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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Derek Draper has passed away - Kate Garraway's husband

205 replies

Zingy123 · 05/01/2024 11:49

How sad he wasn't very old.

OP posts:
Blinkityblonk · 08/01/2024 13:37

@FlyingCherub I've been in Kate's shoes- half the people think you are terrible for not going anywhere and paying any price for new treatment for a last ditch attempt to save your husband, the other half think you shouldn't do that! You cannot be a winner as a female carer in this situation. The NHS does not offer state of the art treatment for many many things, and not looking abroad would be odd these days, even if you chose not to do it. The idea she would have been revelling in it, words fail me. She has lived a life of utter hell, as has he, and I hope you never have to endure that.

Oppositioblue · 08/01/2024 18:47

FlyingCherub · 08/01/2024 07:04

GMB really sickening this morning, Saint Kate really is having her halo polished.

Nothing about the fact that she'd dragged him across the globe again for treatment that hadn't worked before and he'd had a heart attack alone. But hey, let's not muddy the waters with truth Hmm

You are disgusting.

Sudoku88 · 08/01/2024 20:08

SirQuintusAurieliusMaximus · 07/01/2024 12:31

No because everything would have been done to save and preserve life irrespective of a persons background- this is my experience from working in the medical field.

With respect this is nonsense. The worse someone's condition is and the older they are, the more there is encouragement towards DNR and pallative care dressed up as 'ending suffering' - which I agree in true end of life cases is quite right - but I've seen a lot of medical staff encouraging families to treat something as 'end of life' when it isn't really warranted and in the face of family opposition, treatment continues, person pulls through and goes on to live many happy healthy years.

When you get into the very elderly, 80+ this approach powers up to the nth degree. I'm not talking about cases where it is warranted because I agree it may well be. I'm talking about a virtually blanket approach of any illness + hospital + 80+ = well its better to let them go.

As an ITU nurse I have seen so many cases in ITU when continuation of treatment really is futile yet the doctors still want to carry on. And because families are not medically trained, I don’t think they really understand the full impact of what is going on and being done to their loved one and the impact it has on the patient.

It’s often a case of because they can rather than they should (doctors in ITU). What is done in ITU to keep a person alive is an actually pretty brutal. One of my consultants equated it to being like torture. Research shows that the longer a person spends in ITU the poorer the long term outcome. If they’re lucky, they may make it out of ITU but how long they survive for after that is another matter (Derek Drapper).

I don’t know what the answer is but I have worked in a lot of different ITU’s and my experience is that enormous effort is always made to preserve life no matter how futile it seems. To give the patient a chance and when it is clear there really really is no hope- then it goes in to palliative. From my experience, moving to palliative care is not rushed decision.

As for DNR- that just means that if a patient has a cardiac arrest, we don’t do CPR - that’s all it is. This does not impact/ lessen the current treatment the patient is receiving.

A DNR is put in place for people who it is deemed would not survive a cardiac arrest due to the fact they are already so sick with multi organ failure: all their systems are already kept going by machines or very high levels of highly potent drugs. if we were to do CPR during a cardiac arrest, they won’t survive at all but they would have a very traumatic death with people pumping on their chest and undoubtedly breaking ribs and causing more trauma in the process. All this and they’re going to die anyway.

DNR does not mean cessation of treatment, it just means no CPR in a cardiac arrest.

finally, yes I have seen a few ‘miracles’ where someone who I never expected to make it out of ITU has, but they are very very much in the minority.

My experience of ITU is no stone is left unturned to keep that person alive- that is our duty.

Floralnomad · 08/01/2024 20:21

@Sudoku88 I’m not talking about what happens once they get people into ITU , I’m talking about people being allowed to actually get to being in ITU .

Sarah28x · 10/01/2024 11:51

FlyingCherub · 08/01/2024 07:04

GMB really sickening this morning, Saint Kate really is having her halo polished.

Nothing about the fact that she'd dragged him across the globe again for treatment that hadn't worked before and he'd had a heart attack alone. But hey, let's not muddy the waters with truth Hmm

This is just cruel

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