To feel miffed I don’t have a broken foot

[Imayneedtoscreamintomypillow]

DH has a broken foot. He did it playing football. Everyone is rallying around, lots of empathy and concern. Lots of ‘how’s he doing?’ I’m looking after him and the two DC well. I’m also the main earner so have to keep my job going.

AIBU to wish I had a broken foot instead of my health issues (I am peri, getting massive issues with mood (on HRT) and am waiting for scans to check out a lump in my abdo that the GP found and am getting bad headaches and nausea regularly) that make me miserable (on the inside).

He is sitting around, rightly resting his foot, while I am running around. I made him so many cups of tea yesterday and I only managed to drink two half cups myself. I barely sat down. I’ve so much to do and feel so exhausted and have a long commute to work on Monday to job that stresses me out and demands so much.

Have had to arrange childcare that DH would usually do (he can’t drive so having to do all of the stuff that involves driving) and take over all his domestic tasks (he’s the SAHP).

He is in this situation because he has his hobby. I don’t. I was just starting to get a life for me back (having realised I tend to put others first and forget about me) and now I’m too tired to do what brings me joy.

He’s lapping up the attention. Loving it! almost childlike glee at all this attention which is just bleurgh.

I know it’s temporary while he heals but I just needed to moan. My health issues get me down and I’m often in pain or discomfort. I usually don’t say anything. Because his injury is very clear to see he has offers of help coming from everywhere (for when I’m at work) but actually isn’t in too much pain. Just needs to keep it elevated for a while.

I’m feeling a bit invisible. AIBU?

Just tell him honestly that you're too busy to make a cup of tea.

What's the point of a post that just repeats how the OP already said she's feeling?

What the point of a post that just repeats a previous post?

I broke my foot in July . Whilst DH worked most days and I hobbled around looking after 2 DC, the house, the animals and numerous summer play dates etc! Crutches , cooking whilst sat down - it’s not impossible when you have no choice , but he’s getting everything done for him …..he’s not lost a leg or has the flu . I’d be full of rage and resentment! Stop the pandering and tell he’ll get a blood clot if he doesn’t move 🙄

I shattered my ankle 4 years ago (dislocation, all ligaments snapped bone poking out etc) and had pins and plates. Husband managed to get a week off to help, we had a 2 year old at the time. I hired a kneeling walker, it was amazing! Meant after few days of rest after the op (don't react well to anaesthetic) I was up and about. Only pain was I couldn't drive so couldn't get son to nursery, thankfully mum stepped in a did the school run whilst I couldn't. I must admit it was terribly painful, and a bloody nuisance as I couldn't go up the stairs and slept on the sofa! I also have no balance and couldn't master crutches, so had a frame. But had to keep up with 2 year old active toddler! Tea in a flask in the morning, lunches made and in cool bags, son was potty training which was fun to try and navigate!! I am glad I got the help I did though. Also, hospital gave me a litter picker thing, best thing ever as it meant I could reach things without constantly having to get up!

When I was in school there was a girl in my year who was in a wheelchair with a broken foot. I came into school in a wheelchair as that week I wasn’t able to walk due to my chronic illness and severe pain. We both had to spend our time in the library instead of classes and had teachers come to bring their work to us. Everyone lapped around her milking her broken leg and gave her loads of special treatment. No one could give a toss about me because physically what you could see, I had nothing wrong with me. Despite me suffering most my life with my severe chronic pain, people don’t seem to understand or care because it’s not something they can see.

i had an ankle fusion surgery last year, which meant I was in a cast for a few months and just the difference people treated me in comparison to before, both people I knew and didn’t, all because they can see what was wrong with me is baffling

See all those offers of help he has? Get him to take them up! He can sort it all out sitting down while you get on with your own stuff.

Oh she sounds like an absolute darling! X

He shouldn't be drinking too much tea as the caffeine will hinder the bone repair. So that's one less job for you 😁.

He needs a bumbag to carry bits. Office chair sit in to make his food and trundle around the kitchen. Little trolley to push things around in the kitchen. Bean bag to elevate his foot. He will have to take it easy in the early days but he needs to keep gentle movement going for his health.

