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AIBU?

Do you think it would be easier to lose weight if you had more time ?

268 replies

kitchenlover · 06/01/2024 12:11

I am really really struggling to sort myself out with this.

Are these all just excuses though ?

I have lost weight successfully in the past, but I've also been exhausted by the whole thing.

I need to be super strict and spend around 2 hours in the gym a day, ( 5 days a week at least ) in order to see a change in my body. It's exhausting.

I have a full time job, two preschool aged children and a completely absent H, due to his work.

I also suffer from a condition which causes fatigue. So I start off with less energy than most people anyway. That is not even taking account the fact that I do all night wakings with my kids.

I just can't do all of this AND spend the time shopping/ meal prepping and going to the gym a lot.

How do people manage ? I really need to get back to a healthy weight and the only way I can see this happening is if I just don't work for a bit. I can afford to do this and yes I posted about this the other day. However I keep thinking- what if I take some time out from work to sort myself out and then I don't even manage to lose weight ?

Am I just making excuses ? How do people with so many responsibilities do it ??

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GreenFrog13 · 06/01/2024 20:19

Yes I think life in general is easier if you and more free time and don’t have very young children.

weight loss however happens in the kitchen. To lose weight you need to create a calorie deficit. This can be done through diet alone.

HIT / functional fitness etc all show that you don’t need to train for hours one end. Covid showed us these could be done from home!

You can build activity into your everyday life if you want to. Walk to the shops / school etc.

It’s not that you are making excuses op you’ve made losing weight : getting fit etc into this huge thing when it really doesn’t have to be. Lots of small
changes / better habits really do add up!

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Consideringachange2023 · 06/01/2024 20:23

Literally everything is easier to do if you have more free time, of course it is.

you could shop better, meal plan and prep, exercise more….. life would be much better with an extra few childfree hours a day for sure!

I don’t have any medical reason I can lose weight, I am just time poor and a comfort eater. Proper meal planning and exercise is the first thing that goes out the window when I’m struggling with time, it’s not like I can just decide not to pick kids up from school or not bother washing the uniforms or go in work 2 hours later.

there are solutions of course, consistency and determination mostly

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Menora · 06/01/2024 20:25

I post about this frequently but I had 4.5 stone to lose and it’s already taken me 9 months and I have lost 3 I have many more months to go. It can just take absolutely ages! But it is happening, just slowly. Don’t give up trying because it might take a while

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Hedonism · 06/01/2024 23:16

I'm just stating what's worked for me and what my PT said.

With respect, it hasn't worked for you if you have gained it all back again, and if your PT was advocating 90-120 minute sessions in the gym then I would question how skilled they are at encouraging sustainable lifestyle changes. Maybe try a new PT?

You do sound overwhelmed though, maybe a couple of weeks off work would give you some headspace initially.

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MoreCandles · 07/01/2024 02:22

Sure get as many steps in as you can but you don’t need 10hrs in the gym a week to lose weight

Quite. I lost 4 stones by cutting out sugar and processed food, cutting down carbs, 10,000 steps a day and zero hours in the gym.

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DeeCeeCherry · 07/01/2024 02:42

No. It isnt to do with time. Its about changing your food and exercise habits. Lots of people are in denial about that but I do understand why.

Carbs are my nemesis. One day I decided my food shop would contain no bread, rice, pasta, cakes. There are lots of other things I can eat. I do intermittent fasting which I find easy via going to sleep then not eating for at least the 1st 4/5 hours when I awake. I dont have breakfast anyway, tea will do.

I hate the gym and am lazy about any form of outside exercise. So I bought an aerobic step. Its right by my kitchen door and in my eyeline, simple to do 25 or 50 step ups as I pass, a few times a day. Squats whilst the kettle is boiling. I have dumbbells and either follow a short YouTube routine, or just put music on and get going. I also use dumbbells when Im sitting watching TV. We're all different, its about finding something you know you can and will stick to. & also, not starving yourself.

