Pulling out of event due to moral conflict.

[Trolleydolly123]

Impending event (small christening) involving parents, siblings,in laws, etc, one member of this group also attending is amongst many other things, committing significant benefit fraud yet boasting about finances/money/lifestyle etc. This fraud is well known, obvious and blatant, no attempt to hide it, other members collude of turn a blind eye.
Lots of other issues related to poor parenting, child neglect etc, deception, DV etc, all round not a nice person.
Personally I find this morally wrong on so many levels and goes against everything I believe in, AIBU to not attend due to not wanting to socialise or be in proximity to this person?
I

If they are not the parents, I think you need to keep your opinion and issue with them entirely away from the christening, given that the christening is absolutely nothing to do with them. They are just a guest.

^This^

@Trolleydolly123

If it's one of the child's parents or one of the Godparents standing up in church and vowing that they are 'turning away from all things that are against God – the wrong in our own lives and will stand against the wrong in the world' then I'd decline the invitation as that's the rankest hypocrisy.

But if it's just another guest, I'd attend and simply avoid them.

Could you create another commitment that would allow you to attend the actual Christening but have to leave straight after? That way you can offer some support to the baby’s parents and avoid the socialising.

Maybe report the possible child neglect as well. It is not your responsibility to investigate but if you’re worried you could call the NSPCC and have a chat. they can forward on legitimate concerns to the relevant authorities.

I think I am concerned about offending host, but equally dont want to mix or associate with this couple. Its really small so going but avoiding them is impossible. Its literally 3 couples going, so me, them and host.

What you should be doing if there is child neglect and DV is reporting this person to social services.

Some grand gesture about not attending the event is not going to do nothing to help the kids caught up in that toxic environment...

Then report the person as a benefit cheat too.

That would be my solution, attend the Christening then go.

I am so sick of all these benefit frauds that "brag" about it and it's always "someone I know"

It's bullshit.

Unless you know the person intimately enough to be their accountant, you don't know what their finances are, not really.
You can say 'oh but they tell everyone'
Yeah, they might, but if there's a reason they get what they get, it might be a reason they don't want to share, so their bragging is a cover.

So either you don't know anything, not really.
Or you're so close and friendly with them you know their intimate financial and health information, this rendering your point of avoiding them completely moot because you are, in fact, living up their arseholes and on their online banking.

So presumably you've been asked to be a god parent and now short notice you've decided your too moralistic to do it?
How open a secret is the DV and child abuse?

If its part of the usual Church service just go to the christening, how old are they all if its a sibling getting christened. Don't go to the meal.

I’d attend. It makes no sense you’ve reported more than once, if you’ve reported, once is all it takes, they’d do a full investigation.

Can you say to the parents that you'll come to the christening but you don't want to go out for a meal with x person? How would that go down?
I would always prefer to be honest than invent another excuse.
Do the parents share your views on this person?

What's with the "child neglect etc" and "DV etc"?

Like hell OP's primary objection isn't the benefit fraud.

I disagree. It’s not OP’s job to report anyone.

If you knew Epstein, would you have reported him or kept quiet cause it's not your job?

When people take that attitude, children come to harm.

I have done.

I know they commit benefit fraud as they openly brag about it, they are very open about it and are of the view 'the system is there to be played' and think there is a bottomless pit of money so its fine, I absolutely know for a fact they are doing this, as do the rest of the family. They will talk about how much they receive, what benefit, how often, why etc.

If it’s you and the host and the only other invitee is the one you want to avoid then you have to be honest- ‘DF, I’m looking forward to seeing your DC christened but I really can’t share a meal after because I don’t agree with how X behaves.’

Presumably it’s not news to your friend that their sibling is unpleasant?

Seems like you have reason to decline. So just do so.

I have twice been invited to events by my then Member of Parliament, whose policies and latterly support for Boris Johnson (a man who I'd only spare hanging because of my lifelong opposition to the death penalty). I declined both.

You are being silent though and colluding as you have stated that you are aware that Child neglect is happening. The benefit fraud is not as important as Child neglect or DV. But, you say you have reported this more than once. Who have you reported it to and nothing is being done?

Thats it exactly, a BIL, and the rest will be blowing smoke up them, and laughing alone with the talk of money, as it always ends up being discussed as a result of their boasting about latest purchase/gadget/2nd hand car etc.

To be clear, I have reported ALL of the concerns, many times. SS involved and have been for some time.

I gave reported it all, however when you report such things, you are not informed of what happens next/outcomes etc.

It's them receiving benefits that really annoys you isn't it?

Whatever they claim, they have a person deciding to award it them, you realise that I assume?
You can't just log on to www.benefitsformebutnotforthee.org and claim.

You apply

Someone check.

Someone else checks.

Then it's awarded.

The only way an average person could defraud the welfare state is by claiming for more kids than they have or for an illness they play up.
Either way, there's a benefit cap, did you know that? People can only possibly claim so much before they hit that cap and they get nothing more.

Being concerned about them getting a few quid you don't think they should get is wasting your energy.

Report them.
Don't talk to them, don't interact with them. As you feel so strongly, have the balls to tell people why you want nothing to do with them...

"Shop" this individual - otherwise you are no better than anyone else.

Don't be so stupid.

It is ANY Adults responsibility to report Child neglect if they are aware it is happening.

What an awful thing for you to say. People turning a 'blind eye' is disgraceful.