Tell him to man up! I broke my foot the first night of my hen weekend (Irish dancing in 5 inch heels while pissed 😅). I still carried on with my weekend, luckily the 2nd night was fancy dress and i was Cinderella so had one heel and one hotel slipper on. Didnt go to hospital until the Monday, under duress. Broken in two places 🙈 was in work the next day and driving by the end of the week because it wasnt fesible not to drive. Hes milking it!

I have broken both feet over recent years. It is painful but with the boot v manageable........ it does depend on break. Maybe you should let him know you are struggling and ANY help he can give is v much needed.

Just sending you the most enormous hug. I hear you. Perimenopause is not fun. Lean on your close friends. Go back to the GP to review what you are on. Perhaps you need a higher dose. I follow several peri menopause related Instagram pages that are supper helpful also a lady that specialises in fitness for perimenopause and menopause. There are lots of them! Davina Macalls book is great too. Get your husband to read it whilst he has to sit down. Hope things get better, keep carving that time out for yourself even if it’s just a 10 minute walk or a peaceful bath. Take care.

I’ve been on crutches recently.

I hang a bag on my crutches, and have a flask for my coffee.

Put hot tea in a big flask for him also can dc make sandwiches or food for him ...xxx hope u feel better soon ..get dc to help you ..

Tell him to mention childcare when he gets offers of help. It won't solve your problems but at least people will stop fussing over him!

I have a fractured shoulder. It is incredibly painful. It knocks your confidence and takes months to heal - and as for sympathy, yes, I’ve welcomed it. Your husband has suffered a serious injury.
Having said that, I certainly did not lie around doing nothing, I have carried on looking after everyone and working full time. My husband has been very supportive but I don’t want people helping me, I prefer to be independent. However, he has been doing all the driving and it’s interfered with holidays, but he’s never complained.
I don’t think he feels jealous or resentful at the sympathy shown me by others either. You also seem to think the fact your husband sustained the injury playing football means it’s somehow less valid, because you’re angry at him for having a hobby. I broke my shoulder after I tripped while running, which is my hobby. It hurts just as much as if I’d broken it in a non-hobby accident. You seem so consumed by your own martyrdom and self-righteous resentment you have no empathy for your husband. If you really feel like this, and it’s not just momentary frustration at the situation, you should have a big think whether you actually love him or not.

See user name

I broke mine in the summer. I didn't want sympathy, I just wanted the fucking thing fixed. I am not good at being ill. I'm an angry patient.
I was on crutches on day 2 and making my own travel cups of tea by day 3. I had a little backpack to carry around the house with me.

To be honest, I probably should have rested, at least a little bit, because it's taken way longer to fix than it should have done.

Perhaps when he’s healed up - go on strike for approximately 6-8 weeks? In an air b n b, near to work, rock up for sunday lunch or any time you fancy, throw a bit of annual leave in there / take your hobbies and start some more? 😛 I imagine the gap left will become very visible!

Put the kettle on kitchen table then he can sit and make a drink or tell him to. Make do with cold drinks you will be surprised what he does tomorrow when just him at home.

Always the same, big plaster cast, any outer obvious injuries, people automatically respond sympathetically. That's why inner disabilities/ailments aren't recognised in day to day life unless we wear a big sign. As others have said, he needs to get up and about so cut back on serving. X

Christ, I have a broken foot right now and I'm just carrying on as normal. No such thing as rest when you have kids! Tell him to get off his arse and help.

Yes, wearing the boot was embarrassing. Lots of neighbours offering to help, when i was out and about crutching round the estate.Like when you lose your voice but you're not that ill.

That made me cry in a good way. Thank you. 💕

I strongly suspect you’re choosing to do far too much. Even with a partially incapacitated SAHP, a household with only one job outside the home and kids old enough to be driven places really shouldn’t be generating cup-of-tea-limiting amounts of work. Not in a mean way but, while I’d offer help with lifts if I could, it wouldn’t occur to me as an outsider to be that sympathetic to the non-injured parent because I’d think you could just do the necessary stuff for a few weeks (which isn’t much - you can live on freezer food in an untidy house very happily esp for a time-limited period) and that anything over and above that was an active and presumably happy choice of yours.

Some great replies . You know if you break your foot there will be no party, no one running round after you! You would just get on with it!!

The amount of times my dh gets a round of applause for doing a household task is unreal