I still have food treats sometimes but next day I'm back to eating mindfully. Im sorry about your stress and exhaustion. Thats tough. But it doesnt force you to shop a certain way. Change what you buy to eat. When my DCs were little, my weight was out of control as I'd eat their leftovers. I had to be really disciplined (at least sometimes!) and stop. Time flies..mine are grown up now and Im glad I changed bad habits. The last thing you want when you're older is a weak core, breathlessness, and limited mobility amongst other things, marring your quality of life because you didn't take care of your health. Hope you find what suits you best.

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Howtofryanegg · 07/01/2024 02:49

kitchenlover · 06/01/2024 13:15

Did you guys read how I described my workouts ?

I'm not going nuts for two hours. Two hours is the max time I spend in there. A lot of it is also spent just walking on the treadmill.

The workouts are slower and not intense as I can't do that. That's why it takes longer.

Does that make sense ? It's just how I prefer to do it and how it's worked for me in the past.

If you don’t get in too much other activity/movement in during the day it actually makes sense to be at the gym for two hours and is not as excessive as it may sound.

When I used to live in London I’d easily spend 1-2 hours walking through daily commuting, walking to the gym and back some evenings, or going to meet friends, wandering around Westfield shopping mall supermarket shopping etc So I used to get around 10-15K steps in daily even on days I didn’t go to the the gym. even though I ate quite a lot I was able to maintain my 9.5 stone figure for years.

When I left London and was no longer commuting daily it was a massive change and over 6 years I piled on 3.5 stone. (Now lost over half of that ) I currently WFH and live in a town near a big city. I don’t drive yet and I get all my food delivered. So I have to make a conscious decision to exercise for 1-2 hours every day as I don’t get out much. This wouldn’t be the case if I was still doing my city commute.

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Howtofryanegg · 07/01/2024 03:06

Whether you choose to take a break from work or not I’d suggest you consider you getting a couple of pieces of gym equipment. Perhaps some weights and a treadmill or an exercise bike?

Try doing cardio for one hour at home 6 times a week every day and a daily 20-30 minute walk outside and do weights 3 times a week.

A lot of fitness influencers with very slim toned figures will share with their followers that they go to the gym just 3 times a week and I believe them, but what they don’t frequently mention is that’s on top of their 10K-15K daily steps.

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steff13 · 07/01/2024 03:14

I heard an interview today with Alan Ritchson, pictured here, and he said that he exercises 45 minutes a day. Two hours feels excessive.

Do you think it would be easier to lose weight if you had more time ?
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snackprovidersupreme · 07/01/2024 04:25

You've had advice from a personal trainer but have you ever had proper advice from a dietitian? I think a professional who understands your medical condition might really help. For example you would be better served by having breakfast and then eating less later in the day (breakfast like a king, dinner like a pauper). You shouldn't need large amounts of protein unless you are muscle building, etc.

Also small children who don't sleep here, so solidarity on that front!

And you don't need a reason to stop work. If you hate it and can afford to have a break, then go for it and enjoy the freedom!

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Netaporter · 07/01/2024 04:47

@kitchenlover have you thought about getting a peloton for home? If you got the bike, treadmill and weights, you could replicate the gym routine at home eliminating travel time etc? plus you could fit in 15,20,30 min ‘exercise snacks’ throughout the day.

Hating your job could be symptomatic of blaming your low mood on it. Or it might be the case, but I think you need to consider changing your job rather than jacking it all in. Could you go PT for a bit? Or WFH?

I know you said your DH is supportive but you do need help. What happens when you get ill? I’d be pushing the house admin, school admin etc onto him at the very least. It is easy for the Husbands to nod and be sympathetic until pitching in actually affects their time and their job. It is not for you to give up your job and independence so his career remains unaffected. Have you told him how you really feel?

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velvetsunshine · 07/01/2024 04:55

I can't do this anymore though. I hate myself. I'll do anything to look better again.

Except anything that's been suggested on this thread.
Except anything that is different to your prior 2 hours at the gym.

Bodies change over time and what worked before (that you cannot fit in anyway) may not have the same results at all. Try something new.

Can't this, can't that... Pick up two tins of beans and do weights in your kitchen with them. Put on some music and dance. Walk around your home. Do some squats while you wait for the kettle to boil. Work out to a YouTube video, etc.

