To accept this gift from my parents?

[LadyJos]

My parents have very kindly offered to gift us 40k towards buying our first home. We are in our forties with two children and have of course worked hard for about 15 years to save a deposit.

After looking carefully at our finances, it seems we might just be able to buy a house without this 40k, although it would mean other financial sacrifices to make that happen and would make the our mortgage very expensive (although not unaffordable).

I feel I should come clean to my parents and tell them we may be able to make it work without this gift after all. If it were just my dad, I think he would offer the gift (or some of it) anyway. However, if my mum has this information she’ll want to withdraw it all together as she is very tight about money.

They are very well off but not to a ridiculous extent. My husband and I both work hard in good professional jobs. I’m really morally torn over whether to take the gift and make my family’s life financially easier or to explain that it might not be necessary, and lose the gift. AIBU?

Accept the gift, you don’t have to lie about your financial situation but nor do you have to bare all to them.

I would take their gift and would be very grateful. You don’t need to run all aspects now through them, in reality you don’t know, don’t underestimate various unexpected aspects: surveys, urgent work needed, maybe even cost of renting. This gift might make real difference for your chance to buy.

Why don’t you take it, add 30k of it to your deposit and keep 10k back. Then take them on a fantastic holiday with the 10k.

accept it

get a house for your family

there is no moral quandary here - your children come first - the end

Don't do this. If you don't need the money, don't then spend it for them - they may have their own ideas for what they'd like to spend it on if they weren't giving it to you.

I'd take the money, if it allows you to save more over the next few years by paying less on your mortgage, after saving to give yourself a reasonable safety net for emergencies etc I'd then offer to pay them some of it back

Accept the gift as a gift. That means no strings, no conditions - a gift. It doesn't matter what your finances look like, that is irrelevant to the gift.

I would love to be able to do something like this for my children one day. It would make me feel happy to be able to help my children. Take the gift in the spirit in which it is intended. Your parents love you and want to make your life easier and to see you enjoy it while they are still here to see it put to use.

"Why don’t you take it, add 30k of it to your deposit and keep 10k back. Then take them on a fantastic holiday with the 10k."

Wtf

Do you have siblings, and was the same offer made to them?

Getting a mortgage is harder and harder. As long as it’s fair on other family members and your parents aren’t dipping into their pensions, take the money and try and pay it forward when the time comes.

I would accept the gift and make my DH and kids lives easier ultimately, they wouldn’t offer it if they couldn’t afford to surely?

Hand on heart will it come with strings op?

. Duplicate post

‘Why don’t you take it, add 30k of it to your deposit and keep 10k back. Then take them on a fantastic holiday with the 10k.’

Really!?

REALLY!?

I don’t even know where to begin.

Unless your parents are the type to put conditions on the gift or keep throwing it in your face in the future, then just accept it.

Take the money. But do not go in a flash holiday with some of it!!!

Would it help to ask them more about their reasons for offering? Avoiding inheritance tax may be one of them.

Take the money.

Why do you feel like you have to justify your financial situation? I don't know what you mean by come clean - are you under the impression your parents wouldn't give you the money unless you really really really needed it? Are you worried about strings attached? Do they not know you have savings?

Tbh these days 40k isn't a huge deposit so maybe they are not super realistic with what that money will get & obviously you will need to add that to your existing savings.

Don't put yourself in a tough financial position if you don't need to.

Take the money - especially if you live in the UK as better way to avoid inheritance tax. If they have offered it its spare - I think just don't go on an expensive holiday in the next year or so as this might make them question their gift.

Don't be so utterly ridiculous.

You don’t have to be rude, do you? Her parents want to give the gift and might feel it’s their right to. If she doesn’t need it all she could spend it back on them

It sounds like your parents are offering because they think you can't do it alone. Could you accept £20k and make your life easier and also maintain your integrity which is clearly important to you?
I'll be honest, on a smaller scale, when I've given money to my adult kids because they've given the impression they need it and then found they don't really or have bought other things as well it's been tough as we are ok but not brilliant financially. Sounds a bit like your family?

Is this a serious suggestion or a strange joke? Just in case you are being serious I will answer.

They are giving OP and her family money to buy a house. If they wanted to use it for a "fantastic" holiday, surely they would just buy the holiday for themselves instead.

I would be mightily pissed off if I gave a large sum of money to provide my child and grandchildren with the security of their own home and they blew a large chunk of it on a holiday, fantastic or otherwise. 🤦‍♀️

I believe the bigger deposit, you may be eligible for a better interest mortgage rate

Or

It may allow you to pay off your mortgage earlier

You will also need money for
Solicitor fees
Survey
Stamp duty
Moving costs
Post redirection
Emergency money

Does the money come with strings ?

You say they are quite well off, they may be wanting to bring the value of their estate below a certain level.

I would accept the gift as given and use it to purchase the same type of house you could afford without the gift (or maybe just a little bit more) and keep your mortgage as low as possible and the equity in the house as high as possible. If there are no strings to the gift, then you gain by having a few extra ££ in your bank account each month. If it turns out there are strings attached, then you could remortgage and pay them back the £40K and be no worse off than you would have been had you not taken the gift.

Your suggestion is utterly ridiculous. If they don't need it all OP can give back what they don't need, so her parents can decide for themselves what to do with their own money... 🙄

Don't do this OP. If I gave my kids 40k and they dropped 10k on a holiday with me, I'd lose my shit completely.