Do you think it would be easier to lose weight if you had more time ?

[kitchenlover]

I am really really struggling to sort myself out with this.

Are these all just excuses though ?

I have lost weight successfully in the past, but I've also been exhausted by the whole thing.

I need to be super strict and spend around 2 hours in the gym a day, ( 5 days a week at least ) in order to see a change in my body. It's exhausting.

I have a full time job, two preschool aged children and a completely absent H, due to his work.

I also suffer from a condition which causes fatigue. So I start off with less energy than most people anyway. That is not even taking account the fact that I do all night wakings with my kids.

I just can't do all of this AND spend the time shopping/ meal prepping and going to the gym a lot.

How do people manage ? I really need to get back to a healthy weight and the only way I can see this happening is if I just don't work for a bit. I can afford to do this and yes I posted about this the other day. However I keep thinking- what if I take some time out from work to sort myself out and then I don't even manage to lose weight ?

Am I just making excuses ? How do people with so many responsibilities do it ??

Try intermittent fasting - 16:8. Have a look
at Dr Mindy Pelz on instagram and her book fast like a girl. Also Dr Chaterjee, 5 pillar plan has some great advice. Changing the food you eat and when you eat it should make a good difference without needing to find time for extensive exercise. They say it’s 80% what you eat. Hope it helps.

More time no; more money, DEFINITELY. Then you can afford to buy food that is healthy but also really delicious, as opposed to wondering what new thing you can do with cabbage and lentils. You can afford to buy food quality meat that is a pleasure to cook and eat. You can afford therapy to deal with the causes of overeating, if this is an issue. You can afford a personal trainer who will come to your home and fit around your schedule.

The gym is a massive red herring and I think you know it.

I think the type of chronic condition you have - and you absolutely don't have to share your medical details - may also impact what's best for you from a health perspective. I have psoriatic arthritis for example which causes pain and fatigue but the meds I'm on also suppress my immune system. So I have to have a balance between healthy movement and not putting too much stress (physical/emotional) on my body because I find then I get run down and pick up bugs constantly. I can't behave in the same way as I did 10 years ago either because of the progression in symptoms. That's obviously just me but if health is a priority then you need to work out what is most helpful - there's evidence, for example, about the benefits of good gut health on autoimmune conditions.

I disagree. I lost almost half my body weight just by dieting whilst at an office job, doing no exercise, no walking - nothing. It wasn’t even necessary ‘dieting’ in the traditional sense either. I was eating unhealthy foods but still under my calorie deficit. I think if I did have more time, I’m someone who snacks and eats out of boredom. Being busy keeps me from ‘binging’ and eating out of boredom rather than hunger.

Some "simple" tips/cheats:

Try a standing desk and underdesk treadmill, so you can do the walking while you work (e.g. during meetings), saving you time at the gym.

You said you don't drink alcohol, do you drink any sugary drinks or have latte coffees (lots of milk), or put sugar in your tea and coffee? Maybe drinking only black coffee or tea with no sugar, and only drinking water (e.g. no diet coke, juices, squashes) might be a simple way to cut calories.

Obviously try to avoid all ultra processed food, so you mainly eat fresh fruit, vegetables and meat. Batch cook, and freeze portions for when you're busy and don't have time to cook from fresh. Don't make smoothies as this can lead to over-eating fruit, and many calories. Only have fruit as a "treat" instead of chocolate or cake etc.

I think there’s more going on here than a need to be fit judging by this post. I really do hope you get the help you need OP.

You said yourself you need a radical lifestyle change.

So, not a quick fix of killing yourself in the gym. How long did it take you to put on the weight? It will take longer to come off and stay off. A lifestyle change has to be sustainable.

@kitchenlover I think people are being a bit harsh on you.

I have an autoimmune disease as well as a whole other host of health problems and illnesses. Exercise is a key part of keeping myself functioning but it does fatigue me. I find I’m in a constant balance between managing my health and managing work, as well as looking after primary age DS. DH is adamant he’d prefer me not to work IF I felt it would be more beneficial to my health- I just moved to 4 days pw and he even said ‘if it’s too much for you, DS and I want you to be healthy and happy so you there’s no shame in working less’. Is that what your DH is saying or he simply offers no opinion?

It is easier if you work less- my non working day is filled with batch cooking, meal prep and a longer peloton ride.

peloton is great for exercise as it’s right in the house. Great cardio and strength options.

I need to work for my own sanity but my health won’t allow me to work full time. Could you go part time?

Of course it’s possible to lose weight whilst working, but to be honest you sound miserable, overwhelmed and stressed. Can you take a leave of absence or reduce your hours?

Nope, I'm very lazy and sedentary and lose weight through a calorie deficit.

Thanks for your understanding.

I think leave of absence might be an idea. Not sure about part time.

My H is not unsupportive,

@kitchenlover I would say whilst I can’t diagnose over the internet, you sound like you hate your body and generally down, I think counselling could be worth considering too.

I find if I just diet, I lose pounds on the scales but my clothes still don't look good. I can lose half a stone and not see much of a difference if I'm not also exercising. However, I look a lot better in my clothes when I've been regularly going to gym even if I'm not technically much 'lighter'.

I disagree that it's only down to diet, exercise definitely makes me look (and feel) better, even if I haven't lost much real weight. Everything is more toned and less wobbly.