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lemonmeringueno3 · 07/01/2024 05:13

Hi OP. Five years ago I lost six stone and have kept it off, so I understand how fed up you are and all of the emotions you've described.

Your job sounds very stressful and I know I would hate an 80 minute commute. If it is making you very unhappy, and you can afford the loss of income, and your dh is supportive, then why not take a career break to take stock and find something else. I think most people would do that tbh.

But I have read all of your posts and, kindly, you are making excuses about your weight and I don't believe that giving up your job will have any appreciable difference on your weight.

However you lost weight in the past didn't work because it wasn't sustainable and now you are fat again. So let go of this idea that 'lady time I did this and it worked.' You don't need the same again, you need something different.

You posted what you ate yesterday and it was a tiny amount of calories - unsustainable. You'll fall off the wagon and put any lost weight back on again.

Two hours at the gym, 5 days per week - unsustainable. You'll fall off the wagon, feel guilty and blame your busy life.

Use an app to calculate your maintenance calories. Deduct 500 calories and use this as a guide. Then keep a food diary every day to make sure you're on plan. I lost weight eating the same food as my family, or slightly adjusted meals, but controlled portion size and snacks. Being busy is not a reason for being overweight. On the contrary, it removes opportunities for boredom eating. People say they are too busy to meal prep or cook from scratch but you don't need to. People say being busy makes them snack on unhealthy food by why? You can eat a satsuma as quickly as a Mars bar.

Give up your job if the stress is killing you but you'll need to do other things to lose weight.

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withthischoice · 07/01/2024 09:20

and your dh is supportive

the op doesn’t say this.

she says that H is not unsupportive

and further upthread OP says he doesn’t have an opinion either way

my spidey senses tell me this relationship perhaps is another cause of the Op’s unhappiness. I. which case - giving up work and becoming reliant on him would be a bad idea

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kitchenlover · 07/01/2024 09:37

withthischoice · 07/01/2024 09:20

and your dh is supportive

the op doesn’t say this.

she says that H is not unsupportive

and further upthread OP says he doesn’t have an opinion either way

my spidey senses tell me this relationship perhaps is another cause of the Op’s unhappiness. I. which case - giving up work and becoming reliant on him would be a bad idea

I don't know if that's strictly true. He just doesn't want to push me either way.

I'm not worried about my future financial position at all. I'm not going to discuss why that is, but I'm good, with or without him.

Also, he can pay for everything for a while. Why not ? He can afford it. I do everything now and pay for a lot now on top of doing everything at the expense of my health and wellbeing. He has his cake and eats it too. A wife that works and brings good money to the household ( which allows him to save a lot ) and a wife that looks after everyone single handedly too. He can support me for a bit.

I've paid for a lot, for a long time too. It's a give and take isn't it.

OP posts:
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withthischoice · 07/01/2024 10:04

your last post confirms my thoughts tbh

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kitchenlover · 07/01/2024 10:07

withthischoice · 07/01/2024 10:04

your last post confirms my thoughts tbh

You know what, it also confirms mine.

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Howtofryanegg · 07/01/2024 10:13

steff13 · 07/01/2024 03:14

I heard an interview today with Alan Ritchson, pictured here, and he said that he exercises 45 minutes a day. Two hours feels excessive.

People’s training regimes change from bulking to maintenance to cutting and so forth. He will definitely have done other things in the past to achieve this body. Wasn’t familiar with him but just looked him up and It says in one article he built a gym in his house to train more.

He may well only attend the gym three times a week but I doubt someone like him isn’t exercising in some way or other on a daily basis.

And it seems so judging by this other article where it says “Ritchson’s current workouts haven’t really changed much since his high school days. His training consists of long runs (up to 13 miles a day), plus sprints, pushups, dips, pullups, situps, and burpees. (He belongs to a gym, but he chose it because it had really good pullup bars for muscle-ups.) “I get outside as much as I can,” says Ritchson. “I live in the hills in L.A., so I [run] on Mulholland Drive or the trails in the Santa Monica mountains. It adds something to the runs.”

