To accept this gift from my parents?

[LadyJos]

My parents have very kindly offered to gift us 40k towards buying our first home. We are in our forties with two children and have of course worked hard for about 15 years to save a deposit.

After looking carefully at our finances, it seems we might just be able to buy a house without this 40k, although it would mean other financial sacrifices to make that happen and would make the our mortgage very expensive (although not unaffordable).

I feel I should come clean to my parents and tell them we may be able to make it work without this gift after all. If it were just my dad, I think he would offer the gift (or some of it) anyway. However, if my mum has this information she’ll want to withdraw it all together as she is very tight about money.

They are very well off but not to a ridiculous extent. My husband and I both work hard in good professional jobs. I’m really morally torn over whether to take the gift and make my family’s life financially easier or to explain that it might not be necessary, and lose the gift. AIBU?

This. I gave mine a significant amount of money because I didn’t want him to have to wait until I was dead. I only have to survive another 18 months and it won’t enter any inheritance tax calculations. That wasn’t a major factor but it’s a nice added bonus. Take the money @LadyJos.

We gave our 3 children deposit’s for their first houses! My husband theory by doing this is give them a helping hand when they need it.

I only mean my mum is very anxious about money and thinks about it in a moral way (looks like I’ve inherited that!) So I don’t think she’d be happy giving it if there was a way we could do without.

Take it and use it for the house.

I would want to help my kids when they need it and it will actually make a difference, not on my death bed and when my kids already had to struggle. Take the gift. Out of respect of the gift though I would just do the right thing and reduce my mortgage with it and not sit on and risk spending less sensibly.

Oh Christ absolutely don’t do this - you’d effectively be borrowing money to take them on holiday.

take the gift, they don’t need to know the extent of your finances and it puts you in a much better position for the mortgage.

Not in this country. I assume you’re in the US from your reference to IRS.

Please don't do this.

It will 100% give the wrong impression and they will potentially resent the fact they gifted you money to buy a home for you and presumably their grandchildren when you are happy to blow it on such things.

This. They have that much to give you towards a house, they're not interested in the details.

Just out of interest, why? Perhaps her parents come first, after all the eyes made sacrifices to get OP to her position.

I would accept it. Their lives will be no worse because of giving you the money and you and your children can have a better life. Any good a parent should want this their children and grandchildren to not have to struggle.

Take the money. Your life will be so much easier.

Definitely take the money and let it help make your life easier.

They've offered it willingly and, you say the same will be given to your siblings, so you have no need to put your own restrictions on your acceptance of it by going into your finances with them.

Buying a house isn't easy at the moment, take all the help you can get.

This. Your mum sounds nice 🙄

You're overthinking. Take the money, then you don't need to make sacrifices and can have some spare money in the bank to use as needed. When you move in most likely something will go wrong/need updating/need changing etc so you may need this money.

I'd accept the gift. I think it's very common for parents to do the 'giving while living' approach. It's so much nicer to give while you're around to see that it's helping family out than just to leave it for inheritance.

Take it. You can’t spend when your dead.

Take the gift, it's not only about whether you can afford it on paper, if things are that tight anything unexpected that comes up could stuff you up. If you can't afford it reasonably comfortably then you can't really afford it 🤷‍♀️

Why would you waste £10k on a holiday. Bonkers!

My great grandmother used to say: Never refuse money. Take the money!

Define waste? Life long happy memories and an amazing feel good time. Seems like an excellent use of funds.

put down a bigger deposit and reduce the mortgage somehow

or ask the advisor and see if making a one off payment would be a better idea to reduce the amount

Depends on if there are strings attached and whether there’s an expectation from toxic people

Accept it graciously, you may be able to then get a smaller mortgage than you originally were.

Before you accept the money, check whether their gift could be considered income and therefore taxable. In which case, it might be best to draft a simple long term loan agreement, with repayments deferred until you are earning more, and to revisit the situation when the seven year inheritance tax limit passes. I just witnessed a similar agreement for friends.