Maybe this makes me "a bad person" - but I've been in this situation before, with my best friend. She married, 400 miles away from where I live, on a weekday, hyped my then-8 year old daughter up that she was going to be a bridesmaid and told me that I was her Matron of Honour - a week before I gave birth to my now-19 year old. I had the expense of a hotel in an expensive city, two outfits (my original outfit didn't fit because she bought it when I was still only 5 months pregnant, but luckily didn't get funny when I turned up in my black "smart" maternity clothes... because it was either that, or my ex's tee-shirt and pyjama bottoms, because I was the size of a small farm by that stage), my ex couldn't take time off work (he didn't like the friend, is the truth of the matter) so I also had to drive 800 miles or so with a hyped-up 8 year old (who looked like an angel, actually and performed her duties very sweetly) in the car, not knowing anyone but the bride and groom (and I wasn't a great fan of him, because he was borderline abusive to my friend) - to be told, "oh, I just fancied a big party!" when asked by one of the other bridesmaids about her reasons for getting married. It jarred all three of us a little, as we'd all had to travel to support her need for "a big party" and being the centre of attention. One of the ushers took pity on me when my friend joked about the city having a fantastic hospital if I suddenly went into labour, and stayed as sober as I had to, because literally one day from my due date, "just in case" (and he was actually very funny and we spent the miserable "big party" people watching - because there wasn't even any music!) I was terrified of having my son without his Dad around, but I went because the bride was (still is) my best friend and I wanted to support her... not realising until too late why she was getting married. I remember saying to my ex that it was "a once in a lifetime event" for her, and my daughter would have been devastated if she couldn't be a bridesmaid, my friend having really hyped the whole thing up for her ("you'll be a little princess for the day..."). It could have been worse. I gave birth a week to the day later, my daughter had a day being doted on by strangers - and I met my now-partner (said usher).
The marriage lasted a year and four months.
I judged massively when, two years later, she decides to get married again - another big ceremony, lavish reception, same expensive city, would the children like to be bridesmaid and pageboy, with me Matron of Honour again...? Nope. No thanks. Not going to happen. Learned that lesson. Ex and I were mysteriously busy that Thursday, thanks... doing what? Erm... uh... making chocolate teapots!
That marriage lasted two years.
Last week, I got a "save the date" 'e'vite to friend's third "big party". Usher and I are not attending, although my 28 year old daughter might be (not as a bridesmaid because she's no longer so angelic and cute/suitable for a photo prop).
Conversely, another old school friend's marriage imploded after a year (we were at that wedding, too, whilst I was pregnant with my 19 year old, but it was literally in our village and she was marrying because she thought herself in love. When she remarried, she and her second husband (they're still together) took themselves, two witnesses and their parents off to the local Registry Office, then announced they were married afterwards. Quiet, discrete, everyone was happy for them.
First friend, everyone in our friendship group sort of rolls their eyes and wonders how long each marriage will last and how many kids she'll have this time (she has one from the first and two from the second - none of which she has custody of, so personally. I do worry that she's vulnerable and trying to create "the perfect family" and that's why it's not working, because it's not possible).
(Before anyone jumps on me - I refused to get married for a multitude of reasons, although said lovely usher did propose to me on New Year's Eve and I have tentatively said "yes". IF he ever gets me before an officiant, it'll be me, him, my kids and our parents... and it'll be because he claims to have fallen for me whilst I was stone cold sober, annoyed and the size of a farm with swollen ankles... and because he was sweet, kind, funny, indulged my daughter by playing our weird made up word game "Pig", and repeatedly tells me that I am still beautiful despite being a sweaty peri- mess...)
But yes; I would judge. I have judged. Second plus marriages... discretion is key.
YANBU, @mrsclaus1984 