CrossFit Workout: The Run WOD - Muscle & Fitness

You'll love the results you get from this brutal run workout. CrossFit's Run WOD will help to improve your cardio endurance and stamina for better weightlifting performance in the gym.

https://www.muscleandfitness.com/workouts/crossfit-workout-run-wod/

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lljkk · 07/01/2024 15:18

I can't make sense of OP's posts, they say too many inconsistent things.

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Sweetglossy · 07/01/2024 18:03

kitchenlover · 06/01/2024 19:47

Thanks. I definitely am struggling in general. But I feel like it's just my new normal, to be struggling along mostly down anyway. I just drag myself around from place to place and thing to thing. Barely existing, just getting by and not really enjoying much. Apart from my kids of course.

I don't enjoy social occasions / seeing friends / going out really because I feel so disgusting. I refuse to see any of my old friends really and have missed special occasions because I feel so disgusting. I need to change something. I'm desperate but at the same time feel completely hopeless.

My H is not unsupportive at all, about a possible career break, but I know he doesn't really understand how much I struggle. He doesn't respect how much I do on my own with no support and he doesn't understand the full extent of my condition either. I think fatigue is a difficult thing to wrap your head around. I just don't have the resources to do it all and it shows. How I look is a direct correlation of having too much on and not being able to take care of myself.

I had left this thread as I saw no further point in it. Came back casually reading posts.

@kitchenlover In teh above post, thank you for confirming ONE of the main things I knew you ignored to mention but I decided not to ask. Your husband.

You say:
My H is not unsupportive at all, about a possible career break, but I know he doesn't really understand how much I struggle. He doesn't respect how much I do on my own with no support and he doesn't understand the full extent of my condition either. I think fatigue is a difficult thing to wrap your head around. I just don't have the resources to do it all and it shows. How I look is a direct correlation of having too much on and not being able to take care of myself.

_
His attitude; your own fatigue and not being able to take care of yourself. That is all stressful. Women in supportive households show: they glow, their weight is normal, they are happy and they don't spend hours in gym no matter their medical conditions. You need peace of mind. You need counselling.

Book spa days away- go away for 2 weeks at a retreat and you will lose weight as you will have peace of mind. I am not surprised you struggle lose weight. Everyone in your situation and with a H like that would. Drama= you just do not want to address what really needs addressing: including your H- no matter how you also want to say he is supportive- HE IS NOT.

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minipie · 07/01/2024 18:07

I suspect H’s version of supportive means “You do whatever you like as long as I can carry on focusing on my career and don’t have to pick up domestic responsibilities”.

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itsmyp4rty · 07/01/2024 18:08

It's definitely easier with more time because you have the energy, time and inclination to make healthy meals.

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WashItTomorrow · 07/01/2024 18:11

itsmyp4rty · 07/01/2024 18:08

It's definitely easier with more time because you have the energy, time and inclination to make healthy meals.

Surely a healthy meal takes the same energy, time and inclination as any other meal. Obviously, not counting something you stick in the microwave.

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kitchenlover · 07/01/2024 18:13

@Sweetglossy I was talking about his support of a career break in general- he's not unsupportive of that.

In general, there are absolutely issues and I don't have enough support. And it shows!

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Menora · 07/01/2024 18:50

itsmyp4rty · 07/01/2024 18:08

It's definitely easier with more time because you have the energy, time and inclination to make healthy meals.

I’m not sure I understand this way of thinking. Tonight I was feeling a little lazy but made a 5% beef mince and tinned tomato seasoned concoction (bolognaise style) in the air fryer for 15 mins total, with some boiled broccoli it cost me about £4, and fed 2 people, with leftovers and took a total of I would say 20 mins? The same time a frozen pizza takes. I’ve been skint and time poor my entire 30’s and finally learnt that it doesn’t take more time to make vaguely healthy foods however it does take money and equipment that not everyone has. If you don’t have seasonings and kitchen equipment it’s easier to microwave something or stick in the oven but a lot of decent foods are not time intensive if you can afford them. A frozen piece of fish can be cooked in 15-20 mins

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