I aim for 3 x 45mins in the gym per week, with a bit of sensible eating alongside... this seems to help me lose a few pounds. When I cut out the workouts, even if still eating relatively well, I definitely see a difference in my general body shape.

Kindly OP, I don't think asking strangers on the internet for advice on how to lose weight is what you need. What you listed as eating is simply not enough food, especially if you're in the gym for 2 hours a day 5 days a week. I agree with PPs that you could benefit from some counselling.

Thanks. I definitely am struggling in general. But I feel like it's just my new normal, to be struggling along mostly down anyway. I just drag myself around from place to place and thing to thing. Barely existing, just getting by and not really enjoying much. Apart from my kids of course.

I don't enjoy social occasions / seeing friends / going out really because I feel so disgusting. I refuse to see any of my old friends really and have missed special occasions because I feel so disgusting. I need to change something. I'm desperate but at the same time feel completely hopeless.

My H is not unsupportive at all, about a possible career break, but I know he doesn't really understand how much I struggle. He doesn't respect how much I do on my own with no support and he doesn't understand the full extent of my condition either. I think fatigue is a difficult thing to wrap your head around. I just don't have the resources to do it all and it shows. How I look is a direct correlation of having too much on and not being able to take care of myself.

Sorry if I made it seem like that's what I'm currently doing, I'm not currently going to the gym two hours a day.

I said that's what I think is needed and what I've done in the past.

Yeah I agree. Only dieting doesn't really change my body much. With exercise you really see a change in your shape.

My PT would be horrified if anyone tried to lose weight simply by dieting and no weight lifting to maintain muscle mass.

My PT would be horrified if anyone tried to lose weight simply by dieting and no weight lifting to maintain muscle mass.

yes but the same PT got you to where you wanted to be but then gave you no tools for realistic maintenance beyond working out excessively every day. Meaning that when you did return to work you piled all the weight back on in the space of a year or so.

My PT would be horrified if anyone tried to lose weight simply by dieting and no weight lifting to maintain muscle mass.

Can't imagine why a PT would be invested in saying that's the only way 🤔

It's not untrue though. You do lose muscle mass if you do no exercise at all and lose weight.. which then means you have less muscle mass and burn less energy.

Hi OP,
Can you access some online therapy? It sounds like your whole life needs a bit of a tweak and readjustment to work out what you need. There might be some depression going on as well - that does not help with the overwhelm.

I have lost 15 stone and would echo what others have said about doing one thing at a time - I began by just making sure I ate a proper meal, three times a day with two snacks. I could eat anything and everything, but it had to be a "thing" rather than just an afterthought or mindless grazing.

Then I tweaked what I was eating. I found the "adding in" method really helpful - I was still allowed what I wanted, but I had to make sure I had some protein and ate that first. I then gradually ate less crap.

I now have a perfectly imperfect diet. A perfect diet is likely a disordered one.

I carried on like this for a while then started at the gym. In terms of weights - you want to prioritise compound lifts (squats, dead lifts etc) and you want to be really, really struggling for the last three reps. Lifting heavy is the best thing for bone health and I have a lovely set of muscles growing. You can smash it out in 30 - 45 minutes. Good luck!

@kitchenlover your PT would be horrified? 😂😂 Yes because he's trying to make a living out of people using his services. I'm content with my body shape- I accept it's unrealistic for me to be able to have the body of an Instagram model at 43 but it is realistic for me to maintain a size 10/12 and healthy BMI and with all due respect, by your own admission, you haven't been able to maintain a healthy weight or shape by any standards (muscle mass/weight/fitness/inches/strength) so I'm not sure you're in a position to lecture other people about their habits being horrifying? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ah ok. Just because I'm struggling, I'm not allowed to have an opinion.

I'm not lecturing anyone. I'm just stating what's worked for me and what my PT said. No need to be so sensitive about someone stating an opinion and what's worked for them. No need to lash out at me.

I kind of get it. I have chronic conditions and my job means I am at a desk all day so I can't go for a walk
Yes I could go before work but then after work I'm too tired to cook properly or do weights

I do peloton and alternate it like
30 mins spin, 10 mins stretch
30 mins full body, 10 mins stretch
20 mins upper body, 20 mins spin
20 mins lower body, 10 min stretch

Then I'm only doing a max of 40 mins a day (the stretching is because of previous back surgery and much needed!)

I'm overweight but fairly fit - as in I can do a 90 min spin class no issues

I'm not lashing out at you - I'm very sympathetic as I spent years struggling with my weight and yoing but you asked for help and have judged people in their responses. This obsession with the gym and exercise and what your PT preaches isn't helping you- it's paralysing you. Losing weight without exercise doesn't debilitate people, it just doesn't. You've received several very helpful posts about your deeper seated issues and how to separate and tackle them. You can't do everything at once and need to decide what to prioritise first. You're overwhelmed and catastrophising when you need take a few deep breaths and tackle one issue at a time.

I'm just stating what's worked for me and what my PT said

OP it is astonishing that you think this previous approach “worked for you”

You temporarily lost the weight but then gained it all back on as soon as you were back at work.

Why can’t you see that that approach will perhaps make you lose the weight (i can’t fathom how it couldn’t tbh) BUT it clearly did not “work” because here you are

you need a different and gentler and much more realistic approach if you don’t want to be back here in 2 years time