Adult child not wanting to pay their way

[Cazzalou]

18 months ago my daughter spilt up from the BF and moved back home with me.
We agreed that she would pay £500 a month for rent and bills. We live in London.
Now she and BF are back together and are hoping to buy somewhere out in Kent.
She would like to reduce her monthly payments to £300 a month so she can save for the deposit on a new home.
This could take a long time.
Should I agree the reduction or keep it at £500?
Is daughter taking me for a ride?
I'm an almost retired nurse and my monthly income has reduced as I have reduced my working hours to 30 per week.
Am I being mean if I say no?

I bloody wouldn’t. She has to pay her keep, she’s a grown up. If you aren’t particularly well off why on earth should she subsidise two working adults and sacrifice her own standard of living?

Isn't the OP's daughter a teacher with long holidays?

Who adds yet another person to the food, water and energy bill several days a week?

You are absolutely NOT being in the slightest bit unreasonable, but don't expect your daughter to understand that.

She has some living to do and things to learn.

Stick to your guns. If you fall out over this, try not to rush to compromise yourself. One day, she'll get it!

What would you do with her room if she wasn’t there? If you’d rent it out to someone else then yes you should explain this and not reduce. If you won’t rent it out I’d reduce the rent to what she is actually costing you; extra water, gas, food etc. I don’t think it’s relevant what the market rate for the room is or what others charge unless you’d rent it to someone else.

I contribute more than £625 to my household per month, who in my household should be paying the tax on this please?

Can you work out what it actually costs you to have her there - bills, food etc. It's not her fault that you reduced your hours.

Saving an extra £200 a month doesn't seem like it would get her closer to a house deposit very fast, tbh. She'd be better off working extra hours somehow - tutoring or babysitting etc.

Where does the boyfriend live? Are they spending loads on travel? Not many people manage to buy a property at 26, on a teacher's salary. She'd also have to get a job near to where she buys - would probably end up renting anyway to cover this?

You can't rely on your daughters income long term to cover your costs - and if she wasn't there, you would have to pay costs anyway and she is unlikely to be adding that much to bills.

Reduce it, help her save for a deposit, otherwise she might never leave.

What is included in the £500 she pays?

One of mine moved home, with a good job. I do not need the money, but was also realistic that an extra mouth to feed, extra heating and energy etc did cost me.

We came to an arrangement:
I took £200 pcm rent for the increased costs.
He saved £300 pcm into a LISA towards his first house deposit.
He was already saving each month anyway, but the £300pcm was in addition.

It 'cost' £500 to rent at home - but in the near future he has a nice nest egg (with extra £1k from Government) towards his own place.

It feels an appropriate balance.

This exactly - she is old enough to know better and do better. Why is her BF stay so much? He's living with you for part of the week so they should both be paying their way.

Do you NEED the money? If not, why would you not help your DD save for a deposit?

How old is she?

I was paying more than that a month for "keep" when I was 18, (so many years ago) whilst also saving up to buy a house etc.

Presumably she also wasn't supporting another adult's electricity use, heating use, food costs etc.

@Cazzalou I'd stick with the 500, or meet her halfway at 400 if you can afford that. 300 is her being cheeky.

Having just googled quickly the price it would cost just to rent a room in London, in a shared house! you are not being unreasonable at all! She should be more than grateful you are willing to let her stay for £500. To all the people saying how did you manage before, obviously don't realize the extra cost another adult living with you brings. A lot of parents aren't in a position to let there kids stay with them, what would she do then? Pay a ridiculous amount to rent off someone else. Stick to your guns, she's having an amazing deal with £500 a month

DD is an adult, she needs to pay her way and save from the rest of whatever money she has.

Just seen she's 26. Not as young as I'd imagined. I'd keep it as what you previously agreed, £500.

All back? So where does OP get the money to cover the increaed costs associated with another aduöt living there?

God some people really are against people paying their way, arent they?

It really depends if you can afford it or not. If you can, then yes, charge her £300 and let her save the other £200. If not, then charge her the £500.

It's relevant in that the daughter would be paying that amount at a miinimum to live somewhere so the mum is already saving her thousands of pounds a year.

And some people are very judgemental. Not everyone can afford to keep one or two extra adults .

I would just work out an estimate of her expenses and not “rent” per say as you will have managed before and after she moved in, so I would only charge her the cost of the extra energy and food, I assume you had internet and tv etc before she moved in so wouldn’t include that. At the end of the day buying her home is an important life step we all want for our children, I think if you know she is being serious about saving you should charge her the bare minimum you can get by with and encourage her to save as much as she can

It depends on your financial situation. My son moved back in with me, I lost my 25% single person council tax discount, my electricity and gas went up (quite considerably) and my food shopping went up more than double. I charge him £300 per month which is less than what I should be charging him.

Its all fine and well people saying don’t charge family, but if you are struggling and your daughter is on a better salary than you and doesn’t have any bills, then it makes no sense not to charge her.

She surely can’t cost you an extra 500 a month? I would charge what she actually costs additional. Anything else is unfair.

I would agree to the £300 and tell your DC that when the boyfriend stays over (maximum of 2 nights per week) they need to buy, cook and clear away their own food.

My two adult DC are 23 and 25, they earn 26k and 36k and I charge them £250 per month on the condition that they are saving a chunky monthly amount which they are doing.