Another wedding related one

[mrsclaus1984]

Around 5 years ago, DH and I, and my parents, went to my cousin’s wedding.
It cost us a fair bit to go, a couple of us needed new outfits as was upmarket venue, cousin had requested money for honeymoon as gifts, we needed annual leave from work as was on a weekday and not local. Etc etc.

(warning: this all sounds a bit insane - I promise it is real!)

Less than a year later, the newlyweds had separated. All swept under the carpet so we’ve no idea what happened.

At some point down the line (several months at most - can’t remember exactly), he’s in a new relationship. They get engaged and have a baby in quick succession.

That relationship ended too.

Last year, he gets into a new relationship. This was around 6 months ago. They are now engaged .. and we’ve just received an invite to their wedding later this year.

We don’t want to go. My parents feel the same way, but are aware of potential family fallout if they don’t go.

Are we BU?

What is the issue here that he is getting married for a second time or that you spent money on a short marriage?

Plenty of people (me included) get married twice, none of my invited guests felt offended that they were coming to my second wedding. As always said on MN it is an invite not a summons.

Judgy much? I wouldn't want you there on that high horse so yeah do him a favour and decline, save him the cash too.

Your opening gives the impression that all those costs and time off etc would have been fine if he hadn't got separated?

Nothing 'insane' about what you go on to describe either.

Go or don't go, it's not a summons. Just politely decline.

Just out of interest - why don't you want to go to his wedding?

If you really don't want to go just RSVP to the invite and send your regrets (you really don't need to make an excuse up).

Your parents can then do what they want - let them deal with their invite etc.

It will if the OP's uncle or aunt asks the OP's mum/dad why and they answer "Because he'll be separated in 6 months so it's a waste of time and money," which clearly is how they feel.

I have a cousin possibly somewhat like this can't keep it in his pants and yes, I judge.
We went to his first wedding but definitely not to subsequent ones. He treated his first wife very shabbily.

@mrsclaus1984 if you don't want to go then don't. Just decline.
You clearly don't think much of your cousin so don't waste his money by going to his wedding.

The rest though is absolutely none of your business. Why on earth do you and your family think you have the right to an explanation about the ending of a marriage? It's bizarre.

Sounds like his love life has been a bit all over the place but as you don't know the backstory maybe quit with the judgment.

Why would a polite decline cause a family fall out? We had one entire set of cousins who couldn’t make a family wedding due to a prior engagement with the other side of the family… no one cared beyond “oh that’s a shame”

No need for any drama, politely decline the invite, wish them well, end of. If asked why just say you’ve a prior engagement m, if pushed again say you’re away with work, holiday etc

Maybe- but that seems a bit rough on the bride/groom for whom it is their first wedding. (Been there..)

100% agree

dont go if you don’t want to, no need for the backstory

HIS MONEY???

The parents probably forked out for the first wedding and he made a tidy profit with all the money given as wedding gifts so you can see why he’s keen to fleece his family again, getting engaged at every opportunity.

Nice little earner there. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wow - that escalated lol!
Not at all. Why on earth would I have an issue with anyone having a child outside of marriage?

I would still go. But if you cant be happy for them then you probably shouldn't, not fair for the B&G if you've got your eyebrows raised in the background during the ceremony at the 'til death do us part' bit.

Why wouldn't you want to go?

If weddings are a chore/unenjoyable for you or too expensive fair enough don't go.

The fact it is a second marriage and there has been an engagement wouldn't influence my decision either way.

I would be going for a lovely family catch up and to wish the best to the happy couple.

Not sure why the first wedding sounds insane.

if the marriage wasn’t working out then they shouldn’t be forced to stay together just because guests paid to attend the wedding and it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get with someone else in the future.

if you don’t want to go then don’t, just decline and say unfortunately we cannot make it.

Reading between the lines I sense that you quite like the gossip/drama created in your family by this cousin and his ‘outrageous’ behaviour and enjoy bitching about him.

Just make up a reason and decline if you don’t want to go. He might want fewer guests anyway. No drama needed.

Or ask him for a refund from five years ago and attend.

Well you have an issue with something and can’t tell what that is

Do you think he is getting married again because the toaster from wedding #1 has conked out?

What's your reason for not wanting to go?

I wouldn't want to go either.

Weddings are all about commitment for the long term, and that doesn't seem like a very appropriate concept for this guy at the moment.

Who wants to stand there at a wedding thinking "I'd give it 6 months"? And who wants to have guests at their wedding who are thinking "I'd give it 6 months"?

Better just to RSVP with regrets that you can't make it.

I wouldn’t go. Loads of people will feel like you do. Just decline. I’m guessing ‘the family’ I.e. your cousins parents will be despairing too. In the last five years, they’ve had their son’s wedding, divorce, new relationship, new baby, another break-up, new relationship, another wedding. It makes a mockery of all of it.

As long as it doesn’t cost too much then YABU

I’m in a similar situation with my sister where she’s met a new man and are now engaged.
I am completely against it for several reasons but at the end of the day she’s my sister and I will express my doubts to her but still support her.

I won’t spend lots of money though but I refuse to do that for any wedding.

basic RSVP of "thank you but we can't attend we wish you well" and a card to them for the day (to be read out in place of telegram). No need for a gift unless you want to.

And any family that kicks up after that? why would you want to keep close contact anyway?

Just decline and say you have an event clash on that date. No drama.

RSVP regretfully can't attend