Pulling out of event due to moral conflict.

[Trolleydolly123]

Impending event (small christening) involving parents, siblings,in laws, etc, one member of this group also attending is amongst many other things, committing significant benefit fraud yet boasting about finances/money/lifestyle etc. This fraud is well known, obvious and blatant, no attempt to hide it, other members collude of turn a blind eye.
Lots of other issues related to poor parenting, child neglect etc, deception, DV etc, all round not a nice person.
Personally I find this morally wrong on so many levels and goes against everything I believe in, AIBU to not attend due to not wanting to socialise or be in proximity to this person?
I

You can choose not to attend for any reason

have you reported them? If not, you’re also part of the collusion

Is this person the parent of the child being christened or closely involved?

If not I'd say go for the child and ignore/avoid the guest you don't want to speak to.

I would not go, what relation are you to baby.

It would depend on how close I was to the couple holding the event. I don’t always like, or even know, everyone invited to family occasions.
If I had any safeguarding concerns re:children or DV then I would be taking them to the relevant authorities.

If it bothers you that much, report the person to the relative authorities.

Is this person a parent to the child being christened? If not YABVU.

Sounds like you're cutting your nose off to spite your face to be honest. Your non-attendance will change nothing.

Shop them if they're as bad as you say, but if they are just another guest at the christening, then why should they enjoy it and you sit at home stewing?

YABU. I can appreciate how you wouldn't want to be in the same vicinity as him.

What excuse would you give for not attending. Would it bring trouble to your door, considering his character?

*YANBU

If this person is the host, I think it would be wrong to go to an event as their guest when you hold them in such low esteem. If they're just another guest like you then I think it would be wrong to cause drama and fuss around someone else's event because you don't approve of one of the other attendees. So unless you intend to decline discretely with an excuse, then you should go as planned. On a separate note, if you feel they are a danger to others, it's normally wrong not to report it.

Really bizarre to me that you would list benefit fraud before domestic violence as your reason tbh

this

and if it bothers you, report them

I was just thinking that. And child neglect ffs.

Lots of other issues related to poor parenting, child neglect etc, deception, DV etc

Like other PPs, I'd have mentioned this first. If it's bad enough to make a stand over the christening, surely it's bad enough to report? People are unsafe.

Small gathering of family- does that mean this is a family member?

If so, many of the accusations you make require action on your part. Child neglect isn’t something you can politely overlook. It needs reporting. Benefit fraud should be reported though is of lesser concern in this context.

If you intend to actually do something and want to remain confidential then I would actually attend and be polite. If you choose to boycott and it’s noticeable ( you say it’s a small group) it will look pretty suspicious if they start getting calls from SS and HMRC directly afterwards.

Going against the grain, If you don’t want to be around this person then decline the invite.

Without proof of illicit activities, you can’t do anything but stay silent. If there is child neglect, please report that.

I’m surprised by these responses. I wouldn’t go.

Why haven't you reported them then if it's so abhorrent to you?

Its not exactly fair towards the hosts to not attend due to the actions of others.
You only need to show politeness towards them, not actively socialise.

For me, it would depend on who the rest of the attendees are, relative to you.

For example, it is was a christening of a niece/nephew and the div was a cousin then I wouldn't stay away, I would just swerve them as much as possible. If it's their child or the person is eg your BIL and the rest of the family are likely to be blowing smoke up his butt then I might just get Noro that weekend.

Em depends who invited you? I know a friend is a police detective who went to a friend’s wedding where the brides family were a well know crime family in and out of jail. That for me is a moral dilemma.

Literally came on to say that. Banged on for ages about benefit fraud, and then just tagged on the abuse and child neglect as an afterthought. Do them a favour op and just don’t go. I’m sure you won’t be missed

Personally, I think if you suspect there’s child neglect and domestic abuse going on you should report that. Benefit fraud and a Christening sounds like the least of the issues there. Invitations are just that, if you don’t want to go decline.

If the person you refer to is a parent to the baby then don't go. If it's just someone who'll be there you're being a bit OTT. That's punishing the hosts for someone else's behaviour. You can just avoid whoever it is and don't speak to or interact with them.