To feel miffed I don’t have a broken foot

[Imayneedtoscreamintomypillow]

DH has a broken foot. He did it playing football. Everyone is rallying around, lots of empathy and concern. Lots of ‘how’s he doing?’ I’m looking after him and the two DC well. I’m also the main earner so have to keep my job going.

AIBU to wish I had a broken foot instead of my health issues (I am peri, getting massive issues with mood (on HRT) and am waiting for scans to check out a lump in my abdo that the GP found and am getting bad headaches and nausea regularly) that make me miserable (on the inside).

He is sitting around, rightly resting his foot, while I am running around. I made him so many cups of tea yesterday and I only managed to drink two half cups myself. I barely sat down. I’ve so much to do and feel so exhausted and have a long commute to work on Monday to job that stresses me out and demands so much.

Have had to arrange childcare that DH would usually do (he can’t drive so having to do all of the stuff that involves driving) and take over all his domestic tasks (he’s the SAHP).

He is in this situation because he has his hobby. I don’t. I was just starting to get a life for me back (having realised I tend to put others first and forget about me) and now I’m too tired to do what brings me joy.

He’s lapping up the attention. Loving it! almost childlike glee at all this attention which is just bleurgh.

I know it’s temporary while he heals but I just needed to moan. My health issues get me down and I’m often in pain or discomfort. I usually don’t say anything. Because his injury is very clear to see he has offers of help coming from everywhere (for when I’m at work) but actually isn’t in too much pain. Just needs to keep it elevated for a while.

I’m feeling a bit invisible. AIBU?

😂 It was the risk of stains to the chair and carpet I was thinking of.

Oh sorry, I wasn't thinking of drinks in particular, more everything else.

You can always remind him that hot drinks 24/7 are not a necessity

Yes. True.

I don’t mind the practical things so much. I’m knackered and it’s a busy time of year for various reasons. It’s that he’s pulling in all of these offers of help and all this empathy and concern. If I’d broken a bone I’d get the same, but my stuff is hidden. I’m feeling invisible and (shamefully) a bit jealous!! I’d much rather have a broken bone than what I’ve got going on.

Reminds me of when my bil broke his (non-dominant) arm. He promptly couldn't do anything apparently, with extensive explanations about how he would have helped/done it/not needed help if only he hadn't broken his arm. I seem to remember closing a door came into that category along with other similar activities that don't require two hands.

In the middle of one of these monologues why he couldn't carry his plate out to the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher, my 2yo dd stopped him and asked why he couldn't do it as she could do it.
She was born with her hand missing from below the elbow.

She followed him around for the next couple of hours and whenever he said he couldn't do something gave him a description of how to do it with one and stood over him until he tried. Very funny.

Set up a brew station, within reaching distance of wherever he’s sat ..

Maybe advice has changed, but when my DH had a similar sounding injury years ago.

He was advised to keep it mostly elevated too, but they described that as elevate it for around 45 mins of every hour while awake (and all the time when sleeping).

So that is 15 mins an hour for tea etc. and loads of chores can be done sitting down with a little thought/prep.

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She is my hero!! Out of the mouths of babes eh?!

Just fill a flask for the day and dump it next to his hobby foot.

I broke my foot a few years ago. I still prepared and cooked dinner, done the laundry, folded the laundry, washed up and put the plates etc away.

I should say I wanted to do these things, even though dp and dc offered. My foot way poorly not me! Besides the advice I had was after a couple of days rest to get mobile as soon as possible.

Only thing I couldn’t do was strip and make the bed and run the hoover over.

Tell him to man up!

Thanks for all the solutions to the cups of tea. But it’s not really about the tea. It’s about feeling invisible. It’s like at Xmas. He cooked and got loads of positive feedback. I organised so much behind the scenes. All the boring mundane stuff. He does lots of the domestic stuff and he’s a hero. I did it for years and received no praise. I don’t need it. It just feels unfair that he’s getting all this attention and care. I’m glad for him that he’s feeling looked after and cared for. But I just get on with it.

Plenty he can do, supervise homework, fold laundry, order the food shop, sort out 'that' kitchen junk drawer, go through household paperwork and get rid of un needed paperwork/file things away properly/research better utility deals...... Am thinking of all the things I did while laid up with Covid lol

A flask and a ruck sack. This is what I used when I was on crutches

Thing is, having been there with a broken ankle. I just had to get on with things because I'm apparently superwoman being female. The men get the peeled grape treatment.

He's got a broken foot, not a broken leg. Stop running around after him so much.

Travel cup
Water bottle
Small bag
He will manage

Sorry but its true

I get it. I've read a few stories on here about how widows are generally treated very differently from widowers in terms of how much the community rallies around to help.

Women support, men are supported.

No because if you had a broken foot you would still be doing all those things but it would be even harder because pain/ hobbling with a boot.

I broke my foot a few years ago but as I could still walk, albeit painfully, I failed to go to A&E. DS who was about 15 thought I was "being dramatic" when I wanted to use a walking stick around the house. A week later when my foot and ankle were black and the pain was just as bad I was ticked off at A&E for not going sooner.

I made it a rule many years ago never to be "grateful" when DH does domestic chores. It worked as he doesn't expect it now.

Be careful what you wish for! - I broke two bones in my foot - they did not heal and I have walked with a stick ever since, and will do for the rest of my life.

But when I was in plaster there was no-one to wait on me - my OH had Parkinsons. So I got around on my crutches and knee trolley and did just about everything. Your OH does need to put his foot up some of the time to reduce swelling, but he does not have to throw in the towel and just "put his feet up." He needs to keep his muscles going.

Surely you can just explain to him that you can't do everything and he's going to have to figure out how to manage?

I broke my toe mid november and had to manage without a day off as I'm a SAHP to 2 under 2.

I would think that after a few days resting it's time to start figuring out how to get on with life.

He is quite capable of getting off his arse, using a crutch and getting aorund like the rest of us have to when we have no choice and no one else to rely on.

Your dd is bloody fantastic!

I'm sorry but that made me laugh 😃

I want @MargaretThursday 's daughter to get a prize! What a legend.

And Taylor's right. As usual.

My DH says the difference in how he was treated and how a couple of women he became friends with at a widows group were treated is what opened his eyes to just how differently people were treated depending on sex.

He was viewed as some sort of hero for coping with a toddler solo with a lot of family support (mil and his mil both took over the childcare so he could return to work without childcare fees) whereas a woman with 3 children and no family support was viewed as almost neglectful because her children were long hours in childcare.

Women are always expected to just get on with it.

I think a lot of women feel this way. I remember when we had DC1 DH getting so much praise from MIL and his family because he changed a nappy 🙄. I let them rave on for a bit and reminded them that actually he wasn’t “helping” me, he was parenting and caring for his child that I’d carried for nine months and been through a 12 hour labour to bring j to the world. It was similar the first Christmas when he was setting the table when everyone arrived. MIL cooed “oh stop let me do that” and I quickly jumped in and said “oh he’s a big boy, he can set the table MIL, DH get your mum a drink please.” Don’t put up with it OP!