wheelchairs by the week that have foot extensions so his foot is kept elevated and he will be able to move around which will also reduce to load on you.

Also get a net bag for the crutches/wheelchair so he can carry things.

Also if risk of dvt is an issue there are drugs you can get - injectable into the stomach.

Also stockings (probably not for the broken foot but for the other one)

Flask!! Brilliant.

Amazon desk chair on wheels. £28 and delivered by 1pm tomorrow.

I’ve tried our office chair but it’s very jerky on the carpet so a bit risky.

You can hire leg support walkers for reasonable price, (they cost c£120 to buy, but you could probably recoup half of that selling it when you finished with it.)
https://mobilityhire.com/hire/walking-aids-hire/budget-knee-scooter-hire

Aw thank you. We have one already but it’s all carpet and it then jerks around so I think it will spill.

I am going to go with flask idea though.

Risky how? He's only got to learn to scoot along with his good foot, it's not like he's going to get propelled out of it.

He'll learn if he needs to.